Well a year and few months ago, I split up with my boyfriend. He was bad to me, never held hands in public,  never said he loved me, looked at other girls whilst i was there, went drinking all the time, if i went he left me and went off, stayed out nights, kept text messages secret, emails just as bad. then he told me he'd kissed someone else on two occasions. apparently it went no further. i was stupid and took him back, then HE ended with me one day. hes such a sleeze and i was so stupid. i never forgive myself for that.

Skip on a year and a bit, and im totally happy with myself. then this guy comes along, its 'weird' how we met and seems as though hes found me. hes not my general type and at first i was unsure, see this thread

now i think a lot of him and i am happy with him. but its weird, i cant trust him. but i can, its weird. if he goes out its fine i am not worried in the slightest, he is a genuine lovely man who loves me to pieces. its just small things like him telling me he doesnt smoke and then i find a lighter in his pocket-after it had been through the wash! i asked him(immediately thought he was lying) but it was his friends, which it was. (and no i dont look through his phone/anything. i dont have that problem, its not that at all as i know he wouldnt, i know if anything happened he'd loose me and it would be his loss.) but hes so good to me and he wouldnt, he puts up with me and has never given up from the start. i totally trust him around other people  i know he thinks the world of me, im just expecting him to turn round and leave me one day or ....i dont know. he wont, hes said he never will as he loves me so much. which is great, i just dont believe it yet and what happened in the past is hindering all of this and causing issues. like im scared to show him too much love as im scared.

how can i get over this? it seems the perfect man has come along, yet i cant see it......

First a {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} as this is the hug forum lol.

I love your name, it evokes a picture of a beach and someone running along it with the wind blowing in their hair. Is that what you yearn for? Your post is so sad but also filled with excitement. Sounds to me like you need to do some work on your past memories and experience and cut the ties that bind them to you. I am a great believer of positive thoughts and that thoughts are energy, just like the law of attraction. So make sure every thought is clean and positive and not tarnished by dwelling on negative experiences of the past.
We all need our heart to be protected, we all need to feel that we won't get hurt and that we can trust in another, but there are never any guarantees. Holding onto pain can actually block us from experiencing what we truly deserve. Sounds like you are well rid of that old flame. Let the flame burn out so that there is no light left in the memory. Then write the name on to a scrap of paper and burn it watching the flames burn high then dwindle until they disappear then smile and move on

Honey you are sabatoging yourself! Do not let your fears take hold of you. Allow yourself to love with a free, open heart and do it for yourself, not for him. If it does not work out then it is truly his loss. Don't allow regret or remorse to influence your decisions. Why jeopardize something that could be amazing ? Do not let your ex's influence reach into your present relationship. Take good care of yourself and many blessings.

Amen, well said. I do agree that past pains and people shouldn't "make" us change our ways but rather learn from the influence of the event as a way building character. I firmly believe in the "whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

"Holding onto pain can actually block us from experiencing what we truly deserve... "
    Cascade of Light said that in this Forum...  Amazing!  It's ringing in my whole being... Like I should have known this my whole life...  Not following this has been holding me back... I can totally see that!  

And to the author of this fourm...  Running Free...  I have no wisdom as do these others who have answered you...  Life and love seems to be more confusing then anything to me...  But I do KNOW I've found my souls twin.  My soulmate...  I know I've been running towards her my whole life...  I've been being shaped by life to be able to love her the way that will speak dirrectly to her soul...  I hope everyone can love the way that I love her.  I can't even put it into words...  But I wish it for you...