And each must have their individual journey, in their own way, to learn and grow.  Experience is what is the teacher.  How we accept the lessons is a measure of our own soul growth.

Youre right  - I reread my last post, it didn't give enough info, so soz for that.
I think I fall miserably in the hole that I know what I want to try get across and then I start to type or open my mouth and I think I got it, but then (in the case of written words) when I check a few days later I see that it only made sense to moi - that the words I have chosen are not deep or full enough to truly express my thoughts and feelings. Sigh.
I'm not a very good communicator - maybe its cause I chose not to speak for the first 7 years of my life!!!

So thank you for being so understanding.

~~~~

Words are powerful.   I try to choose carefully.  Most of the time, less is more in that regard.

RR:  Have you checked out the Indigo materials?  That is very much like what you are describing.  I know in some of them they suggest indigos are aliens.  But I take that as just being alien in your own environment.  You just don't fit it.  Particularly when it comes to what others think and suggest and expect for you, even well meaning parents and siblings.

Some say there were learning difficulties (even ADD or ADHD) but I found I could fit right in.  Perhaps it is a generation thing.  Fitting in to the best of my ability helped me to get the guidance I needed to go on through life.  I had some wonderful teachers and of course, the opposite as well.  

Indigos march to their own drummer in life.  But then again so do Aquarians (my sign) and that helps to see themselves as individual and unique.  Then they see everyone in that light.

Being an alien in my own environment... check and more like ANY environment for that matter
I'm the odd one out in every single situation and place I have ever been in within my life. It was this drive to fit in that I thought I would find happiness and acceptance with spiritual ppl. How wrong was I. I was even more of an outcast and they assumed and delegated many many different labels for me.
I even started to believe them.
(And unfort I find it still happens - but I'm much stronger and stable now to not get swayed.)

Then I decided stuff that - I know I'm not wrong and have been going at it alone. I have always wished, prayed and cried for a teacher who would really get me. And so the years ticked on. Nothing. Yet I still have hope and faith cause i would like to be able to talk openly and be understood and not have to explain everything all the time - as I find that very difficult, the explaining part. I explain in feeling rather than words I find.
But i needed guidance - I knew I needed it really badly as you know I am empathic, so I needed to figure out a level of sanity real quick cause i was spiralling down at an astronomical pace.
And so the Universe became my teacher. And boy is the Universe a strict teacher! lol!
I always laugh and use the metaphor that its like the most hardcore parent Knows exactly when to kick your a$$ and how hard, when to give you the space to learn or the help when you need. Always there and always loving you - there is no doubt.


And you are quite correct - my family were at ends with me, as I was just not a normal child and didn't need them at all and didn't do anything to disguise it - I had my own views on the whole setup. That hurt and infuriated them to mass scale, I was constantly told that I was cold and non-human. I remember a particular incidence where I was just being me that day and that night my mother sat on the edge of my bed crying and despairingly said to me "Who are you?" "You are 'evil'" - and that day I decided to be like the rest of children.
Not one of my wisest choices
That got me into alot of trouble, choosing to be like the rest of 'them' and I always felt something wrong within me, but I had forgotten - who I really was and what it really was meant to be like.
I do not blame my mother at all!! She was not in the space to understand me, she is very black and white and I was all greyscale and with her upbringing she was very bible staunch orientated. Now she is a complete different woman. And I care and love her dearly, never stopped even through the 'rough' times.
When I blasted into awareness again at 21yrs it was full on and I started to remember at an exponential rate. Scary stuff for me at that time.

I am aware of the indigo material - fit it like a glove.
A friend I was dating went to a psychic once and actually told him that your partner is an indigo. Thats what got me researching it.
I was very blessed that I didn't have ADD or ADHD, I was an extremely good student. It was the only thing that I took pride in actually. I guess I have always been a info/knowledge seeker.

That is so kewl you said that cause I have noticed the same thing! That Aquarians have that aspect. I often make that mistake that others must be like me and so I talk as if they know my basis...not one of my better points. Still working on that.

kgirlsmomma, you are so 'right' about that!
Thats something I often toss around in my head...because if this....
I know that ultimately you shouldn't even open your mouth. Most of the things we feel as humans that we have to say actually doesn't have a higher point to it at all, at the topmost upper levels that is.

Knowledge speaks - Wisdom listens - Jimi Hendrix
And I would much rather be wise - truly wise.

The glitch that comes in, is that when I was trying to make sense of my spiritual aspects I was really taken for a ride by other spiritual ppl. They played all sorts of energy games with me and had me in a terrible state (I was so new to my path I was not solid on it). They subjected me to all sorts of influences and I didn't have a clue what to do or how to handle it. I was all alone. I didn't know the stuff I know now, like taking control and you allow ppl to do this to you. Those were foreign thoughts and info to me at that time.
Now when I think back to that time, I still find it very difficult to hold in my anger for these ppl. As SOMEONE should have come up to me and just said some word of encouragement. One person could've been SUCH a light to me at that time. If someone had just said "Its going to be okay" It would've changed my life!

Yet now I know that everything is the way it was meant to be, and thats fine and all but darn man - I could've been lost in that time. My parents were going to put me in a mental institute.

So I struggle to not be able to help others.
I just keep on seeing myself at that time and think I am going to be that person who does say something.

Its been fine up til now - but now I'm getting a message coming through in a sense that I must now let things run there course. And I have been a help to many. So its difficult to know when to back down.
So the journey continues...