Dear Pravin,

Thank you for everything. I must tell you about what happened when I was twenty-five because others do not understand, and you would understand that what I talk about is not ficticious, and a blessing. Not crazy. I found a guru quite by accident. His name was Swami Muktananda. I had a kundalini awakening that took me by surprise. I would have kriya's and mudras and yoga postures happen all by itself almost. I was so high from the love of God that I quit drinking and drugs all my itself. Those things just fell away. I used to chant constantly, and couldn't get enough of it. It was like nectar. I never met Muktananda in person, but I didn't have to. I did talk with him on the phone one time when Kaveri called him, so I could get my name from him. It was Yogada with a - over the last a. He told me that it meant bestower of yogas. I became celibate only because it came naturally, and I didn't need anything any more. I was in a near constant state of bliss. I quit drugs, alcohol, and everything because it fell away. Everything did the dance of God. Everything and everyone was a goddess or God. The trees were happy, the flowers were happy, and even the grass worshipped God. I used to chant constantly. That was my nectar. If I could chant for twelve hours straight, I would. I became a renunciate, and I wanted to become a swami, but I was a female. Muktananda made female swami's here in America, but I never became one. I used to chant in different languages. One time I was chanting in Tibetian, and a swami told me that it was Tibetian. I recorded it, and got a book from the library, and translated part of it, and it was prayers about what was going on in my life. One time when I was still married to my first husband, my head lifted up off of the pillow, and a sanskrit voice came out of my throat chakra, and spoke into my husbands ear. He thought I was possessed, and he made me make a choice between him or God. I chose God. This
was very painful. I fell in love with God so much that sometimes my breath was almost taken away thinking of Him. I studied all the deep things of Yoga for about three years when I read many books in Muktananda's Library. I took lessons in Sanskrit at the Ashram. Something terrible happened which I will write in another post. I found God forever. I do not see life as other people do, and I never will again. My guru is
Jesus now, but my heart will always love Muktananda even though he was supposed to have done terrible things, and I felt betrayed by my own Guru. I went into the dark confusion of the world after my abduction by Erik Johonson. I was so confused and broken that I thought I was dead for three years. I was physically ill, and confused. It is easy to talk with you, and I know that you are an enlightened soul, and you bring back to me what I lost after the abduction. I want to see the trees worship God again. I want to see people like I did back then. But, emotional states come and go, and I accept where I am. The only thing that matters is to fufill my goal, and my promise to God. I had a near death experience when I
was twenty-two, and I chose to be here. I chose. I had to write about this, so you knew a little bit about where I have been in life. My husband Wes was also enlightened, and had a kundalini awakening in the same yoga group, but we didn't know each other back then. He followed Muktananda's guru, Nityananda. He understands everything I have ever experienced
in life like this, and doesn't think anything bad about me. He is not confused like I am. I have to write about other things now. Thank you Pravin for being there for me, and the others.
Sad Guru Nath Mararaj Ki Jay!
Love, Pamela