Every single day, whether when I'm at work, or in any situation where I'm depended upon for my judgement, panic and a twisted self-cynical self-imposed empathy grips me to where I am sweating and my heart almost bursts. This is not an exaggeration. How in the whole universe am I to take mastery over this? I'd do psychic shielding if I was able to use my third eye to visualize things (which I'm getting better at) and I've also analyzed myself in these situations and have done my best to quell my rumbling paranoia at its source, but I don't know if my chakra dis-balances take over or what, but I have absolutely no superman to stop the train, if you will. I know through the higher self all things are possible, but I'm having trouble distinguishing between real emotions, emotions of myself, and self-imposed empathic assumptions of other people's views of me. Clearly I feel like a straight jacket is in order, but I know my gifts, if harnessed, could greatly change this world, even in the little radius of influence I have. Not to be conceited. I feel like it gets worse with every mistake because then that memory of failure adds another car to the train. Someone hit the nail on the head here when they said I cry over the darndest things. They couldn't be more correct. Every pain I've ever had comes back when some other mistake I've made in the present moment with overwhelming magnitude. How might I even begin to bring about respect for my spineless ego?

Hi Hun,
I feel for you, empathy can often feel more like a horrible infliction than a blessing.
However I believe your empathy may be one thing while also possibly suffering a panic disorder type of thing.
I strongly recommend that you discuss this with you GP if only to rule out possibilities.
You will also be asked about a family history of panic attacks, depression and bipolar.

I am also reading that you are horrible to yourself, never ever be any harder on yourself than you would a friend. You need to be your own best friend and take the advice you would give here should she be confining in you these same feelings.

call your angels in , we are human not celestial beings.
You could use some grounding,  some relaxation techniques and a positive daily affirmation.

BUT do speak to a doctor to address the possibility of panic attacks and such. Why suffer needlessly.

The only reason why I don't do that, is because I've researched what most medications really do to you, and experienced the zombifying effects from zoloft. I feel that medication would only make me worse, and cause more imbalance. Most of mainstream psychology is only theoretical in nature, (that is, in the Corporate world) and is highly risky to tamper with...

Are you serious!!
You will play hit or miss with various new age techniques, ancient arts, natural sciences, etc etc .
You will place your trust in (often self professed ) healers.. You will consider ritual and or therapies self researched ( believe me as a freelance writer I have written many articles a web master puts on his page claiming to be the knowledge of a life time training, often these articles are not checked for accuracy.. Ive even written to a web master with information on the inaccuracy an article I provided, that remains up as fact ) on the internet  
BUT you refuse to consult with a trained licienced professional because you think its theatrical.. STOP.. try another one, that excuse is poor as.
I dont think you have any understand what main stream psychology is.  It is not all class room clap trap.
In fact I have professional (registered psychologists ) friends who are also certified reiki masters, angel healing therapists, students of tao Buddhism philosophy  and so forth, yet without even a thought you consider professional main stream services useless.

 Your not a client of mine, but if you were I would refuse to continue working with you on ethical grounds until you have consulted with a doctor. If you find someone that does, I have no hesitation in openly warning you that you are potentially at risk.

You are presuming that you would be treated with medications, without even a professional diagnosis.

*Shakes head in bewilderment *

Sorry if I sound harsh, believe me, my rant comes from a loving place who understands you , and feels you, but is also frustrated.

Take care, I wish you the very best in finding a solution to this.

I didn't mean all psychologists, I thought you were only referring to someone with a psychology degree. Words are fickle. It's just that I don't believe in medication, because I've had terrible experiences with it, and I don't wish to further experiment, at least with things like lithium, and "mood balancers". I am enthusiastic about holistic healing, in every form. I honestly just don't have the funding right now, as I'm barely scraping to pay rent. So, because of that, I can't throw money around, nor do I wish to. And as a child, I tried many various psychologists, mainstream, by that I mean psychologists with only a basic degree, no other credentials. I'm not saying they aren't capable, but from what I can tell from studying various phobic disorders, I've come to the conclusion that something very traumatic from my childhood has seeped its way into my coping mechanism, and has, over time, caused a development of phobic neurosis. I fear that if here in America, I go to a "shrink", they will just throw pills, a straightjacket, or both at me, if I were to be completely honest. Hypnotherapy, reiki, and holistic medicine are a completely different story, but again, I'm not financially fit to afford it at the moment. I meant no offense whatsoever to anyone under any particular degree or education. I just feel that with this type of development, I need someone more than a P.H.D. therapist to talk with. And again, I mean no offense by that. From my experience, they misdiagnosed me at least 3 times before I just tried to deal with it myself (over literally a 10 year period), now I understand how hard it is to correctly diagnose someone, but I just feel that I can't take that chance. And again, I would get professional help from someone licensed in some form of holistic medicine, not an internet ad mind you, but I am truly starved for funds, and will be for quite a while. Sorry I came off as an ignorant prick, I wasn't trying to be. I had had a really bad panic attack and posted without thinking it through as I should have. My apologies. Have a nice day.