Hello Everyone,       warning i just read back my post, it's long. i could have stopped to at least take a breath, jeez.

you guys have said some very nice things about me I'm getting flushed in the face.
i value and respect all the insight i have been given. i agree with with much of what everybody said. Rhutobello I too think it is a "money thing"
with my son's dad . The things that he continues to do, make it very hard to believe that. his latest is making Justin do lunges in his courtyard so all the neighbors can see he is being punished. I don't want to start getting into all that now, I'm trying to stay positive.

Oh Jodi why are you so hard on yourself, I do feel your pain and I also understand how hard it is to forgive yourself, but you can do it, in fact I know you can, stuff the past look at your future there's a lot waiting for you, I know that you can't see it right now but it's there, just waiting for you to accept it. I'm here for you my friend.

I might be out of order....or we might think the same....but I will back to the forgiveness thing.

What you have done, is done, and it have given you a very bad expirience, that somhow is both bad and good. Bad in the way that it destroyed your life in that time epoke and bad since it destroyed your abbility to follow your sons growth.
But this is thing that have happen, nothing you do can change it, you can never undo it....B U T you can use it.
You have been stronger then before, you can talk with greater authority, you might even volunteer to tell youth about it, you can use it in many differnt way, but you and your son must have an open and good talk about it first.

If you go around and feel that you can't forgive yourself, then this will have a great influence on your life and will act as schackles.
When you get back your boy, he will soon notice "your guilt feelings" and this will be used as crowbar to get his own whishes fulfilled.
I can't see this will be to his advance, but I am sure it will happen if you don't axcept that fact that in order to help him you must forgive yourself.

I know!!! It's much much more easy for me to say it, then for you to do it....but on the other hand...I sit outside of your family and can see it another way!

Good luck....you have my respect at least !

Even when we can not forgive, we can release!  Let go of all that pain!  When you have been able to release any consequence, then you can begin thinking about forgiveness.  

It is a hard road.  And releasing the energy you are holding is the hardest part.  But if you have a higher power (God) release to those hands of peace and love.  In that way, you are not interfering with your own healing.  And it also allows God to choose another path for all concerned...somehow this is not our responsibility...and it is only what is ours to do we are responsible to do.

Your thinking is still all over the map!  Zero in...it is only YOU that is important!  In that way, you can make more reasoned decisions, without taking EVERYONE into account.  What is best for you is what is best!

Just a quick note:

You have to like you self before you can like others..
I know been there done that.. You Have to love your self before you can love others... You've changed so much.. Teach your self, train your self I like me.. I love me. I'm good, I'm not that same person years ago.. Start training your mind... I'm good, I love me, I like me, I'm good.. I like me, I love me.. I'm good... Love thy self... It's not being stuck on your self.. It's learning to be able to forgive and have peace in mind and soul...

ps,
Your Shadow watching over you~!! *Smiles*