I want to be honest and i need help....help against my own self.....i ,ve so much negativety that most of the time i feel drained and really tired......i don,t plan things and i don,t think i do this because i,m brave or i know every thjings....infact its because i,m scared of the outcomes.....it does not matter what i plan...its just the negative side of things which get my attention when i,m planing something.....its really tireing since those negative feelings has put brakes on my progress in life.....i don,t dream or think of good outcomes because i,m scare of not getting them......i try positive affirmations and try visualization and this teach me a horrific truth about myself......before affirmation i didnt know i,ve so much negativety in me and its like 24/7 i feed my self with worst things about life.....i,m just stuck on the negative side......i wanna come out but sometimes i really feel tired.....its like i,ve to fix all thoughts because most of them are negative and i feel really sad that i,ve brought my thinking to a level where i have no dreams ...no hopes.......all because i,m scared of loosing....i feel down to most of the peoples and i guess this show my self esteem level is on areal low side...like i get irriated really easy and some times others don,t even need to do any thing but being normal....like sometime i get into argument with peoples because they are playing with their hairs or they are scrating a part of their body.....and i just have to say something nasty.....i try to stop myself but its like i have to say it or otherwise my head will just explode....its terrible feelings my heart at those times are like its just in the grip of someone and if i dont say the negative thing then the gripping thing will just smash it .......how do i control those negative feelings.....what should i do to have more self esteem.....and postivity .....how can i stop my self from arguing and just do conversation ....how to fix the negative programing of my brains.....any advice?

First of all...A BIG GRANDPA HUG to you!!!

Second...you are on the right track, but I think you focus to much on your negativity, you believe to much that everything end up in a negative way...and that, as you say..hinder you in experience the positive aspect.

It seems for me that what you need are to learn to love and respect yourself, first then can you start to live and respect other.

Since you feel you are so down, so "negative" (as you say about your feelings about yourself), I feel the right way to go is in small step, in order to get many victory's, which again might help you to get more and faster progress.

It might be so simple that you say to yourself....today I shall smile and nod to at least 5 strangers, I think you will be surprised to see that you will get smile and nod back. The same can you put up for neighbors and coworkers, try to put up "goals", clap yourself on the back for manage it...and soon it will be a habit you don't need to think about.

When you talk to other, and you feel they come with some blames to you...or you feel the action they do are wrong....go away...or try to use "black humor", the main thing is not to go into dispute, if it is not necessary....and it seldom is.

It might be that you have a lot of negative stress, that works the same way, then we have short fuse, and say a lot we regret as soon as it leave the mouth.

When we read your post, then we can see 9 use of the word "negative" and 2 use of the word "positive".
When we agree that we are in a negative state of mind, then we must focus on "NOT" use the word "Negative", because this only gives confirmation to the mind that we are Negative.
Use the word Positive as often as possible, and use positive thoughts as often as you can....like the glass are not half empty but half full, that the rain gives drinking water, without sun we can't live, works get me out of the house and pay my bills, a life without neighbors would be dull and silent, dogs and cats make my day more changeable...have you seen any birds...trees...flowers...start notice and find their value, and how poor we would be if they vanish.

When we feel sorry for us self (I have been there, believe me), then open your eyes and mind for those millions of people who have it worse then you.
Look in your neighborhood, you might see people who are handicapped, but still live a rich life, and who many times have a good humor and a joke to give.

We must learn to live with what we are able to have, not on what we hope to have, or on what we believe other have.

Success in life are a very wide conception, which change according to the person who evaluate it. It might be that a hobo have a much greater success in life then a person who earn billions. If the hobo feel he/she has enough, that he/she has no longing for anything else, that he/she know who their friends are, and can share their small belongings with each other without any secret thought, then I think they can be more happy with life then a billionaire who can buy everything, and by that never experience the happiness to struggle before achieve the item.....who never can be sure who his/her friends are.....who never can look away from secret thought....who might have problem to walk in public...and so on

Well it seems I have talked myself fare out on the field, so I better run back, and grab hold on YOU and give you another big HUG and say "This will you manage" good luck....take small step....but move forward the whole time.....you are not alone....if you manage....then the reward is great, and that is my wish for you!

I agree with Rhutobello most definitely.

Did you know that science has actually proven that if you do something nice for someone, it actually makes you feel better? It changes your brain chemistry. Even if you don't mean it, try doing nice things for people (including yourself). I say that because even if you don't mean it at first, it will subconsciously cheer you up to the point where it will become sincere. Likewise, our brains love to see someone do something nice for someone else. That also gives our brains a boost of feel-good hormones. Try to be around positive people. Even if they annoy you, witnessing kind acts does wonders for you and your feelings (whether you realize it at first or not). Try watching movies or television shows that are happy and avoid things that are sad or depressing, because our brain (even though we don't realize it) recognizes these fictional things as fact and acts accordingly.

And going along with what Rhuto said, I've always heard that the universe doesn't hear the word "no" or any form of negativity. But our minds certainly do. He's right. By saying that you are/feel negative, you're telling your brain (and even your spirit, perhaps) to continue to feel that way. Instead, keep up with every positive affirmation you have. Even make up new ones for different things.

It's all about getting your brain out of the negative rut, so to speak. By doing positive things, you create new neuro-pathways that allow for positive feelings and connetions to come through.

Many hugs to you and much healing!

Give yourself permission to learn from your mistakes, and use your analytical abilities to learn from it, and use that as an opportunity to begin to allow things to just be the way they are, "isness" as the mystics have called. Hopelessness, arises from a fear of future, future doesnt exist, our physical senses as well as our ego, create the illusion that theres something before or after, or time and space, but there is only the present.
 believe that you have the controll of everything that occurs, which you do, And allow yourself to fill that role, while simultaneously becoming aware that all all of your fears doubts worries, and other things created by the ego, are also illusions.  This is not discrimination between right or wrong, this is allowance,  to become more aware of what is.    Oneness, wholeness, with everything , that is what is.  
 
  My suggestion to you is, is that, become more conscious of your co creative relationship with the source, and youll become more aware of the light within you, this doesnt mean that its permenant, thoughts will inevedibly come back to your programming, because they couldnt find anyone else who resonates with similiar energy patterns , when this happens, ISNESS COMBINED WITH AWARENESS, and after that release.     haha i repeated my concept several times, thank you for posting this, i appreciate this .  Ill be checking back

The universe doesn't hear 'negatives'.  I am NOT afraid..means the universe hears "I AM AFRAID."  "I DON'T want that"..means the unverse hears 'I WANT that"....What we fear the most, is what we create.  It's the law of the universe.  

Choose your thoughts & worse wisely and positively.  Instead of I am not afraid, say "I am Strong, Confident & Capable." See the diffeence?

Live without fear.  Live strong, positive, capable & encoruaged, accepting only good into your life.  Not your vision of good, or what you think you have to have.....just stand up and say "Today I welcome and accept all abundance."  Then ALLOW the universe to unveil and bring it to you.

Your 'picture' here is pretty big.. (or should) be changed.  Only the creation of the now, in positive ways.

Hugs for strength.  Be in joy.