There were a couple of questions I neglected to answer in my initial reply.

What works for me?  

I am not entirely certain what works for me.  When I travel I am really happy.  However due to the fact that I have ten percent sight travel on my own is a little dicey...I have done it though...and I know I need to do more....

Why I feel there is a missing avenue in my life.... This one oo is a difficult one to answer.  I seem to be  searching for something that will make me whole.At one point I thought this was a person...that someone else could make me whole....but this is not the case....a person should compliment you  but the wholeness comes from within.  

I just feel there is more to life than what I do.  This might sound pretentious but there is a feeling that I am meant for greater things.  But as the years go by I feel I have not achieved much apart from simply being.

Several people I know have gone back to school.  I think study would make a difference to me but I am not sure what to study.  My sight and hearing make it difficult to keep up a study routine on par with other students...I have already done most of a degree in information technology....I have studied massage therapy...I have become a reiki practitioner....now where...what is the next challenge....what is my meaning in life?

If I were an artist I would peint the rainbows and the oceans and the dreams of others....However I am not an artist....I feel strangely trapped within myself and wish to break free...yet there seems no way out....or at least the journey has not shown me through the dooras yet...

Thank you for listening or reading.  I have wanted to say these things for a long time yet have had noone to really let out my soul to....everyone has their own problems and most people are wound up in themselves....

I am not negative .... this is all said with a positive flow and an idea that what I am searching for is still out there somewhere yet to be nourished into existance....

thanks again

Brian

Brian,

During much of my early years of studies I thought that there were few if any that understood. With these pesky machines, whom I still do not care much for, we are able to connect to eachother. Finding like minds at the touch of a button. When before we had to search far and wide.

Your words describing the disasociation is very poetic. Seems you are further along spiritualy than you give yourself credit.

I ran this past my fiance who suggested that you offer your services to the hospitals, or nursing homes.  He said that many are finding out that massage therapy along with the physical therapy is doing more than just traditional physical therapy.

During my  trip to the loonie bin. I was given the wrong meds...again...this time my heart went crazy and they had to quickly give me something to counter the med. This was very frightening. I went to my room, and a nurse proceeded to give me a hand massage. Hitting important pressure points, I found myself calming down.  Later that night both nurses pulled all the patients on the floor into group. They practiced aroma therapy along with giving the patients hand massage to help us to relax. Very relaxing and theraputic.  The nurses were awesome, although the Psych was a...quack.  Just another venue you might consider.

I am not sure about where you live. But here in the US at the Community Colleges they offer non-credited courses.  Ever think of teaching one of those self help classes?  I see them alot. From cooking with beer to yoga.  Perhaps showing others how to do massages on themselves to help relieve  stress?  If you wish you might ask a friend to help.  I still ask my Best Friend  sometimes to be my support. She's my pep talker. Since I still lack courage to speak to groups. I haven't choosen this route.  But it might be something that you might like.

I love these words you wrote...

"Maybe you are right ...we write our own destiny as we go along....some people it would seem have their destiny mapped out for them while others flounder to write it day by day second by second...heart beat   by heart beat...."

As to thinking too much, I do the same. No worries.

Safe Journey

Brian,

Hopefully you will be able to travel more.  This too brings me great joy, even if it is just walking around the neighborhood.

Hmmm...I've come to the same conclussion. No one person makes me whole. I have found that when I place all that into one person it usually backfired. Such expectations are unrealistic. What I realized that love, acceptance, and forgiveness of self was something I struggled with. This they can not take away when they leave me. Only I give to myself. Hard to explain it.

Not alone with those feelings that there is more to life than what we do.  And yes you are ment for great things. We all are.  And the strangest thing might be that little thing we do that is big.  Who knows if that stranger you smiled to was having a very bad day and needed some kindness even if they were being grumpy bears who wanted to take your head off.  Or that stranger that is paying for their groceries and does not have enough change, sparing a few  cents might mean that they eat for that day.  

You refer to it as being, I call it simply existing.  I too stuggle with the meaning of my life.  This I found is something we have to discover out from what our enviroment tried to program in us.  Somewhere deep within our core lies the answers we seek outwardly for.

Do you think that attending on-line classes might help?  I did this for a semester of studies. Only thing, did not care much for not being able to get ahold of the professors if I had questions before certain lessons were due.

What seems as a negative is sometimes something possitive.  We just cannot see it at times because of the barriers we place up.  What if you had majored in something you later found out didn't bring you joy but were stuck because you had student loans to pay off?

I don't mind you sharing. This I truly enjoy reading.  Glad you were able to open up and hopefuly smile.

As to the still out there somewhere yet to be nourished into existance...perhaps what is existing is in need of nourishment.

Safe Journey

Mr. Brain

          Life is created by  god to do good things.  Hence, always do help to others, help  to poor.  Think god while serving to people since the service you are doing to people is the service of  god.

                                                                                          Best wishes

Sometimes it is easy to forget there is a reason for everything.  I sometimes beat myself up about being so alone and unable to communicate with others in a trypical social setting.  

It is easy to feel that there is no destiny or purpose.  Yet I believe everything happens for a reason.  Even if it is to share the experiences with others and be able to say I know...I have been there....I have done that.....and this is what I think and feel.

It is important though to keep struggling....to keep that flicker hope alive.  It is important to keep challenging who we are in order to facilitate growth.  I just had my brothers visit and one of our conversations was about laziness and the need to challenge the procrastination on a daily basis.  Sitting straight is a positive body language that goes far beyond the self and journeys into the community.

I know my hearing is getting worse....I find I can not understand what people say...more and more....I sometimes feel very frightened....this is life though and no matter how much I would like to give up and throw in the towel...there is something I must give to the world....to someone....  I need to live this life....I need to pick the fruits and hope someone will join me and grow together to meet the sky.

Over time I have had the good fortune to connect with people from all over the world.  Some understand me....some disappear....It is an amazing thing to be able to connect through the computer...pesky devices...

I will look into some further study...it is important to keep the mind agile and flowing to the sea as I know that sometimes it goes stale....My ex found she was thrown into a study she really did not enjoy when she was younger.  Her parents pushed her into business marketing.  Only now she realizes she was pushed the wrong way.  It is soul destroying...she has started a early child hood degree but will likely never finish it...so yes I understand what you mean....however we need to take each aspect of our lives as a building block ... we can learn from the positives...and also learn from the negatives.

Even though my study of information systems and psychology did not create the opportunities I thought it would...there are many positives...it opened up the world of the internet....and for me that was very important and it flattened many of the doundaries....and allowed me to communicate in a way I had never thought possible...  so ever cloud has its silver lining....

Kind rrega5rds
Brian