“There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.” - Josh Groban

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people - anonymous

The road to success is always under construction - anonymous

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come - anonymous

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - anonymous

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - anonymous

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. - anonymous

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? - anonymous

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. - anonymous

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.  - A. Whitney Brown

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. - anonymous

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. - anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - anonymous

In God we trust; all others must pay cash. - anonymous

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. - anonymous

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted! - anonymous

"Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest." - Joe Lewis

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'? - anonymous

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." - Woody Allen

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Sir Isaac Newton

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? - anonymous

"We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect." - Alanis Morisette

"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." - Erich Segal

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. - anonymous

He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. - Paddy O'Dea

"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too!" - Rodney Dangerfield

You know the speed of light;so what is the speed of dark ? - anonymous

A penny saved is ridiculous. - anonymous

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. - anonymous