So here's the story: I fell in love with my best friends brother; J, the kind of epic never-ending read about it in romance novels kinda love.
He wasn't ready for a relationship and I got that, I was ok with that. I met someone else, D, and we had a baby together but the torch still burned for J big time so we didn't last.
Anyway about 10 months ago J finally wanted to be with me. This was my dream come true I was so happy I was singing (figuratively). So six months down the track things kinda stalled. We live in different towns you see and it was hard for me to get to him all the time because I have kids at school. So I was making more of an effort than he was and intimacy was an issue, me not getting as much as I would have liked but that wasn't my biggest problem. Oh no I had a bigger one.
I freaked out. I was so used to wanting and worshipping him from afar that when I finally had him I ran scared and ended the relationship.
Here's the kicker though...I had convinced myself that I actually loved D and began a relationship with him directly after ending things with J.
I've since realised I transferred what I wanted from J onto what I knew D could, and would, give me. I'm NOT in love with D and need to end things before he gets more hurt than he will be.
I feel awful as rightly I should and not sure how to get out of it. I miss J and don't know how to handle that one either.
I really hope hugs work. I think I need one...and maybe a few stiff drinks.

sweetie here is a huge hug....much love and huggies

Did you ever stop to consider perhaps you're not ready for a relationship, and should take some time to be alone?  Learn the difference between being alone and lonely?  One is learning to love your company and yourself first, so you know what you have to offer in a relationship.

I agree with kgirlsmomma. What's more, I think that the problem is that you first do something and then think about what you've done. In my opinion you are a little bit lost (or maybe not just a little bit), your emotions are not ordered, you are not really sure what you want. In this case it is good to give yourself time and rethink everything because not only you do harm to yourself but also to another person. My advice is not to break off with D, but just to say that you need to stop seeing him for some time because you have to pull yourself together and order emotional mess inside of you. I think that if you discover once again that you want to be with D (after breaking off now) he won't trust you anymore. And please consider one more thing. Are you sure that you love D or J, isn't it just a need to be with someone and don't you transfer all your love from one man to another just to feel that there is someone who will care about you? Unfortunately it can bring you only disappointment. I understand it, really, I think I had the same problem, but this makes me worry about you much more.
I'm giving you a biiiig hug!

So how is it going TinaM?  Is there an update for us?  

What have you learned  so far by creating this huge lesson for youself in your life?