Hi everyone. I really need a huge hug because I am just depressed all the time. Now and again I will feel okay and feel happy, but it never lasts more than a day or two. Then I'm right back to feeling depressed. And I am often suicidal... almost every day I pray to die.... :( I'm so sick of feeling this way. But I feel like there's something wrong with me that can't be fixed. I feel like people have hurt me so much that it's damaged me somehow. The person I'm with makes me feel so uncared for... like I mean nothing sometimes. My friends, well they are never around. I feel like I'm dealing with all of this alone... like I'm just spending every day waiting to die because I don't have the nerve to make it happen myself... anything would be appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Wow, that's a pretty large burden you've been carrying around, my dear.  I can relate to some of what you've said, having been through my own dark times in the past.  I know how exhausting that can be and how it feels to walk into a room full of people only to realize none of them know what you are going through inside.  It's a distance few can cross to reach you and, when you're so tired, giving up seems the kindest option.  I know it.
*brings you inside out of the rain and begins drying your hair*
Somehow I made it to today.  And, thinking back over it, if I had to try and give you the key to begin your way back, all I could tell you is that I found it somewhere in between a shift of focus  on gratitude (yes, gratitude while you are day dreaming of dying) and allowing the people who love me to see me at my worst.  Ugly though it was for them to see.  And it humbled me.  It helped me to acknowledge suffering where I saw it outside of myself with a new depth of empathy. Sometimes pain is a common denominator and it helped me to see that we all need to be nurtured by love.  At the beginning, before anything else, we are all worthy to receive it- even me.  Sitting here, now, I'm still surprised at how much of that love I was able to find already there waiting inside of me.
That joy is something I wish for you to have.  
I'm sending you some of mine to make you stronger.  
Love to you
Peta

You are never alone.  Your spirit guides are always with you, but they don't help unless you are open, receptive and ready to receive .  You also need to believe you are worthy of abundance.  

We live in a world or learning classroom of opposites.  You have to experience dark to know light.  You ahve it within you.  You just have to dig deep and believe you are worthy.  Starting with the person you are with.  He is teaching you thru 'opposites' by feeling uncared for that you are worth of being cared for, or that is part of the lesson to be learned.    We are responsible for everything in our lives.  We create it.  We are not victims.  We create to learn.  Dig deep and follow your emotions back to the trail to the lesson to be learned.  

I believe you will find a deep pool of strength and courage if you allow your self to move forward and give up the 'I'm trapped and a victim' mentality.  Start by taking a break and leaving your current situation.  Perhaps to go back and live with other friends or parents, and seek some professional help in the meantime.  Suicide is a temporary solution.  When you cross the veil, you'll return to learn the lessons you need to learn; and perhaps you'll create a much harsher environment in which to learn them.

Find the unconditional love for yourself that is within.  Blessing to move forward in joy.

sweetie here is a huge hug....much love and huggies

HI Marquitta,

In this world we are by ourselves.No one knows really what is going on inside even though many have gone through same. It is by chance that we have frends by our side otherwise it's a world of 'Survival for the fittest'.Many will let you down,try to break you but you have to stand up again and again and make the right decision of ur life.I have been broken so many times but I have risen stronger.Don't let it bring you down. Dying will not ease it. You have this life to make something useful out of it.Don't waste it on people who doesn't care.Your frends are never there,then go out and seek for them.Maybe you unconsciously made them go.Bring the sunshine into ur life once again.

see ya and I pray you come back with full force and light.

dhav;-)