I am in desperate need of a hug!  Office of Children's Services found out about the last time I drank and I may be loosing my children!  That was the first time in 22 months that I drank!  I don't know what to do!  I am sooooo scared!  I don't know what I am going to do if I lose my children.  I only drank one night after all that time sober and my whole life is a mess!  I am still going to do my steps, and I am still going to stay sober.  I have 19 days sober now.  I just don't know what I am going to do if I lose my babies!  I have a 12 year old, and a 2 year old.  Please pray for me!

Hi, Avaiyak,

It must be really frightening to think that you might lose your children.  I really hope that things work out.

My impression from all your posts here is that you're taking on a LOT at one time--trying to stay sober, thinking about the possibility of getting your children back, and what you will tell them about things, your possible psychic abilities and the desire to use them, and the demon that you feel is wreaking havoc with you, your sister, and your boyfriend.

I've never gone through AA or any other program, but I've known a lot of people who have.  My FEELING is that perhaps you need to slow down a bit, and take things one step at a time.  The most important thing for you and for your children at this time is your getting sober, and I know how hard that is.  (By the way, is it 19 days since you drank, or did you go 19 days and then drink, and then go back to sobriety?)  19 days is really good, and I'm sure that it seems like an eternity for you.  You should be proud.  And yet, to others (like Children's Services), it probably doesn't tell them much--yet.

Isn't one of the tenets of 12-step programs, "Keep it simple?"  Again, I'm no expert, but that seems to be a good way to think at this time.  Maybe focusing pretty much exclusively on your desire to get and stay sober, and your terror over losing your children, is the way to go for now.  I have a feeling that, at the moment, every second is a decision for you, and it involves staying away from anything that will keep your children away from you any longer than they have to be.  Keep it simple--just don't drink (or do drugs, if you do).  Anything else for the moment is secondary.  Any time you want to just let go and do what your body and mind are no doubt begging for you to do, just remember how afraid you are of losing your children for good.  The psychic stuff, the demon, and everything else can wait.

I think that someone else here said something about how demons (whether internal--from your own mind and psyche--or external) have more power when you're feeling weak, tired, etc.  Staying sober will give you the strength to deal with that.  Every day that you make it through, you can wake up the next morning and think, "I was strong yesterday.  I can be strong today."  And that strength will increase and help you drive away all of your personal demons with time.  You'll begin to trust your own strength, and be happier with yourself.

Those are just my personal thoughts.  Again, you can always write us here when you need help and encouragement--we're all rooting for you.

By the way, did you live in Portland at one point?  I went to college there, and lived in S.E. Portland.  I miss it so much--it's a beautiful city, but I haven't been back since 1985!

Take care,

Doe

P.S.  I just re-read your post, and saw that you'd actually gone for 22 months without drinking, which is awesome.  Don't let the one slip make you feel that it's impossible--22 months is a LONG time to fight an addiction.  Children's Services is another matter--they see a slip as a bad sign, no matter how long it's been (and I'm sure that you can see their point of view too).  But if you made it that long the last time, you can go even further this time.

Do you know what it was that made you slip the last time (what is it--"people, places, and things"?)?  Is there a clue there to help you avoid it the next time?

Please understand that I KNOW that it sounds way too easy for someone who's not trying to get sober to give advice--and it is.  But do try to put that feeling aside to try to look at the bigger picture.  You know what's best for you.  That's another one of your strengths, if you use it well.

I feel for you because you have got alot going on and you must be so tired and stressed.....22 months is awsome for you to have gotten that far,good work......Like you said it was only one slip-up and surly they will look at the 22 months and realise the slip was just that,a mistake.......Please stay positive and have faith,ok......I send you loads of *huggles* poitive energy and my love.....And you're also in my prayers....


Tamara :o)

sweetie im so sorry that u are going thru this...here is a huge hug...im sending u lots of positive energy...stay strong...u are in my thoughts and prayers....much love and huggies

Sending energy for the very best for all of you!!