Have you heard of the enneagram? It sounds like you are encountering some of the issues of a social 5.

I have no idea what this enneagram is. It sounded like a medical procedure to me...

I have read the posts here, and I would like to throw my two cents in. My thoughts are that you definitely focus on yourself to strongly. I am the exact opposite as yourself. I attract people without doing a thing, some positive and some bad. When I speak of people, I mean heterosexual and homosexual. I naturally attract people with no effort at all. It can be very troubling because if I do not reciprocate in a like manner towards them, they get bent out of shape.  (I am heterosexual!!!)
    I did not have this attraction to others when I was younger, but now I do! I do need to stress that I have a strong connection to the spirit world. I believe that you may also have a connection, but you do not know how to access it.
  MEDITATE, MEDITATE, MEDITATE! I purchased a Chakra meditation kit from Monte Farber which included candles, meditation CD, and a book. I use it nearly everyday, whenever and wherever I can. Try it.

Enneagram Type Five in Brief
Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeFive.asp

I can understand, because at times, I've felt the same.. I'm sure most of us have had our bad moments when such thoughts come to us and destroy our peace of mind. Like xaxaa, I think perhaps you may be trying too hard.  Or maybe you are waiting on others to take the lead -initiate a conversation.. people may not be as confident as they may seem from outside. In fact, a number of people have told me they thought I was arrogant and unapproachable until they had interactions with me. I was always surprised by that, since I was being shy and not feeling confident.. Another problem is that at times we feel so awkward, we tend to withdraw from situations, and we often seem t oblend into the surroundings..so much so that we become colorless, uninteresting people...
If any of these sound familiar t oyou, perhaps you could try positive affirmations, to boost your self confidence. Do read up about them and perhaps use a tool.. In fact Mystic Board's MB free subliminal messages software is a great tool. do check it out, if you think it will help