I have been dealing with a lot the past couple of months and it has really done a number on my spirit. At times I feel like I am okay, but lately I am so depressed. All I do is cry and lay in my bed! I don't want to go to work, and sometimes I would like to go out with friends but nobody seems to be around for me. I feel so ignored and abandoned by the people I thought were my friends. I'm so tired of telling the ones who will listen how I'm depressed, they must have gotten tired of me. What sucks is I keep feeling suicidal and I don't know what to do.

I told one of my friends, or someone I was involved with....and thought would be my friend.... that I want to die and he was so hurtful he just said, "Oh god get over yourself." I can't handle that, he has never said a harsh word to me like that before.... that cut me like a knife. How can somebody be so cold? :(

But the thing is something is missing and I know all those spiritual laws like the law of attraction and the fact that we create our own reality but I feel so trapped by this heavy burden because nobody here seems to really care. I'm sorry that this is so long, it's not my intention to drain anyone's energy. I feel more hopeless than I ever have in my life. I've been going through so many changes and clinging to whatever I can only to find it all ripped away from me in the end, regardless of how. Man what do I do? How can I stop feeling so desperate and lonely, especially when everybody's gone to bed and there's no one to talk to? That's the worst.

Thank you all so so much for taking the time to listen. I love this board because everyone on it seems to have such a good heart.

Hey Markitta,

light and love to you.I know how hard it is when we are depressed and no one seems to care.I think when we cut ourselves from people we tend to think they don't care about us.Forget about your past.Live your life to the fullest.Enjoy every moment.If things begin to get gloomy try to overturn the situation and make it joyful.Sometimes we have to make effort to keep us happy.The hole in the heart will remain but with time it will subside and felt less and less.If someone seems to project negativity in your life it's better not to interact much with that person  unless you feel strong enough to be with that person.

In short bring light and love in you life all by yourself

sweetie here is a huge hug i know its hard but stay positive im sending u lots of healing and positive energy and u have people that love u... u are a great person and we believe in you...we are always here for u...much love and huggies

Marquitta,
For me personally, don't even worry about rambbling on! You need to vent, and in the end, venting and getting it all out there will be good for you.

I've been depressed and have felt some of the feelings that you've described, and i know that for me to tell you that it will all smoothe out soon would be cliche. Just know that I feel your pain because I, too, have been there.
It's hard to see any kind of hope when you feel utterly alone and deserted, and it's even harder to learn to stand on your own two feet under that huge burden.
Hang in there! There are angels surrounding you at this very moment. Reach out to them and know that it's not a sin or unspiritual to be depressed.
Your guides and angels don't love you any less because of it.

Oh, btw, rant and vent on if it helps you!

Huge hugs and will be thinking of you!
Coloratura

Marquitta,

I completely understand what you are feeling.

A few years ago I felt the same way. I no felt happiness in anything I did. I remember walking my kids to school and thinking how I wanted to end my pain, but that no one notices. I felt like my life was a black hole. Every thought, every day, every image was like having a black cloud enclosing me. I couldn't shake it. I felt worse for wanting to leave my kids and just go away..... It lasted over a year until I realized that I was hiding all of this. I wouldn't open up to anyone. I could hide my pain behind a smile in front of people. I decided to see my doctor.  I was given medication, and I will say, that is what helped me. I don't like taking medicines, but in this case, it was truely life or death.

Each day I was more and more able to not let anything deepen me. I wasn't numb, but just wasn't able to feel pain anymore. I took this medication for over a year, then decided to stop. I knew I was strong enough. I've been okay since. When I feel myself being sucked back into that black hole, I MUST shake it off. Music and walking have helped with that....

I would suggest you see your doctor first.

But know that this place is a place to vent -- and there are many caring people here that have time to listen! Don't ever feel alone - you are never alone.