In the out

Inside the out I have come to find

Various stages of various places

I am terrified within this wall

Trying not to come unglued

Trying to find you

I am scared only to find

That sometimes my dreams are not

Only in my mind

I am not sure what is happening

Not sure what to do

What is happening I do ask everyday

What is this thing

This thing that we play

Not so sure that I like what I have found

Bothered since I only wished to be mom

Now not so sure what is happening inside this

Mind of mine, did I find a different release

I love my children for that there is no question

One day I was normal

The next I am terrififeid for each and every other

Then I am here just here amonst those who I do not know

I think this is an off day

A day I returned home

I am scared and alone, I need some of my friends

Please help me, love me, I need you again

I am terrified what I am seeing and seeing this is not good

What it is is what I am

And what I am is something I forgot

Inward I turn to find the strength

Trying to find my friends

Trying to find my friends who remember me

I am just here within my shell

Another reason I hide so well

Not so well hidden this I must say

I am afraid my loves

Afraid and scared out of my mind

That is just the least of it

Take care loves

Safe Journey

I am not doing so well

Not sure what is happening to me

What I say is that this is odd

Strange things not to be

I do not know what I am

I do not know what to be

Only a good mom and person

This I try to strive to be

Now I am just scared of the nightmares

Those that have been pleagueing me

I love my country, and love my God

This in those short few weeks of solitare

My mind did awake

Now I wish for sleep to sleep within the norm

Back to the days of laughter and joy

Back to the time of finding my way

What is happening to me my friends?

Why am I so terrified and tremble like a child

Clutching on to my blankie, I tremble

Something is worrying me yet I remain possitive

The meds have numbed me, this I do realize

I do know that something I know something is there

But instead of looking for it I will close my eyes

I will shut my ears off

I will shut my mind

To all these things that I do see for they are not for me

I am just here and that is that

Love you all

Wished it was

Now I go and try to do normal.

What is normal? What is this normal after it is that? I do not know but I am willing to try. There is so much good still here and I am trying my darnest to think the possitive while faced with this negativity. There are things I just didn't want to know. Things better left unsaid, and to let go.  Mark my word. If you hear anything I have said that is what I say the most.

Leave it go.  

Live.