I was hesitant to come on here, because my situation compared to other people's posts seem small, but this is really bothering me so I hope it isn't selfish. I feel extremely frustrated because I can't seem to move on from someone I thought was truly a nice guy. I thought I could handle this because it was for a short time but my mind wanders off to him. I feel so ashamed, because it was my fault to allow myself to be used. I thought he was kind, humorous and mature but in the end I was being naive.

I have talked to other family members about my situation, but I stopped because I don't want to annoy them with my issue. To go from being in a relationship with someone that in the end wasn't right for me and then meet another and he vanishes is hard to swallow. I tried to talk it out, cry, and pray but nothing seems to work. I hope I don't become scorned, but the embarrassment & hurt I feel is still present. I hope someone can give me some honest, helpful advice because right about now...I feel like a big fool.

First of all, stop beating yourself up.  Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to be a fool and niave, like we all can be, and learn your lessons from it...What did you learn?  By your allowing him to use you...what did he teach you?  We create all of the circumstances in our life, to learn lessons...Starting here with, no one can use you if you don't let them.  Also, be gentle and loving to yourself.  There's no need to beat yourself up.

I just want to thank you for responding to my post. Sometimes I can be pretty hard on myself. I know the next I get involved with someone, I need to be wise and be aware of red flags. By doing this it will give me the opportunity to walk away with confidence and self-respect.

Another little 'check in' I use, which is applicable in all situations..is to stop and ask "Is this loving me?"  It can be about food, drink, trip, travel, spending money, lover, anhthing.  Are you honoring and loving yourself, by doing this thing.  Treating yourself with dignity and respect...Taking care of yourself.......Try it, and let me know.

take some time to be with yourself...feel what you feel, cry, scream, punch something....but put a time limit on it.  Mourn for your loss...but don't torture yourself with it.  Every time you catch yourself dwelling on this, remind yourself that you are not the first or only one who has gone through this and not only will you be happy again..you deserve to be!  You are strong!  This is not going to beat you.

Big Hug!