Ok so for a while now I have felt myself to be lacking any spiritual part to my life, I feel very 'blocked' off, as though my body, soul or whatever has turned away from everything not 'safely' in the tangible here and now. When I was younger I was relatively certain of what I believed, and yet also I was able to accept the possibilities put forth by other beliefs. Now certain events over the last couple of years (well two or three years ago now) seem to have shaken my belief completely, and I find myself unable to even begin to believe anything new.
I suppose what has happened to me is that, I went through a rocky period with difficult a break-up and also around the same time traumatic friendship. Now obviously these two things are nothing out of the ordinary, especially in your late teens, adulthood just around the corner and so on. What made them different for me was that both my good friend and my girlfriend at the time were in their different ways very 'spiritual', for want of a better word. And not only that, they were it seemed to me having difficulties of their own or perhaps misguided somehow (I do not of course presume to judge, merely comment on my experience with them).
My friend, who lived with me for a time, slowly derailed my faith in Christianity, introducing me to other forms of spirituality with grand talk of Astral projection, Auras, and so on. Now I'd like to say at this point that I realise I probably sound a bit like a over-dramatic teen, and perhaps I was, but I'm recounting my experience as I experienced it then, so please bear with me.
I think in a way he opened my eyes to the diversity of spiritual experience and belief, which I don't think is an entirely bad thing. He also introduced me to a shy, insainly pretty girl who (I learnt latter) heard voices. We started dating and all was well, as far as I could tell, right up until the point that the voices told her to dump me (which was the first time I really became concerned with the 'voices' thing).
On one level you might think, well either she wants to back out (maybe met someone else) and is making up odd stories to explain it or maybe she's a little bit la-la. But on another level, well what if? At the time I certainly believed her (and I'm still not saying there wasn't something in it). I suppose I flipped out a little; the question my 'rational' mind kept screaming was why? Why do this? It doesn't make sense; none of it makes sense. And in truth it still doesn't, but I don't particularly care about that, I've left it behind.
What I do care about is that in the weeks following the break up I became extremely sensitive to... stuff, I don't know, all kinds of things seemed highly significant. One big thing that happened was one day about a week after, I was supposed to meet up with my ex to try and stay friends and talk it all through calmly (bad idea, I know ha), but she was out (perhaps purposefully). No a friend had said to me that something would help, I'd find a book that would call out to me or see something, something that would help me make sense of it all. So while I was hanging around waiting for her to txt me saying she was home I wandered into a bookshop. I wandered around this amazing little second hand bookshop with its towering shelves of dusty books and literally walked straight to the spiritual/religion section. My eye was caught by a butter yellow book called "A guide for the advanced soul" by Susan Hayward. It's basically a little book of quotes, the idea being that you hold a problem/question in your mind and open the book at random. I did this and the quote I got startled me so much I actually laughed. I cant remember what it was now, but it was almost exactly something that my ex had told me a couple of weeks before she broke up with me, that I had to relax and trust myself, something like that. That night I got very ill, I had a crashing migraine and the following day I decided I was dying ha! It all seemed very ominous, but I guess I blew it out of proportion, probably just stress.
Anyway there were other things like that for about a month or so. Then suddenly nothing, I couldn't seem to believe in anything, I stopped caring about anything very much. I felt as though my mind, body and soul were hibernating or going into some chrysalis like stasis. I don't know, I just feel a bit empty, like I'm only going through the motions of life.
Perhaps there are times when we are in need and certain experiences and/or abilities become available to us to help deal with the situation; maybe we see things and find meaning where others see nothing (or we ourselves had previously seen nothing). And then when we no longer need these experiences they are shut out again. Or then again, perhaps sometimes when we experience things so unfathomable to us (at the time of the experience) something in us heals or calluses over that experience and 'switches off' the related part of our senses or whatever for a while, like a kind of defence mechanisim.
I really cannot say what is the truth in this matter, but I seek to find something, if not answers, then at least begin to find myself again and learn to become more aware of the world/s around me.
I would greatly appreciate any feed back, thoughts on the matter or whatever
Welcome to Mystic Board - Free Astrology, Tarot to Psychic Discussion Board. New visitors: Register Now its FAST! Members, please Sign-In.
