Again today I search
Leaving me crumbs
I did see
All that you left for me

I located info
Some good and some bad
Seems that you are sick
Is it really that bad

The love you give her
Not of our blood
Is she more important
Is she more loved

From a distance I kept watching
Awaiting your replie

Although I have studied
I am below
Another disappointment
Your afraid to show

I had only wished to share
A moment of your time
To know my father
The way that she knows mine

I am a bit jealous
This I will say
I tried so hard
You threw it away

I your first born
Such a disappointment
Your sons and her child
You all have welcomed

Close your eyes
But you will see
The little girl you left
You'll never be free

Your actions, the lessons
So much have I grown
I am but your child
Please remember me

WOW!  Beautiful poem dear, thanks for sharing this with us .

Prasanna-thank you for your kind words.

Danny-As to the manure, lol. I like that little tid bit. Now that you put in that way, I should be nice and full of flavor.  Will have to remember that.  I'm gonna write that down and put it somewhere to remind me.  Nice words to share.  

As to the step-mom, wish I could say she was evil.  Wish I could hate her daughter whom my dad has taken under his wings.  But they are really nice to him and I see through his posts on his site that he is happy.  Having left as a child, I always tried reaching out.  This was something I just had to except, to respect his wishes.  Now he is sick and I know more than I wish.  Not having the closer will hurt the most I think.  There is always hope and that is what I have to keep believing.  Until he draws his last breathe, I will be there...ready to recieve with arms wide open.  It might not happen.  I'll just cross that bridge when I get there.  My father's lesson for me was that I could not make anyone love me. Love is not guarenteed.  No matter how hard I tried to make him proud to want me to be in his life, I would not measure up.  Like you mentioned, some people want them to be what they are not.  I learned I was doing this for the wrong reason, I needed to do it for me.  I also needed to learn to respect other people's wishes, even if I didn't agree.  Out of love I do not cause strive in his life.  Although I have my moments where I want to cause some mischief!!  But would this really make me feel better?  Would I have my father in my life?  More than likely I would just push him away further.  So I watch from a distance, and wait.  Even in this, I see the poo that makes my soil rich.  Never heard it put that way before until today, but I like it!! Thank you again for sharing.

Safe Journey

OLD poem but hopefully some of you will enjoy! It was written for a weary and troubled -- and yet very peaceful in some ways -- soul that I met in my long journey. A product of a divorce beyond her control. I never got close enough to ask if she blamed herself for the divorce. I would easily have done so -- today...:
**********************************
SOME   FATHER'S   DAY  

Sitting in my swing watching butterflies flitter
as a cloud rolls by shedding its lonely tear
as winds blow by and rock me gently
as hazy memories on this day become so clear

Those strong sinewy hands that touched me never
those rough hard fingers that I longed to touch
that I wished held me as they dressed my scrapes
a pat on the head that said I love you dear

That hardened face with its lines and shadows
that hugged me goodnight and tucked me and my bear
the knee I sat on that felt so strong
the familiar voice reading 'my' bedtime story

That booming voice that raised me with love
that gentleness that was only mine
behind the shell of strength of his exterior
As I hugged him tight and he loved me back

That proud face on my graduation day
the tear-filled happy eyes giving me away
the loneliness that I, just left behind...
cherished memories that I could have shared

Love I've had by bushels and bushels
as I took what was there and gave myself!
On this day though I wish I had
the dream of my life, my darling dad.

**************June 1993*************

Those were 'simpler' times believe me in NET-REALITY!!

Rohiniranjan