CHARTING YOUR COURSE TO SUCCESS, Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 5109 · Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:17 am

1. Charting Your Course to Success
How to Talk to Anybody, Anytime by Chris Widener

You know the situation: There you are at a business or social function and you end up with someone who you have never met before. Some people get amazingly uncomfortable with this situation because they simply don’t know how to start or carry on a conversation. Yet successful people are always going to find themselves in these kinds of situations because they are always stretching themselves and putting themselves into situations to help them and their businesses grow, and that means meeting new people. So if you are going to be successful, one thing you have to get down is how to talk to anybody, anytime. Good news: It is easier than you think!

First, a couple of things not to do. One, don’t get flustered and excuse yourself. That is the easy way out, and you never know if you didn’t just leave who would have become your best friend or closest business associate. Stick around! Second, don’t start talking about yourself. Sure, introduce yourself, but don’t launch into a half-hour monologue about your accomplishments. The other person will either roll their eyes back into their head or simply give you a new nickname: Joe “let me tell you a story about myself” Schmoe. This leads me to the key.

Talk about the person you have just met. Don’t talk about yourself—talk about them! And the key is to ask questions. Now, there are obviously some people you just will not be able to talk to because they are absolute bores or they are angry or upset or something, but I have found that that is only about 1 percent of the people, if even that. For the most part, if you persist in asking questions, you will be able to talk to anybody, anytime.

There are three segments to this process:

* Ask questions.
* Find connections.
* Go in those directions.

What you are trying to do is to find common ground. What makes people afraid to talk to others is that they are afraid they won’t have anything in common. I have found that usually, if you ask questions for a minute or two, you can always find a connection with someone, and then you’re set. The worst that could happen is that you ask the person questions for a few minutes and find nothing. But what will that person tell others? That you seem to have a genuine interest in others. That is a great reputation to have!

That is another key here. You can’t be a selfish, arrogant person and be successful. I am talking true well-rounded success, not just collecting a pot full of money.

The best way to describe this process is to write out a mock conversation. You will notice the kinds of questions I would ask, when I find a connection, and how I would go in that direction.

“Hi, I’m Chris Widener. What is your name?”

“Joe Schmoe.”

“Well, Joe, what do you do for a living?”

“I sell insurance.” (Possible connection here. Most people have insurance.)

“Oh, yeah? What kind of insurance?”

“I insure oil rigs in the Adriatic Sea.” (Whoops. Lost connection.)

“Wow. That must be fascinating. Married or kids, Joe?” (I have a wife and kids. Maybe we can show pictures.)

“No, actually, I’m single.” (It isn’t looking good yet.)

“So, who do you know here at the party?”

“Well, nobody. I am the brother of the host’s accountant. I’m in town for a week and my brother had to make an appearance.” (It is going in the wrong direction here.)

“So where are you from?”

“Nebraska.” (Bingo, there it is. The connection! Now let’s go in that direction.)

“Really? My dad was from Nebraska. Even though he died when I was 4, my grandmother used to take me back to visit my relatives every summer growing up. It sure was a lot of fun. Were you city folk, or did you live on a farm?”

“I grew up on a pig farm.”

“That’s what my relatives did! As a kid I always wanted to ride one of those sows. Luckily my uncles never let me attempt it.”

There you are. Now just start asking questions about what they did growing up, how they liked it, etc.

If you get adept enough at asking questions of others, you will inevitably find a connection to talk about. And having something in common with someone is the start to a long and mutually beneficial relationship—one of the foundations of success!

I am in a career where I meet new people all the time and this is exactly what I do. I am no better a conversationalist than most of you. It is just a proven way of getting a relationship off the ground with someone you have just met.

Here it is again: Ask questions, find connections, go in those directions.

2. Made for Success Quote and Commentary

"Telling others is the key to changing your wishes into dreams." —Chris Widener

Chris’s Commentary:
You know that “dream” you have? The one nobody else knows about? That isn’t a dream. It is a wish! We all have things we secretly wish would happen. But those aren’t dreams. In order to change that wish into a dream, you have to tell somebody about it! That gets it out into the realm of something you are actually pursuing, rather than something you are just hoping or wishing for. “But what do I do, just walk up to somebody and say, ‘Hey, want to hear my dream?’” Well, sure, that works. But you could also start the conversation by saying, “I have a question for you: What is your dream?” Two things will happen. One, you will foster their wish into a dream and secondly, when they finish, they will say, “So, what’s yours?” BINGO!

Action Point:
Have at least two conversations today about your dream. Then do the same tomorrow and the next day—with different people!

3. The Last Word...

(In keeping with this issue’s unofficial “making conversation” theme, I thought you’d enjoy this article by executive speech coach Patricia Fripp. —CW)
All Speaking Is Public Speaking by Patricia Fripp

A member of a consulting firm said his firm thought intellectual capital and the ability to articulate a message clearly were key. His problem: he often found himself struggling when approached in the hall by the head of another department or a senior executive. For him, it is much easier to speak in front of a large group than to master the skill of the water cooler vignette. He felt that larger venues allow time for preparation.

He told me, “The impromptu meetings really catch you off guard.” As he is spearheading a new department at his firm, he has opportunities to make a lasting impression of his business acumen with peers and superiors at the water fountain. He usually walks away wondering if he has left them thinking more about his rambling communication skills than his brilliant ideas. He asked me, “How should I handle these moments appropriately?”

This is what I told him...

Outside your home, ALL speaking is public speaking. There is no such thing as private speaking. You’re right that many people are less intimidated when they prepare for a speech than when they must communicate off the cuff in more informal settings. But conversations on the elevator or at the water cooler can do as much to boost your career as giving a formal presentation. How do you master impromptu meetings and on-the-spot interaction?

1. Have something to say that is of interest and topical. Keep up with the news, and peruse your corporate report or newsletter regularly. Have two or three relevant things to say at all times. You can even “rehearse” with a trusted friend for those chance encounters with CEOs.

2. Focus on others. The silver bullet in business and politics is the Like Factor, but it’s easy to concentrate so hard on what others are thinking of you, you forget that even VIPs care what others think of them. Know what is going on in your company so you can congratulate people on their achievements or refer to a previous conversation: “How was that trip you took last week?” Your sincere interest in people will make a lasting impression.

3. Ask questions to start a conversation. A bright but introverted friend of mine has a gregarious wife who often drags him to parties where he doesn’t know anyone. He used to sit in a corner with a drink in his hand, inspecting the carpet. Then I showed him the question-asking technique. At the next gathering, he asked the hostess about her work.

“I’m an emergency room nurse,” she said. “What is your average day like?” he responded. They talked for an hour. As the couple prepared to leave, the hostess told my friend’s astonished wife, “Your husband is the most scintillating conversationalist I’ve ever met.”

Moral: When you make people feel important, letting them talk about themselves and sharing what they know, you earn a reputation as a brilliant conversationalist, even if you’ve hardly said a word.

4. Praise others. For example, be sure to boast about your entire team rather than your own efforts. Say how proud you are of them and offer highlights of their accomplishments. It makes you much more likable, and the unavoidable implication is that you are a good leader.

5. Overcome shyness. When you find yourself in an elevator with a VIP, forget the power plays and do what would make your mother proud. Be cordial, smile, breathe deeply, and take the initiative. Say, “Good morning Mr./Ms. Big Shot. I don’t know if you remember me. I am Patricia Fripp, and I work in the communications department.” Then congratulate them on a recent success—a speech, published article, award, or contract.

Or mention very briefly an achievement in your department: “Did you hear how we saved the company a quarter of a million dollars?” You’ve got seconds to connect, so don’t try to pin Big Shot down. Perhaps Big Shot will stop to continue the chat when you reach your floor, but more likely you’ve planted the seeds for future conversation.