I have always been very clumsy with words :-(
Whether it was prose or certainly poetry ...
but at the same time I love to write and such is the kindness of those who I dare show my inept attempts, just reminds me how much patience, tolerance and love there exists in certain circles, and yes such a lot of BEAUTY too ;-)

But this posting is about warnings! I wrote the following when I was still trying to absorb a ghastly news from India about a devastating earthquake that occured in the early nineties.

When I read it tonight, it felt a bit melodramatic but back then it was loved by those who read it (maybe they did not want to hurt my feelings!).

Dear friends, I request this august body of writers and poets and verse-atile folks to suggest how I could have written the poem better!

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INDIA  QUAKE  
=====  =====
BY
ROHINIRANJAN
74346,2453
(c) 1993
==========================================

A crash
like booming fireworks on a Diwali* night
Trembling and shaking walls,
worse than the time I had malaria fever.
Waking up suddenly from my slumber,
my eyes widen with horror
as I see the wooden beam from the roof crash down
The momentary excruciating pain of being crushed  AAAAGGGHHHH  
then numbness  --  merciful Rama
My hands still move, I touch my cold face.
Devki, my wife, and my five year old, what happened, where???
momentary concern, just before the daze envelopes me
broken by more worries, about my cousin
who arrived yesterday from up north, for a visit.
A visit he will remember, or maybe  not
Swimming globes of color, heavenly nada** music
The house needs to be painted
I still need to make payments
for that water pump I bought for my farm.
Oh   The heart medicine for ma
I should have got that from the hospital yesterday.
Must sell that bicycle, my only means of transport.
The little one needs milk to grow,
then school, books, new clothes,
so much left to do, but this growing darkness,
that engulfs me  ... as I fade . . . in peace.

======================

======================
*Diwali -  a festival of lights celebrated around this time of the year
in India, with lights and fireworks, to celebrate the victory of gods over demons.

**Nada - a cosmic primordial note/music that seems to flow through the ether, a vibration of spheres

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End  of  File
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October 23, 1993   10:15 PM EDT
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ROHINIRANJAN
My belief is it is perfect just the way you have written it. These were you're feelings at the time and you have given them a voice. Poetry does not have to rhyme and being melodramatic isn't what you poem is. It is the truth of what you were going through. Relax and enjoy. I do hope you're cousin is OK and the rest of you're family safe and well.
Love and light to you
LibB

Good lord! That was not a biographical poem!!
But I am sure, that experience must have occurred to someone during that Killari Quake and perhaps his cousin may have arrived that morning. I thank you on their behalf :-)

RR

[quote="LibB"]ROHINIRANJAN
My belief is it is perfect just the way you have written it. These were you're feelings at the time and you have given them a voice. Poetry does not have to rhyme and being melodramatic isn't what you poem is. It is the truth of what you were going through. Relax and enjoy. I do hope you're cousin is OK and the rest of you're family safe and well.
Love and light to you
LibB :smt002[/quote]

I think you're a talented writer.  Very versatile and very good with words. I hope you post and continue to share with us some of your other poems.  I look forward to reading them.

Namaste,
Beaujolais  

[quote="Beaujolais"]I think you're a talented writer.  Very versatile and very good with words. I hope you post and continue to share with us some of your other poems.  I look forward to reading them.

Namaste,
Beaujolais  :)[/quote]

Thanks, BJ! I hope you have not read this already...

SOULS

Two lonely spirits
seeking refuge in the diaphanous
comfort of dreams
as the waves of desires
fight the moorings from past
Our physical existence
melts away
In the shadow of darkness
As we drift gently
A slender touch
a shy but lingering kiss
unfulfilled passions of bodies
carried into our souls
Thirsty desires
haunting our present existence
As we fight a losing battle
with time and distance
and chains of all kinds
that deny pleasure
Our bodies, tense and aroused
fighting to stay apart
yet dying to become one
Flowing images
through our tormented brains
trying oh so hard
to overcome reality
as it struggles to confine us
and to contain our passion
the battle goes on
When tired
at the end of the day
we slumber
and reality fades away
we reach out longingly
in a satisfying embrace
Surrounded by flowers
intoxicating perfumes
heavenly music in our ears
freed from carnal tensions
As we join
in a divine embrace
cool, comforting and eternal
for a moment of respite
from the cares of existence
and the forms of conformity
Rejuvenated, we hold each other in oneness
as our desires weave our auras
into one shimmering golden shell
safe in there
we consummate our fated union
Pleasure this is indeed
bound by love
that was denied
by distance and destiny
as we seek and enjoy
the few moments of nirvana
as only souls can
Before they return
to be bound and gagged
by time and distance again.
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