Thanks Rhutobello for your explanation , yes this is true -we all learn from our mistakes .
But i still have a question ......if we do not realise our mistake in our life time and do nothing to correct it , it may be due to our pride or ignorence then what ?      if we realise it after passing over ....then as a soul can we do something , or we have to carry that burden in our next life ie[ kARMA THEORY]

Iam asking this againand again because......... since last few days i am feeling that my father in law who passed away two and half months back  want to give some message to me .     I saw his shadow , and heard him calling my name . I am confused why he choose me whome he never liked and and never aknoledge my repeated efforts to make peace with him .   In his last few days when he was not able to speak he always joined his hands whenever i went to see him......in our culture we join hands to our elders and ...if we have to ask for forgiveness .    He tried to say something to me and it took me four days what he wanted to say ,  he asked me to adopt a child from the orphanage . When i understood he started crying and never spoke a word after that till his last moment.
I am sorry i dont want to bring my personal matters here thats why i generalise my question as it could be any soul . But as i am still learning ......so i want to clarify my doubts

The question is good, and I hope other who have more knowledge on the subject will give you their view.

I will as usual give mine, but that is more on how I feel.

I am sure that anyone who travel to the spirit world, no longer have any "pride" to protect, so they will try to settle everything they feel they did wrong.

I am sure if they are able to settle any dispute, they will do so, because a spirit has no need for revenge, neither have they need to carry it with them, or to "win".

I am sure that any spirit, will not allow any of their dear to suffer, if it stay in their power to release this suffering.

So if you feel that you get a good contact with your "loved ones", that someone ask for forgiveness, or give forgiveness, then accept, because that gives both you and the spirit peace.

If you on the other hand get thoughts about the opposite, then waste those thought as speedy as possible, because no spirit will do such thing, and the thoughts are most surly a product of your own way to punish yourself.

And when we see all those who go around with thoughts similar to you, then we see the real need to settle any dispute, and few feuds are strong enough to be carried for to long.....the feud is many times more hurting then what started it, and very often is it very little that shall be done to settle it....but again it need effort from all parts

Thanks again Rhutobello for your responce and understanding me .      Besides posting here for guidance i am also in touch with people around me who have more experience of the spirit world than me ..........and with their guidence i started to meditate and tying to speak to my father in law's soul ......though i got no responce .....but i ask him to please excuse me ....as we [i and my husband] are both in our fiffties,  we cant take the responsibility of a small child and more so i dont want to adopt a child just to satisfy my motherly instinct .
i also forgave him and ask for his forgiveness   if i hurt his feelings in his lifetime. .......i dont know the outcome because i am doing it since last few days but did not get any message or sign , but i am sure if thats what he want to say to me what i assume or understood then i hope his soul will be at peace.
Thanks again for your guidence .

surinder