Yes caithiggs,

Most of the time I'm happy and I had a sort of interesting awakening recently. I started being more able to visualize memories I've had. It's not important to hang onto those fleeting visions, just to realize peace. I think I will seek out some more spiritual ways of healing. I find paganism for the most part therapeutic. Being aware of things sometimes makes us more sensitive. But this is more-so related to my soul I think, and purpose than what I struggle with. I've read up on medications, and how they work does make sense. I've had success with them. In fact, after a period of time on meds I was able to piece together more of my memories from the trauma of delusions.

I think Rhutobello is right though. Schizophrenia is real. It may not be the nicest thing to deal with, but it's nothing I can will away...and I have tried.
My mother also has schizophrenia, and for the past three years started having serious symptoms..seeing it from the otherside helped me to realize how scary and hard this illness is.

I don't know if it happens more frequently with people who have to struggle with brain disorders, to notice strange things. I know that I am hyper aware...and that sometimes I can hear light, and it really bothers me. In some ways, it's possible that schizophrenia is a natural born state of heightened awareness, but being hyper-aware is not always amazing.
Learning limits too is something important.

If anyone has seen Limitless- sometimes schizophrenia is like that, or just natural, that you believe you are limitless....where the confusion comes in I'm not sure but like in the movie---the higher you climb the farther you have to fall.

It's easier for me not to relate spirituality to my disorder, actually. But it has helped me to realize that both are separate altogether.

Derived from the Greek meta ta physika ("after the things of nature"); referring to an idea, doctrine, or posited reality outside of human sense perception. In modern philosophical terminology, metaphysics refers to the studies of what cannot be reached through objective studies of material reality. Areas of metaphysical studies include ontology, cosmology, and often, epistemology.

Metaphysical - Longer definition: Metaphysics is a type of philosophy or study that uses broad concepts to help define reality and our understanding of it. Metaphysical studies generally seek to explain inherent or universal elements of reality which are not easily discovered or experienced in our everyday life. As such, it is concerned with explaining the features of reality that exist beyond the physical world and our immediate senses. Metaphysics, therefore, uses logic based on the meaning of human terms, rather than on a logic tied to human sense perception of the objective world. Metaphysics might include the study of the nature of the human mind, the definition and meaning of existence, or the nature of space, time, and/or causality.

You write you have been diagnosed with schizofrenia, though from what I know that is a pretty broad term - does it mean paranoia/delusions?

If you are actually suffering from something and need help, then you need help and I would advice you to get it.
If you are not suffering from anything, then you need to convince whoever (if anyone) is forcing medication upon you that you do not need it. Failing this, you need to get away and start a life of your own. Regardless, I would still advice you to finish college.

The way I see it, it is not impossible that there is in fact an entity which is opposed to you. In fact, there can be many. Many unwillingly (or stupidly) create self-/destructive "patterns" which might be felt or even perceived. Further, every institution - every "name" - has an energy (including a purpose and possibly a will) of its' own.
As such, your family has an energy, your father has an energy and the psychiatric facility has an energy. When you stop taking your prescribed medication there is a good chance that the entity you are feeling "up against" is actually a mental construct of your own based on your perceptions and feelings about these energies.

Like I said, everyone has energies and throughout life most encounters a whole wide range of people - some will raise your energy level simply by being in their presence, some will soothe your hurts, some will give you valuable tools, some will attack you on sight, some will suck the energy from you, and some will literally tax you.

It is important not to oppose the negatives - this means it will be waiting for you as soon as you let down your guard and keeping your guard up forever will essentially kill you - you will no longer be living, but merely surviving.
The trick is to rise above it and not let it affect you. This can be easier said than done - especially if one is a creative thinker and especially if one is sensitive because it can be hard not to get carried away. Luckily, this is an occult forum and so let me tell you there are rituals which you can easily learn and employ which cause you to be unaffected by various energetic filth sent your way whether by intent or not.

If you feel that external energies are attacking you, then I would advice you to use the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram at least once a day.  (It is essentially a way to program your brain to create around your body a sphere programmed to redirect harmful energy around it or to simply absorb it and convert it to raw, useful energy.)
There are many variations of this Ritual - I advice finding one that is as simple as possible or simply choosing the one that feels right. Google it if you don't know what it is.
Just know that it is your mind that is at work and that it can accomplish anything. Eliminate all doubt and believe this so much you simply know it and casually accept it as truth.

Some generic advice regarding meds:

Never just stop taking your meds;
Never just start taking your meds;
Always adjust by decreasing/increasing dosage as per instructions.
Seriously; abrubtly starting or ending such psychiatric treatment can mess you up even if nothing is wrong with you in the first place.

All the best,

Charlesman.

☼

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with free will to known you may be health.y and not with recession forever.

Brought to you by Evard . Moderated by re:ignorance I suppose . Will the.n
ignorance be unkind or simply not to tell of the fortune of forlorn . . . . . .
Evard ~ what do this now in things undecided . . we don't like winner.s then, wonder who is Master . . . Admin . . .  .  Ev

typos . verb form . sentence structure .  Evard