alright. This has happened to me twice in my life, both when i was really little-- like either during or before preschool.

Once, I was laying in bed and my bed is right next to my door (so i can close it shut while lying down) and my bathroom is across a short 3 foot hallway. while lying on my side i could look into my bathroom, and I did.  just above my bathtub theres a small window and it was bright as could be (it was really late at night though)  in fact... my whole bath tub/shower area was just glowing (it was very bright and like nothing i've ever seen, i was very shocked and confused) and im not exactly sure about this part but i thought i saw a woman.
the second this happened i remember feeling uplifted. I felt great- peace, joy, fulfillment. Extatic rather, This feeling is something you cant forget because it's truly amazing.   I knew i'd remember that night forever. It felt like it lasted forever, It was nothing but good feelings but after a couple minutes i kind of got worried and scared because i didnt really know what it was so i closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep.

i dont know if something was there or if it was just me. I dont consider myself special or different from anyone else. im not psychic either (though i wish i was!!!) and if something holy did visit me i certainly wouldnt know why... i was just a normal kid,

the next time i felt that way was kind of close to the same time. My bed and room was the same way and every night before i fell asleep i would lay on my back, fold my hands, and pray. I'd pray for everything.  anything i could think of i prayed for. (though im not religious now i went to a religious school growing up)   so anyway,  this night i started praying for everyone in the world,  this is kind of hard for me to say but, my parents were really racist and they raised me to be really racist,  but im not racist now!!!  so anyways i would pray "dear god. blahblahblah please help everyone in the world, except black people"  but then i felt bad and in my mind i was trying to reconsider what i said because it didnt sound fair or right coming out, but it was really hard to go against how i was raised and i really really really really really didnt want to pray for black people, but then i just let go and i said "god pray for everyone and ESPECIALLY black people, we all need your help"   and as soon as i directed those thoughts to god i felt that same uplifting feeling.  exactly-to a pin.  I could even hear bells in my mind  (which is unusual for me, i dont like thinking of bells lol)   my eyelids felt bright and my soul was uplifted and i remember thinking about how much i didnt want that feeling to end.


I've never had a weird feeling or experience since then.  I want to though,

has anyone felt this before? am i alone?  any thoughts?  is it possible to feel it again? i'd really like to....   i never meditated before, and frankly i dont know how, but i've felt those feelings without meditation so I'm wondering if i really need it.

after i'd say my thoughts to god i remember saying the our father over and over until i'd fall asleep, maybe that was kind of ... meditation?
anyways... im not so religious anymore and i think saying the same phrase (such as the our father) is meaningless and stupid

Did you realize the value of not any give and take was uplifting because
the antithesis of normal affected lack of interaction with "God" didn't now
allow the negative your parents kept [what you refer to as racist] was to
then flow into your life as you had never "incepted mention of it" so the:
Aligned Role of What You Had Avoided As Sinister or Annoyance :: did ,.

begin affecting your life as it did when your (racist) parents denied you a
thought ability to be affected by what annoyed you (what was annoyance)
and it all flooded in at once ,. like a proscribed evil affected though net .|.

And :  Were you on MDMA .. were your parents ...  are you on MDMA now

Can you understand anything I just said.. most people don't understand me.

Thanks.. Cheer up.  Evard.

oh my  ok,
are you saying  if i realized that   my relationship with god  didnt allow for the negative of my parents to persist?
(if thats not what you meant please rephrase i'm very interested!)

--maybe... but i wasnt praying the first time i felt extatic.  the second time  i felt like... a boulder was pushed out of the road/path in my brain.  that being said... since the boulder was moved,   would i have to find another boulder to move in order to feel good?


Even if i started doing what i did YEARS ago, Im not sure it would work... I feel differently about god now.  Besides that, at the time i felt sincere compassion and i felt like i was truly sacrificing something for someone.  I'm much smarter now, I dont have negatives like racism weighing on me. though i do have negatives.

Also:   My parents have never done MDMA  or any kind of drug, they are very conservative and frown upon it.  One time i smoked and my mom found out and she asked what it was like, so for sure i know she's never been on any kind of drug.
I am not on mdma either.  I've done it only once at a festival, and the extatic it gave me was only a fraction compared to this childhood extatic memory.  I would have to take enough mdma that it would kill me in order to feel what i felt before.  but the drug lasted 6 hours,  what i felt only lasted a minute, but felt like five minutes.   im not on any drugs now, but i've considered it for meditation and perhaps reaching nirvana, i believe opiates would help with that. but some of my friends told me its a fake nirvana and a waste of time.

If your white relationship with God was genuine if even without training you have blessing
and the training to be faith in God was what we know as prayer.. you are not required to:
Pray to God although it allows the blessing to be protected with life when you are pray!ful.

Did the block removed in your mind accepting what you were was informed racist rather
than your personal feelings about races colors and creeds ,. : remove your unhappiness
and if the unhappiness was holding in a Nirvana~n bless ,. did you begin blessing highly.

Other way to say it ., will God accept you are noted as conservative 'white' , with some
white supra conserv~a-tive not standard pray!ful though hiding the reason uh Nirvana..

You tried MDA ./.  or MDMA or did you recognize the difference between high and exctasy.. .. .
Does the block on your mind former racist reason <sigh> "white" have a reason of secreted .,
(drug) nirvana [drug] with whatever reason your parents were secretive about racist~ism . . .

Make sense ./. Read it again.. and try responding proper with the way you may be blessed.      Evard.

Exstatic experiences are given us as special occurances.  I would have to say on the second one that it was given because of your need to remove some boulders that  you felt were not serving your spiritual growth.  But it is still an extreme event to use for such a purpose.  Perhaps you were not listening to the message of God in your inner being to ignore the racism perpetrated by your parents at your young age.

To be psychic requires the use of your own 5 senses (that means you are capable) so begin by a meditation exercise in which you sit quiet and think on each one of these senses and take them to the spirit within.  To do this requires a peaceful place in your imagination where you sit and commune with spirit - your own.  As you think upon your senses, be open to any impressions of energy you get when it shifts to the psychic, sensitive level of your own being.  You then add on intuition from the gut and I know from the heart - it neither sees nor hears - it just knows.