Hey
Absolutely no need to apologize.  Not even a little but. Your feelings on the matter are based on your own experiences. It is your right to have them and your right to express them.
I was telling that you that you need to consult with someone with a degree..
remember now that Doreen Virtue herself is a doctor of psychology, and has been a director and administrator of psychiatric hospitals.

I know my reply came over as harsh, I just come across as a big meany, I really am soft inside. I do say what I say with love in my heart.

When your ready to find a licienced registered professional you have to shop around a but for one, just as you would when looking for an alternative healer. Many are clinical and closed to possibilities that were not in the text book. If you would like to look up a friend of mine Kathleen E Finnegan, you will find someone registered and licensed to counsel, who is big supporter of spiritual healing methods, there are many many like her.
Do some homework by looking up people near to you, a face to face visit is best, and find out more about them.

Thank goodness mental health is coming out of the dark ages.

I can relate to being misdiagnosed and inadequate care from professionals..
I actually had one that I contacted make me feel worse because he belittled me having had contacted professional help because it appears I am better off than him.. ( i happen to live in a beautiful area near a lake and a beach and have a kayak and things, Im not rich, but not exactly completely poor either ) Just as well it was a phone consultation because the man was an idiot I dont care what his piece of paper says.

And would you believe it twice how I have had two different hospitals misdiagnose broken bones. The first time they told me  my leg wasn't broken.. Ive since recovered from a major tibial plateau FX that required surgery with bone grafts and hardware. the second my daughter was sent to a surgeon because the hospital told us, ( and wrote ) that she has a comminuted ( shattered ) fracture on part of the shoulder blade..the operating surgeon looked at the same xrays in a consultation a few days latter in the pre op consult that there is  no fracture at all ( let alone a shatter ) and charged us a small fortune for the first doctors inability to know the difference between a piece of bone and the adjustment piece on a bra strap.


To me right now I would have to say that the financial problem is the biggest problem blocking your way. Im not sure how medical insurance and the likes works there, but its worth looking into. You might find that a referral from a GP can open the door to financial aid. In any case its worth looking into.

You do have a superman to stop the train. call your angels in, learn to distinguish between angelic encouragement and that other noise we create, then choose to hear only your angel..

Your not at all spineless, In fact I hear a very strong character coming though your post. You have kept yourself well though a whole lot, thats an accomplishment, you should be very proud of yourself.
 Your angels are with you, when the panic comes know that your not alone or isolated.   Let your angels guide you in your mediations, especially at these moments.

You just take care of yourself, your a special person, and you are loved completely and unconditionally.

I have an update. I have also been doing research on empathy, and synesthesia. It appears that I have a very complex form of emotional synesthesia, where I can almost for lack of better words "mentally-time-travel". Not astral travel, but it's almost as if my emotional body has a rewind button, of course causing chaos in my life. Now that I know the problem, I can begin looking into how to heal myself. Thank you again for your support.