Thanks for your encouragement eidhneán ini,

I'm starting to feel better actually, I mean the first part is accept the fact than what is lost is lost and there will be no way to recover it and the second I guess is thinking life is too short to waste my time torturing me for things that can't be fixed.

You are right about if someone fall in love with me again, she will fall in love with a new me that has little to do with the old one, I guess it will take their time but eventually I will lower my defenses and trust someone again even knowing the risk of being betrayed again exists and always will.

About what this relationship has taught to me...well, that is really a hard question and always depends on the point of view you choose to take, I know there are usually no white and blacks in relationship but a great range of greys. I know I had a a lot of blame in the failure of the relationship but I wasn't the only one, I will try not to commit the same mistakes I made in this one.

I guess a thing that I have learned and I hardly will forget is to NEVER take something or someone for granted, no matter how happy things seem to be, everything can go to hell in the blink of an eye and left you without nothing and that treat someone too well (overwhelming) can make them lose their interest in you pretty fast making them look for other people to replace you, and to choose when to be sincere and when not to be it can save you for an eververlasting hate too.
Anyway, I think at least I have learned to be a decent lover ;) that's a good one.

You are so right about the indiference, at least the hate gives you something to fight back...the indiference shows that you are not worthy enough to spend energies in hating you.

Best wishes and love!

In my experience, indifference (or any feeling) cannot be forced. Do not TRY to forget her, don't TRY not to hate or love her. Just feel what you feel, remember what you remember, and move on with your life. The memories will start to come less often and your feelings will fade, as it's hard for most people to hold a grudge without effort. It was a wonderful day for me when I realized I simply did not care anymore. FREEDOM! It'll happen for you. Be patient.

Thanks a lot for your patience and advices!
You always know what to say, I feel very lucky to read you

Actually I think you are right, I don't have a button in my brain that I can switch to "total indiference" on or something like that and the worst of all, even if I had it I'm sure that in the end I wouldn't push it, I mean, I know that even her total indiference is not so total, I know that deeply in our hearts we always will want the best for each other and sometimes that means not being friends, or maybe at the most being it when the wounds are fully healed, but that is something that I can't lose my time considering now anyway.

I guess I should feel grateful for having the opportunity of being so happy with her (the good moments of this relationship will always win for a huge distance to the bad ones) and that she would be honest enough to leave me when she felt it was the best and leaving our friendship when she saw it wasn't going to end well, I wouldn't have been a good friend in that moment and would have suffered a lot hearing some things, it was too soon for me.

As you say I have to be patient (never was one of my virtues but I don't have a choice) and let the things follow their course, about not caring anymore(I know, I know, I'm always changing my mind) I'm sure that day will come but I still have the hope that we may end having a decent relationship, not a great friendship maybe but you know, that she may become someone you can call once in a few months and talk a bit about everything, she just was such a great friend while we were together...

You know, the only thing that really worries me is if will have I able to find another person which I can get such an amazing affinity in every level in so little time or ever, before this relationship I though it was impossible, now I know that was half true.

Anyway, whatever have to be will be.

Best wishes and love!