This also came up for me to share with you...along the same lines as xaxaa

. . . love is a great beautifier.
--Louisa May Alcott

Meeting life head-on, with a smile, attracts to us people and situations. Our attitudes shape our world - which is not to deny that problems do occur. However, problems can be viewed as special opportunities for personal growth -- as gifts, more or less, that we are ready to receive. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. The stumbling blocks we encounter push us beyond our present awareness. They teach us that we are stronger and more creative than we'd thought. Problem solving is esteem-building.

Negatively confronting the day is sure to complicate any experiences. A simple misunderstanding can be exaggerated into a grave situation, requiring the energy of many people to handle it. On the other hand, a patient, trusting, loving attitude can turn a grave situation into a positive learning experience for all affected.

We can beautify the day by smiling at it and throughout all the experiences it offers us. The expression of love to everyone we meet guarantees to make us more lovable in return.

How great is my influence today! I can go forth feeling love, if I choose to--guaranteeing an enjoyable day for me and everyone I meet.

Hello, please, I dont understand, can you explain more about how I'm internalizing my world, as you say? How do I externalize then? I really dont know.

I believe that there are higher beings than us. Is that what you mean by having faith in a higher power? I believe I have spirit guides. Should I believe in one god? Join a religion? I believe in spirituality, but I really dont think religion is for me, though. My concept of God, is of the Universe, and God is everyone, and everyone is God. That sort of thing.

Thank you, xaxaa, I'll keep that in mind.

I was refering to development of your spiritual side, not religion (that's for you to decide though). Know that you are not alone then.
The internalizing is a sense of self-consciousness. For example walking in a room and thinking everyone is looking at you, not liking you...it's a kind of self-centered fear....then internalizing it to mean there's something wrong with you. It's your perception. Self-love is important and that is then relected outward.

So what you're saying is, I should get in touch with my inner self, my Higher Self, the part of me that is connected to spirit. Meditate, develop my intuition? Does having this 16/7 life path require that I be in touch with my spiritual side?

So what you're saying is, right now, I am radiating the aura of "something is terribly wrong with me" and this is what others sense which keeps them away from me? And all these years it's gotten worse because I have had more time to believe my own delusion that something is wrong with me and that people dont like me because of me? A kind of hatred for myself because, for so long, I have believed that I dont belong? This self-centered fear, it has reinforced itself in me because of the results I've been getting, mostly because of the fear itself? Should I then believe that I do belong, and that I am worthy of attention, and that those that dont give me their attention is because of their own problems and not mine? When I am desperate for attention, does this scream to others that I am not worthy of attention?

You know, because of this, I've always had a list of things I've wanted to aquire before I could even begin to feel confident in myself about this. Things like, say, knowledge, and a focused mind. Hypothetically, if I were to gain these things, which I think would definitely make me feel alot more confident in myself, would the aura of "something is terribly wrong with me" go away and people start giving me the attention I've always desired?