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Posts: 2551 · Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:28 am

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Tolerance can lead to learning something.

-Jakob Dylan

All those who walk with God reach their destination.

-Sai Baba

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/New Year is here... time to do an end of the year inventory on all the things that you feel/think/believe have been holding you back from love. This is not my personal list, but here is an example culled from some of the comments you have shared:

1. Not over my ex

2. Too perfectionist

3. Fear I will fail

4. Too fat (skinny, unattractive, unlovable)

5. Don't have a car

6. My house is messy, no room

7. What if he/she really gets to know me

I'd like to see some lists posted her from those brave enough to share... if not, please share about your experience.

I have to give up some of my freedom.

Right now I am doing what ever when ever.

Having to cook again everyday

Loosing my independence

Giving more then I get.:(

Change in my rotines

Finding someone at my age.

I am very picky.

No smoking, drinking, couch-potato, no being rude, cruel, dishonest and I could go on.

Now turn those into positive statements, to work toward the love you DO WANT to CREATE.

Having a boyfriend brings a sense of freedom

In my relationship, I give lovingly and receive beautifully

My boyfriend loves to cook!

I know the right person is there by my side

He understands I am a little picky and that's okay

My man has good, healthy habits and he has vitality and energy.

He is honest.

One fear is that he wouldn't like my kids or they wouldn't like him. A positive is that I couldn't be with someone who didn't like my kids or they him. It makes me careful who I will go out with and shows their qualities in a different way.

Another fear is that I don't feel like I can open up and show the real me - it's too ugly. A positive is that I know that I have to work on this myself and that if I do feel comfortable enough to open up, I will really trust that person and his love.

This is tough - I'm going to have to keep thinking on how to turn the negatives into positives
Thanks for adding your lists Stillgrowing and Butterfly Davis... now create a second list that turns your fears into a postive. Use positive, affirming statements...

My beloved LOVES my kids and they love him!

My beloved is trustworthy and will stay by my side.

1.I am too set in my ways

2. I don't have the right look for the male brain.

3.I am messy and my house is disorganized.

4. Fear I will fail.

The Positives:

1. My beloved is worth gaining some flexibility.

2.He is okay with how I look or looks don't matter to him.

3.He isn't a neat freak and comfortable with chaos.

4. We won't fail because we fit and are both committed to the relationship.

Negative staements:

What's holding me back?

1:Kids

2: not enough time for love

3: Can't compete with all the skeleton and long hair woman here in Miami ..did I mention no brain? No character? Yeah well...seems like that's what the man in Miami want..

BUT

NO MORE ever since I had time for myslef over the holiday break and ever since I started reading an awesome book I have learned a lot about me ..about life and about soulmates

Positive staements:

My kids will enjoy his company and vice versa..they all get along and everyone is happy

I have time for love

And my soulmate tells me I am pretty..smart...funny..open minded...have character..and I have meat in my body and pretty short curly hair ..he loves me just the way I am and I love him just the same

Everyone... I am going to make a BIG SUGGESTION to anyone who is a clutterbug ... try to work on that in yourself. Clutter is a big block toward making dreams come true and we tend to hide ourselves behind it. A little bit is okay, but too much will keep love at bay... or could draw in messy relationships. At least clear your Love Corner.
I need to learn that I am worthy of being put up on a pedastal. Not that I necessarily want that, but to acknowledge that I deserve a little adoration now and then. I am struggling with all those old things we are told. Money is evil, wanting is evil, having is the worst, you must pay for love with behavior or service. I need an equal, and if I put someone else up on a pedastal, without climbing up myself, then I'm back where I started, with someone who wants me to support them all the time, someone who expects my unwaivering service to them. Someone who is incompletely and still believeing in the delusion that I can somehow make them a better person, or complete. Sheesh!

I want equal, fifty/fifty, you take out the trash while I make dinner in my next relationship. I want here's my share of the rent and jeese, you look like you need a back rub. (and I do).

and I want to be able to give that back without setting some precedent of meing doing all the giving. And so, I have to get me to the place where I believe I deserve that. To acknowledge, not just intellectually, that I am an inteiilgent, kind, loving, looker that anyone would be proud to have on their arm at a cocktail party.

After that, I think I'm just about perfect.

lol.

I'll pair the negatives with their positives on the other side:

I'm not in a position to accept a soulmate right now ...

... true, but I'm doing the legwork now to prepare for her arrival (see below).

I am currently underemployed ...

... but I am diligently working to obtain a professional job.

I am not currently living independently ...

... but once I have the necessary income that is my next goal and I know how to achieve it.

I don't drive ...

... and I live in the most urban area of the country, where the women I would meet are likely taking the train themselves.

I have bipolar disorder ...

... but it is under control, romantic partners have accepted that in the past, and a true soulmate certainly would.

The medicines sometimes have an effect on, well, you know ...

... and past lovers have never expressed any complaints about me in the bedroom

Maybe she won't like my dog ...

... and I have the world's cutest dog. Who wouldn't like her?

I am overweight ...

... yes, but I've lost 20-25 pounds since last spring alone and am continuing to eat less and exercise more. And I want a soulmate to appreciate me for my mind and heart and not my body, anyway (though I think I'm fairly handsome!).

I don't want (my own) kids ...

... but at my age (39 next month), there are many women in my dating demographic who have either made that decision for themselves as well, or who have teen-agers and are finishing the intense parenting phase of their lives and now wanting something more.

I'm divorced ...

... women who would make a moral judgment against me wouldn't be attracted (or attractive) to me anyway. And many of the women in my dating demographic are divorced as well.

I'm not materialistic ...

... if she was a true soulmate, she would share those values.

I'm very quirky ...

... again, if she was a true soulmate, she would not only accept but appreciate me in all my contradictions.

I don't tolerate fools gladly ...

... and "fools" (i.e., in this case, women with surface/superficial values) would never be attracted to me, anyway, so that's a non-issue.

If I haven't found my soulmate yet, I never will ...

... says who? That's your depression talking. Each relationship you have had (even, yes, your former marriage) has brought you closer and closer to what you want in a soulmate. In your last relationship, she was so close you thought she might be your soulmate. So next time you meet someone serious, there will be no doubt

This is good... it will make me think.

1. Memories of ex still constantly in mind.
2. Fear of dishonesty
3. Trying to get my own life back on track.
4. Busy, chaotic schedule. (school and work)
5. Picky, I stand very strong for what I think and want.
6. The Pain that love has caused many a times in the past.
7. I've lost the ability to trust ANYONE.
8. Wanting to make myself happy first.

Well, I just educated myself about, well, MYSELF.

Thanks! =)

This is a really good topic. I am/was the obstacle in my path.

1. I overanalyze...need to be able to change focus.

2.Fear that i will never be able to feel true love again...or even recognize it./Just have to turn everything over to my higher power and get out of the way.

3.I am very difficult in respect to socializing...accept all invitations without trying to come up with an excuse as to why I can not go.

4.The open door to the past...is FINALLY CLOSED

I learned to like me! Life is becoming so much easier.

Thank you for allowing me to share.

I have been taught now at my church by the man of God that my husband will be SENT to me, he will CHOOSE me, because God will put it together. Right now I don't have to worry about any of those things because I am not out looking for a soul-mate...Jesus Christ is my Significant Other as far as I'm concerned. After 2 failed marriages that God DIDN'T have a hand in making, I am not depressed any longer. I like doxieman's attitude.....he's got the right idea!
You folks are so great for sharing yourselves so openly... and i love the clarity that each of you are expressing here... knowing your starting point and reality, as well as your personal truth when it comes to finding love or love finding you, is crucial to the journey. Your honesty is awesome.

Note to Doxieman: You are adorable and honest and someone and I am betting someone will scoop you up soon!

God bless, Rev. Laurie Sue

Thanks, Laurie Sue and Lisa!

What is the saying from Eastern tradition -- when the student is ready, the teacher will appear?

-- I work overnight, but won't the Universe provide so that it does not matter or that things would change to allow us to be together?

2 - I am cake, my children and grandchildren are icing -- my soulmate will get along and they will love each other.

3 - Different lifestyles - well I can accept people with judging, and if my soulmate is a reflection of me, well need I say more?

4 - My looks - my soulmate should recognize me and love my looks, or at least accept them and will think I am all that an a bag of chips no matter what, also beauty comes within. I have dated a lot of drop dead gorgeous guys that have the personality of a lintball and ugly, ugly insides.

1. I'm divorced

2. I fear failure (See #1)

3. I have trust issues (See #1)

4. I'm infertile, sometimes this makes me feel flawed

5. It's been ten years since I have dated

6. I am bipolar (usually when I drop this one on the third date they never call again, the last one who did was my ex-husband)

7. This is the first time in my life I have had an entire closet to myself

8. I sacrificed my dreams to help make my ex-husband's a reality, now I am back in school after ten years working my butt off. I need to learn from that experience and not let it happen again

9. He must love dogs! And cats! No allergies!

10. I was lonelier in my marriage, than I am now that I am alone!

Michelle
Thank you all for sharing so openingly... does anyone feel they learned something new creating the list... or that they have come a little closer to accepting what is and making the effort to change what can be transformed? Or has anyone begun to think, heck, I don't want to give up the closet space?
I agree about the clutter. My house became a wreck about a year ago when I developed a horrible insomnia. I didn't have the energy with so little sleep. I am getting it back on keel but the neglect for so many months has really made it a chore. I have a minifarm and a horse. I have to do some things with the farm whether or not I slept. So, the house is what suffered. Plus, my job was demanding at the time.

Anyway, the house has become a symbol for my life. It is the one thing that bugs the heck out me. I am making great progress but I still have a long way to go. I have also decided that I won't do it alone anymore. I always could in the past and I probably can now. However, I wil. once I get things the way I like it, hire a housekeeper. I need to free myself up for what I consider important in my life. Housekeeping ain't it.

Amen, Apply20. Glad to hear your truth about clutter and your reality about how it evolved. Clarity that it bugs you is a good thing. That helps you know there are thing you might want to do to help love along... and create the space. I am going to start a new thread called HOW I WILL IMPROVE MYSELF AND MY LIFE and please feel free to update us on project. Start with a draw, a corner, an area, and see where it takes you. All my blessings, Rev. Laurie Sue
We actually sound quite compatible. Seriously! (Not a play, OR ... although goodness knows other Beliefnet couples have "hooked up," even long distance!)

My point being, even if we're not soulmates, here we are on a Web site devoted to all the problems we might have finding a soulmate ... and here we are as a guy and a gal, finding each other quite compatible JUST ON THIS GROUP OF A FEW PEOPLE. (Growing, of course, Rev. Laurie Sue, but still ....)

Rev. Laurie Sue is into solutions, not problems. And with this little bit of synchronicity (blessing?), well she -- and we -- should be.

If we think about it that way -- that we each could find someone with such commonalities so quickly, even if just as Bnet friends -- I think we're both sure to find what we're looking for.

And I'll bet everyone else is, too -- maybe not in 2008 for all, but someday ...

The internet has a certain magic to it... it is instant and allows people to reveal more about themselves. This community is a microcosm of the macrosim with a very specific vibe of open, spiritual sharing... so YES, of course, people meant to meet each other will indeed find one another here... romantic soulmates or no... we are all fellow-sister soul travelers!

It is great that we have all created this safe space in which to share ... and that we are trusting the fact that we are all drawn to this group at the same moment in time

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Posts: 2640 · Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 4:38 pm

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The internet has a certain magic to it... it is instant and allows people to reveal more about themselves. This community is a microcosm of the macrosim with a very specific vibe of open, spiritual sharing... so YES, of course, people meant to meet each other will indeed find one another here... romantic soulmates or no... we are all fellow-sister soul travelers!

This site has magic to it. I am truly blessed to have found this site and met such wonderful people, like you Pravinji.
Each day brings inspirational things to read and consider. There are wonderful people with whom I get to discuss many things and be safe doing so.
Thank you thank you.