I just dont....ahhh!!!! I dont even know right now. Like we werent the closest of all human-beings but i really cared about that kid. He was ^%&*%^&% awsome you know?
I was just wondering if...since tomarrow is Samhain, if there is a meditation to get in touch with him?
I just need some advice...I know it was selfish on his part but isnt it also kinda selfish being upset that hes not here, because if he was he would just be ^%&*%^&% depressed...and thats selfish wanting him to be in a place he hates...am i wrong?

Aiden,

There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, not being selfish for wishing your friend was still here in a place where he didn't like.  Those are true honest feelings you are experiencing right now.  Love for a friend and didn't wish to see them suffer anylonger, but also the sadness of lossing them under these circumstances.  There might even be a time you feel alot of anger towards the situation, then swinging back to sadness.  Guilt for not seeing the serious nature of any signs could also eat at one's heart.  Those could've, should've, senerios play over and over in the mind.  In this you had no control, in the end it is that party that wishes to end this journey that has taken it upon themselves to do so.

There is no meditation, or ritual that I can give you today that will bring you in touch with his spirit.  And please be careful when trying to communicate in this manner.  What you get just might not be the spirit you were looking for.

When my cousin offed himself, I did this little thing.  I wrote a letter pouring out my heart, my rage for him to leave his children, my sadness that our family was not there for him when he did reach out, my regret that we should've been closer so maybe I could've been there when he did ask for help, all those feelings I felt bottled up inside.  I went outside and buried the letter.  In my mind I was laying to rest all those feelings inside me.  This helped with my focus of seeing it being layed to rest. I kept repeating I wish you peace, I wish you no more pain.  A sort of closure for me.  But it still hurts from time to time, even after all these years.  

So perhaps find your way of letting go, and releasing this. I found that by using your own words helps the best.  This is never easy.  I hope you have a good support around you, people you feel comfortable talking to about the feelings you feel right now.  It's important too.  That helped me with the loss.  Sometimes it just helped me when they listened, even though they didn't know what to say.  Because there isn't really any words that can take this away. No magick potion, no quick fix.  

A hug will not be enough and I know that, but I'll offer one anyways.  Vent away, this is your healing and coping methods.  For something that just doesn't add up.  All those questions can be an overload on your spirit.  Best not to keep bottled up.  I hope in time you too find peace, and feel no more pain.

Safe Journey

<hugz> for you.. I have seen several people take the easy way out. It's harder for those left behind.. You just have to remember that life is for the living and push forward.

Aiden,
There is not much more that I can add..Crow has said most of what you need to know about this terrible loss too you and others. We all of us take blame when something like this happens; it is part guilt-could we have done more-and part mourning.
What you need to take on board though is the fact that there were probably many people closer to your friend than you, who didn't pick up on his suffering. I am not apportioning blame here; it's more that our lives are so helter-skelter that we forget to look sideways at what effect the world has on other fellow humans.
   At some point in the future you might be able to contact your friend-but as Crow advises do be careful. Your friend would have had good reasons for taking his life. Reasons which you might never know. In life, your friend-like all of us-had a reason for doing everything, so try to take that thought on board rather than blame him for what he did.
Many Blessings
Michael

sweetie here is a huge hug....much love and huggies