Thanks Tanya and Tamara,

Actually I'm starting to see the things with another perspective, I have seen how some of my friends behave, always moaning about the same but never doing something to change it and I have deciced I have been like that too much time, I am going to try to live following my gut as much as I can, sometimes it will bring me trouble but at least I will be more faithful to myself, I have decided to try to enjoy my life as much as I can and not care too much about what people (including my friends) can say or think, that's their problem not mine.

Wish the best to all of you!

Thats a great way to be....I too have many friends etc who always complain and moan...I know everyone has problems,fair enough but after a while i dont want to talk to them anymore...So i havent....Just cant deal with their extra stuff at the moment........Good on ya for not caring what others think or say,im still yet to beat that....I mean i live my own life but on the inside it eats me up what others say about me and think....Im the black sheep and boy does everyone let me know that.....Now you are starting fresh you will feel alot better and it takes alot for someone to change.....Cool.


Much Love Tamara :o)

Thanks for your support Tamara, it's indeed a long and hard road till you get (almost) total independence in most senses of the word, but at least I am the one who is choosing it so if I fail or I succeed at least I would be the one to blame, I have to take real responsability of my actions, my present and, even if it's better not to think too long in it, my future. I'm sure you are not the black sheep at all and if the others think that, well f*** them! I know it's easier to say than do and I by no means want to give you advices, basically because I am terrible at that, I may face problems with some of my friends by saying some things to them, but I can no longer take more crap eternally, like you said everybody has a crap limit and with some of my friends I have already reached that level.

Anyway with the loss of my ex I also lost the best friend I ever had so it's not like their friendship is that important anyway, don't get me wrong I'll still care for them, I'll try to help them if they need me but I really don't have the confidence I should have with them after that many years and I know I never will, anyway I am sure I will make new friends with the time and it will be hard they'll be worse than the actual ones in some senses.

I am sure that with the time you will care less about what others thinks or say about you, at least it happened to me, of course it's hard not to care at all and depending on the person it could be harder but I would say it should be a cuestion of time.

Like you said it takes a lot for someone to change but the best thing about having "nothing" it's that you have nothing to lose, that lets you take a lot of risks that probably you wouldn't dare any other way.  

Lots of love!

she does not need to know if you forgive her or not. it is up to you to make up your mind to forgive her and send her on her way.  an example of what i mean is:  i ended a 5 year relationship with mental abuse.  it took me several years to realize the impact it was having on my life.  i wrote a letter to my former boyfriend fully explaining everything that he did to me, what he made me feel (both good and bad) and that i was letting him go and that i finally truly forgave him for it all.  i did not mail the letter, i then ripped it up into tiny shreds and flushed it down the toilet. while i was doing this, i was thinking that he is being flushed out of my life with the vision of him leaving my life.

with that being said/explained...try writing a letter (in hand not on computer) to her saying your feelings, good and bad. this process will help you to move on and let her go.  after you ahve done this, use a white candle (not any other color) burn the letter in the sink into a bowl of water. then with the water running in the sink, dip your hands into the water ash mixture and let it flow through your fingers down the drain.  think of washeing her down the drain out of your life.

by hating her, you are using up your energies in a wastful way. by forgiving her (when you are ready to ) you are able to redirect your energies to better things for you.

i hope this helps.

here is a quote i just came across that i think will help...

"forgiveness is the economy of the heart...it saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits."

- hanna moore (1745-1833)