Hi folks! I'm wrestling with a problem right now, and I really would appreciate some thoughts from y'all....well here goes, I went to Ethiopia on holiday (combined it with a conference my husband had to attend, otherwise I'd never have dreamed of going there!) Utterly beautiful land, but most of the people are dirt poor. The people are lovely, but unfortunately the instant they see a foreigner, they see a walking bank, and so many encounters started off promising and ended up being some sort of way to wring money from you, and some got really quite unpleasant. Being treated as nothing more than a cash opportunity was really sad.

Anyway, while we were exploring a path, I encountered this charming little girl (about 10 or 11) who came to practice her English, though by now I was waiting for the usual money request. She told us a bit of a sob story about how poor she was, but didn't actually ask for any money, though one of her relatives came rushing up to her and demanded that she charge us a whole load of money for acting as our 'guide'. Anyway, we exchanged e-mail addresses, and sure enough, the 2nd e-mail is a request for money, otherwise, according to her, that will be the end of her education, etc etc....

My husband is dead against it. he says we owe her nothing, and her relatives have put her up to demanding money, and it's very clear to him that we simply shouldn't.

But to me, it's as clear as mud. What if she really needs it, and her future goes down the drain because I refused her? Anyway, a monthly wage in Ethiopia is around $40-50 or £20-40. So about £50 would go a long way. But I also feel bad about being "used", though I don't always mind being ripped off. If a person asks me, then I feel they probably need it. Not that I have very much money of my own, I'm generall pretty hard up, though I could afford £50, which is the sum I thought might be ok.

I tried using dowsing to figure it out, and the answer was 'give the money'. However, I've realised the dowseing has been giving me the wrong answers to some things. So now I just need to use some common sense plus a bit of compassion....

If you've read all the way to the end of this this..  thanks! So, any thoughts?

My only question is which way would help you sleep at night?

In the end because you dont know the whole story or how the  money will infact be used then all you can do is decide which way would help you sleep better at night, even if the money was used for something else.   One thing I would like to add is that once you hand over money their want of more will bring them back again to ask for more.  Survival shows we go to where we know we will get what we need in life, whether we truly want to ask or not.
Its a true shame that in the end the 50 wont go that far it may last the month and for the rest of the time they will be back to square one....

I would try to follow what my heart asked of me. It's not about trying to convince yourself one way or the other. Your heart knows what it wants, but your mind allows influence from others and influence from what you think her life should be.

The sad thing is, even if you sent money I doubt it would go to her education if that is what you wished it to go towards, but that is just me. Does it matter though how it is spent? Maybe it does to you, I don't know. The fact is people live difficult lives all the time. They'll probably still live difficult lives even with your help, but nevertheless, your heart still speaks.

Sorry I could not be of more help, but I'm sure you will make peace with it.

Hello Lostinspace    

First thing... I love your name, not only is this the title of my favorite childhood television program,
I am a Space cadet myself. LOL

Your query here has touched my heart.  You poor thing, carrying the world on your shoulders... [Heavy sigh]
I am a bleeding heart too.  (((HUGS)))
Awwww, Hun anyone who visits poor countries has to somewhat harden. Begging is a job.  FOA is right, you can ease your mind with a donation... but in the end.... ???
The thing I see strongly here is the adult relative coming out of hiding... The young girl is being used.... if anyone is getting ripped off here it is her... no matter how much you send, she likely won't see it.  

I know this young girl has snatched a piece of your heart...    Offering a gift is a nice gesture.  Maybe something other than cash money...  a care package; books? a dress? art supplies?  You understand what I am getting at...  Hmmmmm....  if this families correspondence is just about the cash thing... they will probably stop emailing you when they are sure you are not going to.  Sending cash once... just once... is going to make you feel further obligated...  I'm gonna side with your husband.

Here's another (((HUG)))

P E A C E
Evie

Thanks for your replies sweet folks!

From your replies I see that there is no clear right or wrong, and that I just have to decide what I can live with, keeping in mind (flight of angels) that they probably will keep coming back for more..

Sidewalk bends, no, I'll bet the money won't be spent on her education, but that doesn't matter as much as just feeling I responded to a request for help.

Evie, Hi! I remember LOST-IN -SPACE too! I wish they'd show repeats of it. Thanks for the hugs - I could use some right now! I was actually planning on sending her some English books to help with her studies, which is why I exchanged e-mails in the first place. Then she kind of flattened that thought with her request for money...if it's money she's after, probably only money will satisfy

Yeah, sending money will probably lead to me 'supporting'    her all the way to university.


So..possibly I might send her some money but make it clear that it's a payment I can only make once a year, and still send those English books.

THANKS and HUGS to y'all for taking the time to reply. Good to get the feedback.