I'm 22 and I went through similiar feelings not too long ago. I saw the numbers, I'd only learned about them when I turned 19 or 20 so depending on how you add the digits, I could be a 33 or a 6. I felt as if people around me had high hopes for me, once I let them see who I was. However, to the rest of the world I remained wrapped up tightly. I just recently graduated, so I started using my newfound freedom to build up all sorts of networks around myself. I work part-time as a web designer for a company, and the rest of the time, for my own clothing company I started with a friend. I wear many hats, I play whatever role I need to play to get by... and it's not without some self-sacrifice. I like role playing, but I have to do it all the time, so it hurts and confuses me sometimes. However, I found that in all the costume changes, from work clothes to the clothes i sell and wear to promote and the clothes I choose to wear when it's "just me"... i have faces, moods, and personalities to match with each. I only found myself after figuring out that it wasn't "me"... I was just playing a role. I needed to find the person playing the role. It seems you don't want to play the roles that have been pre-set for you in this world. It seems you can't bare to fit in with it and go along with the prescription. That's okay! You have trouble because you know that you can do better. However, sometimes you have to wait it out in the shallow before you can take a deeper dive. You need to wait here, in the cloudy space, to see the next opportunity when it breaks. You don't want to get washed away because you dove into something over your head, but don't wait too long either. It's hard work... every tier I've climbed, I felt like it was 2 steps forward and one back. One good thing happens, then something bad immediately happens which prevents me from really getting that chance to celebrate the latter. So its a hard climb, but it is a climb. No one will place you on top of the mountain, the only way to get there is to suit up and climb. Hope you can find your center, your inspiration, and see the temporary suffering in the wading pool as your key to happiness in the deeper waters.