This is not really a "i need a hug thing"  More like an I need a positive guiding light!

(Though GOOD HUGS ARE ALWAYS GOOD!)

Another 7 year cycle is coming to an end here and the upheaval seems to be enormous!

Here we go.

Where do i start?

I am pregnant?

My husband left me?

My computer was hacked into and all my business files were deleted?

I am a beautiful struggling young woman (like many of you here i am sure)
who fought the demon of self involvement and won and took on to aid the lives of other misguided souls.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH ONE!  and a beautiful bouncing girl was produced!

3 1/2 years of good struggle evolved in this relationship and things were on the rise, until a new job where my struggling mates soul was joined by many irresponsable 17 year olds who showed him how to be self involved and childish again, and his downward spiral began again.

When the pronouncement came that he was to be a father for a second time the wings of flight took him back to where he started from, avoiding responsability and drowning himself in his own selfish ends.

Our daughter whose  a 2 yr old Leo, is taking all of it amazingly well though his unpredictability is causing a few issues and she has informed me that she is now 2 people.

The single life i am fine with, there is no point in having someone around that really does not want to be there and i had been advised many times to get rid of him, especially as his behavior worsened, but i alway felt the optamism that he would come to see the reality of what was going on again  and fix it.

He is putting an immense strain on me, with his irrational behavior, absurd demands, failing financial standing, not to mention that i have a VERY ACTIVE 2 yr old and i am pregnant.

I started a bussiness just before my daughter was born due to an inablility to work because of pregnancy complications, i was going mad sitting alone doing nothing in a hospital bed and started jewelery making.  This quickley progressed to include my facination with gemstones and their uses.

Over the passed 3 years this has grown into a beautiful financial aid, time was always short but having another soul there to take "Morning duty" was of immesurable help as my most divine inspiration comes between the hours of 1-4am.

An internet store also helped here, immensly.

But since the end of this relationship, time is not on my side, my computer gemstone bussiness has stopped as there is no time for computer replacement adds etc, jewelery making is a much slower process being that it is at the wrong time of day and the calmness that would normally surround me at this time is replaced by involving my beautiful daughter.

I knew that this was the begining of a diverging path and being a Libran i am finding it very hard to weigh up the right options.  THere is no time for my store and jewelry making but the 2 go hand in hand. (the store is selling all the extra gemstones that i buy to lower the cost of the pieces to make them much more affordable).

Plus with another beautiful gift on the way, time would be even shorter.

Then my computer was hacked into and all my client lists and financial information was wiped. (my daughter also learnt to swear during this 10day phase)

I do not know if i should take this as a sign to stop, or whether i need my great reserve of strength to push through the barrier.

THEN.... hmmm.. there is a gentleman.

FAr away, whom i have never physically met , but converse with almost everyday and have for the past 2 years.  He lives in a beautiful distant country, one i have always planned to visit but before the birth of my daughter i never got there.  We know each other through bussiness but the relationship has grown to be a much fonder one.

I have a huge urge to go there (this i do not think has been exacerbated by my current domestic situation as it has always been there but i am not too sure).  He has made it quite subtly obvious that it is his wish.

My mother mentioned out of the blue one day that he would be a much better match than my current (well at the time) one.  and has mentioned it since, even though she was never impressed with my interest in foreign gentleman ( i have been engaged 5 times and only the last one had english as his natural language). Or any real interest in me for that matter, she knows that being a mother was never something that she was good at.

5 times may sound excessive but my life is not by any means average, and the first i was only 16.  I do not bounce from one relationship to the next and i am quite comfortable with my own company, hence my ability to leave a situation if it really is not the correct route.  I am still on friendly terms with all these gentlemen and their families. ( i felt a little clarification was necessary)

THere are many other things going on surrounding these bigger issues that are compounding my stress levels and my inability to see a correct path.

So i just need a little bit of positive energy and guidance (i have also written in the astrology reading forum to see about getting a reading).

I also want to thank anyone that can actually get through this monster report on my little dilemma at the moment.

THANK YOU

Hi again, D_Vampyra!

Well, since you say you've read some of my posts, you know that I can take about 5 paragraphs to get a simple thought across, so I have no problem with long posts!

I do tend to start these responses without a clue what I'm going to say, so I apologize in advance if I come up with nothing useful!

First, it sounds as if you have a LOT of good things in your life, and in yourself (those qualities I mentioned in the post in my other thread, a desire to do good things for others--for example, you gave wonderful responses to a LOT of "I Need a Hug" threads today before bothering to talk about your own needs/feelings--a beautiful daughter for whom your love practically bounces off the screen here when you write about her, and another child on the way, whom you will no doubt love just as much--and of course that love will always be reciprocated!).  It also sounds as if your mother cares for you a great deal, and you're obviously intelligent and creative, and I believe you when you say you're beautiful!

Nor do you sound as if you have the propensity to drown yourself in self-pity, which, as you already know, only makes things worse.  I've certainly learned that the hard way myself; one thing my "guide" being by my side and my experiences over the past year have taught me is that when things go "bad", it's always just part of a cycle that rebounds back to something wonderful--and that the more relaxed about it I can make myself be, the shorter the bad patches seem to last.  I have a feeling that you know that, too--but it can be easy to forget sometimes when things seem to be falling apart around you!

Maybe it's spring, but the husband leaving at exactly the wrong moment thing seems to be going around.  Yesterday a friend wrote to me to say that her husband (whom she just married this past Valentine's Day) just left her--FOUR DAYS after their son was born.  She also has four other children, and no income to speak of.  It must be terrifying for both of you, but if your "ex's" behavior and your interactions with him are having an effect on your daughter, then maybe it's best that he go--at least until/unless he gets his s#%@ back together!  I don't know--it's just a thought.

I wish I could give you "advice", but I'm always a little cautious about doing that (or I TRY to be, at least!  ).  One thought that did run through my head, and you are of course free to dismiss it (!), is that MAYBE now would not be the time to actively pursue another relationship--my feeling is that those things always work out better when one's own life feels settled enough without needing anyone else to make it "work".  You said that you've always be comfortable just spending time with yourself (and, I'm sure, your daughter), and the relationship you've been developing online seems to be one that doesn't need to be rushed and will still be there whenever you're ready.  Again, just a personal feeling about what you said...

I guess that's it for now--I hope it helped a little, at least!  Write again, any time, and all the best to you, your daughter, and the little one on the way!

Doe

Hi d vampyra,

I too have read your beautiful posts in different threads and all I can say that inspite of the personal hell you are going through you have your head firmly placed on your shoulders and that is commendable.

You are a mother who is pregnant. Hormonally,mentally and physically you must be a mess. I have a two year old and I can totally understand the pressures of motherhood.I simply fail to understand 'men' running away from responsibilites.

I am not so great with words or advices but I have this good feeling that you would not only survive this but make a success out of your life and your beautiful children .
Hang on in there.
Heartfelt prayers and positive vibes coming your way.

{{{hugs}}}

Gosh- i feel really guilty for whining on for so long in my post. I know that the aim of this forum isnt "who is the worst off" - but i certainly feel you are more deserving of hugs than i am!

Your situation sounds like veritable choas at the mo,however i am glad (or i feel ) that you have the foresight to see that this is simply a phase and things WILL get better for you.And things will be clearer.It just takes time to work through. You are clearly braver than most- thru realising things are wrong and immediately changing them, rather than many others who wait until the situation is SO unbearable that it effectively makes the decison for them and destorys them - thus forcing them to leave it that way. im glad you realised that guy was not worthy of you. Ive made the above mistake two of the two times ive ever experienced love (if you can even call it that from the way they behaved i.e seeing me once a week, ditching me after i lost my virginity to one, backbiting me, using other women to make me jealour, never phoning me, using me etc). It took me a long time to realise you are better off single than with obvious morons- focusing on strengtehing your life,having some self respect and focusing on the future.

you did this, and additionally found a skill.A skill so strong that it is proved by fact that you mananged to sell the product. please please dont give this up. i know you are starved for time,and current chaos is making it even harder, but i feel you should do all you can to NOT give up the business and be proud of what you have acheived so far.

the business will help provide your daughter with a better quality of life, even if you find work elsewhere- you will be starved of time(wheras your business will allow you to work as and when  you want- thus fitting around your beautiful daughter) and also allow you to afford her as much time and funds as neceassary in the future. this is just my POV.

In regards to this new man- i think that you should jsut see how it goes. there is no rush, espcially with so much else that is going on at the moment. you really need to focus on financially stablising yourself and your daughter's future, finding a routine and being secure and comfortable in that. If he wishes to visit you then he can do so, but as you have a daughter and pending finincial sitatuion (please frogive me if i sound patronising)-it is best to stablise that, and fit things like him in as secondary.

note- i have only bad experiences of men, so hope this isnt clouding my advice in regards to you in priority of actions.I am not infering anythign negative of him, simply that from my POV- this is the most effective advice I can see/think of.Thank you so much again for your reply to my post btw!!
Peace and love
x

THank you Doe.

I appreciate the in depth answer, words are a beautiful way of communicating.

My plans are not to pursue the relationship though it does keep coming up more often, and it all seems so tempting!

My real need for guidance is in life on the whole, and what it is that i am to accomplish and in which direction i am supposed to go.  I do not know where i am supposed to obtain this advice other than from Astrology, which is why i have found this wonderful site.

Also being here reading others needs and problems and maybe being able to help certainly aids me aswell.  Some people i feel will never be fortunate enough to understand the power of giving, and that is the biggest shame.

I believe that the planets do have a real impact on us as humans and that the planetary alignments from our moment of Birth are our way of "remembering" what lesson we are on earth for in this particular incarnation. (just need an interpreter!)

THe upheaval of moving from the age of Pisces to Aquarius has already been a big one and will get worse before it gets better planet wise, but it seems to be having a real upheaval on people as well, the changing planetary energies are causing big waves and people seem to be hiding inside of themselves which portrays it's self in the selfish behaviors exhibited by the majority of the world, i feel that i am to help in some way but i do not know exactly how.

My forte has always been communication.

I thank you again for all of your beautiful words, whether they find a solution is not as important as their intent, which has been very well met.