I am staying positive and giving my energy to the good and not the negative thoughts and anger.  I have certain issues I am dealing with and though me calming my mind isn't making the problems go away, it certainly is helping with how I deal with it.  I have been trying to calm my mind and let go of anger and stress and things that I cannot control.  Issues with a strong-willed teenager, a moody and sassy 3rd grader and a husband who, well a few different issues with.  I have meddling, loud, control freak in-laws that make my blood boil.  Certain family members are wonderful, but the others are the kind of people that suck the energy from everyone and have interfered frequently in my life and caused a lot of resentment and anger and unhappiness.  Divorce is not going to solve my problems, but neither is the anger I have.  I have made it 17 days without screaming, yelling, losing control and letting my anger get to me.  However, I have raised my voice a few times with the kids, but I would catch myself and stop, take a deep breath and walk away.  I am dealing with my husband seperately, as I can guide my children and still have an influence on certain things in their lives as they grow, but I can't make my husband change or want to change.  He knows how I feel, I have remained calm when discussing things, but I am being firm with my feelings and thoughts, and calm on how I present it. i know it wont be easy or fix all my problems, but I am so proud how far I have come so far.  I am presently studying the tarot, the first among MANY things here I want to learn.  I am so appreciative of all the support I have received here, you don't know what it means to me.

The very first lesson I learned on my journey, was that when I point a finger at someone, and YOU are controlling..there are 3 fingers point back at me.  So I had to ask myself, who was the controlling one?  One finger out.."YOU are an idiot"...3 fingers point back at me...Who is the idiot?  It was an eye opener.  I had to acknowledge my own contribution to controlling, being an idiot, causing anger and resentment.  Judging everyone for their actions, and not looking at my own.  Then I realized..no one can 'make' me feel anything, but me.  Slowly I realized it was my perception, and my love could be the only thing that allowed for any change.   I apologized to everyone in my family, and told them I would do better.  Almost immediately, the children became more agreeable..I realized they were mimicking me.  People didn't bother...I still divorced my husband, but I had already done too much damage, and the marriage had run its course.  But I no longer point the finger at him and blame him for anything.  He has to live his own life, as do my children, and my ex- inlaws, and my parents and my brother and my sister.  They have to do, what they are going to do.  Things change when only love is present.