Get Anyone to Say What He's Really
Thinking
Ever wish you could peer into someone's mind to find out
what he really thinks about you, your idea, your p roject, or
your date? Now you can with the ultimate mind-reading
technique that act ually uses a combination of several
psychological principles. When you think someone isn't
telling you the truth this sure-fire technique is an excellent
method for revealing a persons true feelings in any situation.
Getting a truthful opinion  from someone can be hard
because you can't outright call him a liar, arguing  that he
doesn't really believe what he is saying. For this technique to
work, you just have to get the person to  commit  to liking  the
idea/person, etc. (If he doesn't like it, th en you don' t have to
worry about trying to get the truth because you're already
getting it.)
Once she says that she likes it, don't argue or press her on
it.  This is exactly where most people mess up. They'll say
something like, "Are you sure you like it? Do you really?" The
other person is not now going to say, "Well, now that I think of
it. . ." She's going to become more absolute  in her approval
and you may not be gett ing to what she really thinks.
With this technique, you'll see that the words you use in
your response indicate that you agree and that there is room
for improvement. She feels comfortable offering criticism
because she feels that you expect  her to do so. The two main
psychological tactics at work here are consistency  (human
beings ha ve a need for continuity with their thinking) and
expectancy  (people of ten do what is expected of them). Both
of these concepts are covered more extensively in other
sections throughout this book.
Example I
You're not sure if your co-worker really likes your idea for a
new marketing campaign, even though she says that she
does.
Q: Do you like the concept for my new idea?
A: Sure. It's very original.
Q: Well, what would it take for you to love the idea?

Example II
You want to know if your son is looking forward to going to camp
this
summer.
Q: Are you excited about camp next month?
A: Yeah. It'll be fun.
Q: What would it take for you to be really excited about
going?
Example III
Q: Do you like my new deck?
A: Sure, it looks fine.
Q: How do you think I can make it even better?
As you can see, all these people feel comfortable answering
honestly because your questions to them make it obvious that
you know that everything's not perfect. By not pressing the
point of their liking  it, their answer naturally unfolds as an
extension of what they've already said, and the truth—what
they're really thinking—merely "pops" out.
Power Point
Are you trying to find out what she thinks, but she doesn't want to
speak ill of someone else or his work? No problem. Instead of saying,
"What didn't you like about it?" or "How did she screw up?" ask in-
stead, "How would you have done it?" or "What would you have done
differently?" This phrasing takes the focus off what the other person
did wrong, and instead asks what this person would have done to make
it better. But as you see you get the identical information.
Strategy Review
Just get her to commit to liking the idea, person, or
object. Then simply ask her how she thinks that it can be
improved upon.

Great info! Thank you. I will be sure to re-phrase my approach from now on to get to people's real feelings about any situation. I love this board, it is full of useful information!

I AGREE THAT WAS GREAT INFO.........I WILL TRY TO REMEMBER THAT......

I'm using it on my friends, and you can really tell who are your friends and who aren't. Where they have said "You did a great job, I like it", I now reply "what would make it better?". Then you heard the negatives.

It makes me feel so great to be liberated by that! I know it makes me sound like a lover of hate, but it makes me learn and grow.

What about autonomy, sovereignty, privacy? If someone doesn't want to tell you something perhaps you should just let it be.