Another thing to take into consideration is both your ages.
As said you two have a good relationship number, but you yourself feel that that is not the case......don't judge it to early

My wife and our eldest daughter was as cat and dog, true my daughters whole childhood.

When she passed 20 everything changed, for the last 24 years they have been more "best friends" then mother and daughter, so let the time do its work.

Many times we do silly thing towards those we love, especially in our teens

Thank you very much for ur help and insite.  Some of that rang true, and I will have to work on it and make things work.  Hopefully in time this too will pass

9-6-1994 Ryan Wesley Fradella
3-30-1980 Toni Marie Fradella
for Ryan numbers-8,2,9,8,1 dob-9,6,5,2
for Toni numbers -1,6,1,9,7 dob-3,3,9,6
generally people  born on 3 dates are people who follow rules & also expect others to follow them.in your case since the total number is 6 you are more likely to be strict with your family members especially on those younger to you because of your love towards them.
your brother a 2 number person seeks love in a soft way.due to 5 & 9 in his dob he cannot tolerate restrictions on him.your brother numbers are falling in fire triangle & yours is falling in water triangle.here the compatibility is not at all matching.you people will be good when you are far from each other in location.When you become close to each other the problem increases.it is better to live far away from each other & love each other then fighting with each other by living together.the numbers are showing natural attraction for each other,but due to above number properties it is clashing the real happiness.i wish you will overcome it.