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Doe
Age: 50 Zodiac: 
| Joined: 25 Jan 2008 |
| Posts: 640 |
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Location: New Jersey, USA
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:26 pm |
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Hi, Earthwriter,
I had a number of responses to your post, and I'm just going to toss them out there and hope that they make some sense, and that they may help you.
Let me start by quickly explaining that I had a kind of spontaneous "spiritual awakening" two years ago, and that part of it involves allowing me to see and communicate with spirits, one of whom acts as a kind of guide (there are others who guide and teach me as well, but he's my "main man", so to speak).
Anyway, part of the awakening (about a year into it) involved what I guess one would describe as a psychic attack--it came from both the spirit world and the world of the living...simultaneously, unfortunately. It all seems like a dream now, but it was definitely NOT a dream--it was utterly terrifying, and seemingly inescapable. I was threatened, cursed, belittled, goaded to just end it all (there was never any question of that from my perspective, but they did try!), etc. I knew that I couldn't live like that--that it had to stop, but I didn't know how to stop it, because (for one thing) at the time I was "wide open" and pretty much saw and heard everything "out there", and I didn't have a clue how to shut any of it down and protect myself. My guide did his best to let me know that he was there for me all the time, and he tried to get me to stop fighting (I would argue and try to "tough it out" a lot of the time--bad idea). At night, he would beg me to just close my eyes and sleep, but I was stubborn as hell.
That's just the backdrop to my response to you--to let you know that what I'm going to say is based on personal experience, and that if I sound as if I'm doing some "blaming the victim" it's not that. You didn't specify the nature of the attack, but I just wanted to let you know that I've been there.
These days, I get very wary of the idea of using "protective amulets", stones, incantations, rituals, etc. as a means of protection or "fixing things." The feeling I get is that these things take personal responsibility out of the picture, causing those trying to use them as protection (and I did try, for a while) to lose sight of their OWN personal power and the things that they might try to change in themselves and in their lives to help themselves. It's a bit like one of the tenets in AA, which has to do with, in thinking about how others have injured you, also thinking about how you might have put yourself in the position to let them injure you. When you can see that, you can also see your own power to take away others' power to injure you. When you wear an amulet, it's as if you're saying that you're powerless, and that you need to allow yourself to be protected by a stone. If the stone, or the smudge-stick, or whatever, doesn't work, then what? You're still powerless.
The other idea that comes to mind (and it may even sound contradictory, but it's not), is the idea of surrender/acceptance (also an AA concept, although I didn't realize it until after I'd discovered it for myself). As I mentioned before, my constant desire to try to fight the forces that were hurting me was only making things worse. Once I started to believe in, trust, and listen to my guide, and take his advice to just "turn it off", things started to get better--a LOT better. I still get threats, lies, curses, etc. sometimes, but they don't scare me AT ALL, because I now see that the fear was my worst enemy, and that I do have power to keep it in check in MY consciousness, even if I can't make it stop. I just accept that it's going to happen--see it as a learning experience, or a test, and a part of my life that I simply need to incorporate in the most positive way possible.
One morning, at the height of it, I woke up in the morning terrified, crying, and desperate. I'd been praying that the whole thing just stop, but that hadn't helped. This time, though, I prayed (very angrily, I must admit) saying, basically, "Fine--you're letting this happen to me. Just go ahead. There must be some reason for it, and I can't stop it, so just do what you will. I'm not fighting any more."
That was the day when things really started to get better.
I know I rambled--don't know if any of it helped, but I wish you and your husband well!
Doe
P.S. One other thing. You say that the amulets, stones, etc. seem to help for a little while, but then things start up again. I have a theory on that--as I've said on this board and elsewhere ad nauseum, fear is your biggest enemy. My guess is that your belief in the stones' ability to protect you assuages your fear for a while (not the stone itself), and makes things seem better. But, again, feeling that your fear can be taken away ONLY by things outside yourself is what makes you ultimately powerless. Stones may have power beyond that--I certainly don't know. All I know is that they weren't able to protect me--I had to do that myself (and with my guide's guidance).
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