I got a reading and they told me I won't find love until I find myself...But, I don't  know how to find myself
If you can explain this I would appreciate it.

-thanks C92

Finding yourself means finding and reclaiming your true Self, in contrast to the everyday self which you present to the world. Finding yourself is a gradual process which can extend over many lifetimes, but it is necessary to break down your long term goals into shorter, much more manageable and above all measurable ones, in order to keep us motivated enough to keep going, when our whole being is telling us that we have had enough.

Now with regards to what specific methods you should use to find your true inner Self, which contains all of your hopes, dreams, ambitions and most deeply felt desires that you once had when you were younger but felt forced to give up on to be able to function effectively in an adult world, the preferred method is almost as varied and unique as we ourselves are. In other words, while we can get some general pointers and hints from others who are more experienced in doing this than we are, in the end we must find a method or methods which fits in well with our personality and temperament.

Some people find sitting on their bottoms in the classic lotus position for hours at a time beneficial to them in beginning their search, while others would quickly find themselves bored to death if they had to do this for even 15 minutes at a time. While it is often true that extroverts (people who tend to be more outgoing, courageous and adventurous and will try anything new at least once) could do with sitting down and relaxing for a while to recharge their spiritual batteries each day between all of the frantic rate of activity which they call their lives, forcing a person to be someone who they clearly are not is a recipe for disaster and failure. These people may discover more about their true Self by long distance running, dancing, making love or going mountain climbing or bungee jumping, than they ever would after years of sitting in partial darkness in a semi rigid upright meditation position, contemplating their own navel.

This is probably going to sound as though it is a lame excuse for a decent answer to your question, but there are no right or wrong ways for you to do this. You are not expected to automatically know what the best method will turn out to be for you, as there are always people who are more than willing and prepared to help you avoid and circumvent the more common obstacles which you will inevitably encounter at some stage on your path, BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE WILLING TO ASK FOR THEIR HELP AND SUPPORT, AND YOU ARE BOTH ABLE AND WILLING TO GIVE THE PRINCIPLES WHICH THEY ARE TEACHING YOU A GOOD CHANCE TO WORK IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE.

Spiritual development or finding our true selves must not be artificially separated into small watertight compartments, which appear to have no association with any other compartment or area of our life. It may or may not include meditation, but our spiritual development is all about everything which happens to us. This means that if you are still alive you cannot help but develop spiritually. It is true that not everyone develops at the same rate or in the same direction in any given lifetime, but your whole life is designed to answer the question which you are asking us here.

Generally we learn far more of lasting value to us from our first hand life experiences, than we would ever learn second or third hand through being told these things or reading them in a book. So your life is essentially a carefully designed series of experiences which have been tailor made for what particular lessons you have come here to learn. One of those potentially life changing experiences was coming to this site and interacting with its members, as I feel that you joining when you did was anything but a random event or a chance coincidence. While not everything in your life was, is or will be predestined or guaranteed to happen in the future, I believe that certain experiences or learning opportunities are going to happen whether or not we like it, or whether or not we could see it coming.

Do not pressure yourself into trying every passing fad to find yourself or attempting to be other than the wonderful and kind person you already are, common human weaknesses and all. Keep an open mind and be willing to try any method which feels safe to you which resonates/agrees with your spiritual beliefs and personality, but do not focus exclusively on finding your true Self to the total exclusion of everything or anyone who was, is or will ever be important to you.

Have enough faith that when the time comes for you to learn a specific lesson or for you to find another major part of your true Self (always written with a capital S, to contrast it against our everyday lower case s self), that the right opportunity will present itself to you in some form. The secret is often to be able to recognize this valuable opportunity when it eventually comes into your life, as the number of different forms in which it could potentially appear may be as many as their are stars in the night time sky.

If you are however looking for a popular starting point for finding yourself, I would heartily recommend to you that meditating for a maximum of 15 - 20 minutes per day at around the same time if practical, using the following deceivingly simple but in reality soul searching question, could turn out to be your best bet.

WHO AM I?

The WHO is your true Self. You may be pleasant surprised by what life changing answers you will get to that question. The answers which you are looking for will in all likelihood not arrive during your meditations, although with some individuals they do. However, most tend to come to us in our dreams, when our always questioning logical, everyday consciousness or internal censor is temporarily out of action. The meditations themselves usually only act as a catalyst to or to light the fuse of your spiritual development.

Once that fuse has been lit and the chain reaction has started, there will be no going back. You cannot ever go back to how you were before it was lit. That is why I said above that spiritual development aka LIFE is not for the faint hearted or weak stomached amongst us.

Life was never meant to be easy or plain sailing all of the time (spiritual development can be at times be hard work and a veil of tears), but by slowly but surely rediscovering our true Self with a capital S and resurrecting our hopes and dreams and ambitions which were sacrificed or put on indefinite hold because we felt they were not acceptable to other people and we badly wanted their approval, it will get significantly easier if we do not mercilessly pressure or punish ourselves in the meantime for encountering resistance along the way.

The resistance which we come up against on our journey is not by accident or coincidence or a cruel form of punishment for some now unforgotten failure or weakness on our part in the past, but rather it is by design and is intended to only make us grow stronger within ourselves as a result of us overcoming or getting around it.



Namaste,

EoT

I like to get in touch with myself through meditation.  I have found that Enya or Yani music is very helpful getting me to a neutral state of meditation.  Once I've cleared my mind of outside influences and I'm basically numb to thought itself, then I start to analyze things in my life.  I seperate my wants from my needs (and yes, I write things out in a journal-this is where your writing and poetry will benefit you).  It's really important though, that first you know what meditation means, as trances are different for everyone.  For me, when I listen to said music, I know I am in said trance when I can visualize myself riding a horse through an open field of golden wheat to the rhythm of the music, like the music is guiding the story.  I can almost feel the breeze on my face, and can feel my hair blowing in the wind.  It's almost like an out of body experience for me is the best way I can describe it, but that is from MY meditation technique.  Another thing to remember is that our inner needs NEVER change, we will always NEED the same things, it's how we choose to meet these needs that define YOURSELF.  When someone tells you to "find yourself", it simply means that things happen when you are not looking for them to happen, because you are more intuned with yourself then trying to control your environment.  Again, you are not forcing things to happen, you are not willing things to happen, you are merely allowing things to happen naturally.  There is a saying:  the best things happen when you least expect it.  Nobody wants to be lonely, but then again, nobody wants to settle for just "somebody".

We as women have a preconditioned clause on life I think.  We have in our minds what we WANT in a partner, but it's not always what we WANT, it's what we NEED.  If you go through life looking for what you WANT, you miss out on all the little personal things you NEED, and before you know it, all the good things in life passed you by.  If you want to be successful, rich, and famous then you have to figure out how that meets and intertwines with your needs.  How is that want necessary to meet your need.  It's already proven that money does not create happiness it creates materialism.  If you want to be successful, how you go about it and the paths you choose should be determined by what steps you will take to satisfy a need.  

The basic needs of life:  Food (what career would interest you to provide food on the table, and is it attainable), Love (what would it take to make you feel loved and why and is it realistic), Happiness (what activities bring a joy, relieves stress, and makes your soul smile or gives you a feelign of accomplishment).  Then you have consequences.  In your journal, write down when something occurred that you do not agree with, list why it did not agree with you, examine how it would have an effect on your basic needs, and decide if you are going to take exception to said incident based upon the effects to your needs.

You will find that a persons best friend is not found in any other person than ourselves.  We can take what others say in stride, but we cannot let them make desicions for us.  It is your life and only you can pick and choose what you need and want.  The best way to do that is to keep a journal....keep several journals.  You dont' have to write in them on a daily basis, just when something stood out that either accentuated your need or something that was detrimental.

Again, this is merely my guide and procedure, it may work for you and it may not.

Thank you both..you definitely helped me understand what she meant by find yourself...But, I'll definitely try meditation for me it's just something that's hard to keep up with.
I guess I can start finding myself by writing my goals also...You two both gave me a lot to think about and try...
-with love C92