I joined this board when I saw this forum.  

I do believe sending love and light out helps everyone.

Right now, I am feeling down.  I'm trying to rebuild my life after losing my oldest son in accident, finding out that my husband has been unfaithful with friends of mine  over the past few years and now going thru divorce.  My other kids are devasted,  I want to start over but the pain can be intense.  I need to let that negative part go.  I want to really live the life I thought I was living; one full of love and laughter.

Thank you in advance for your hugs,

Hi, BlueEyesFlashing (pretty "name"!),

I read the first line of your post and immediately wanted to write.  First, reading that you'd lost a child is heartbreaking and unimaginable (I have a 9-year-old son, so it's difficult for me to even think about such a thing happening).  How long ago did it happen?  How old was he?

And to read that you're dealing with your husband's infidelity (especially with friends--I had a somewhat similar situation happen recently, and, even though my husband and I were already in the process of parting ways--at least as husband and wife--it was an incredibly painful betrayal from both sides) on top of that...It's hard to know what to say.  "Letting the pain go" from either incident is no doubt more easily said than done--it can take a very long time, and there's no need for you to rush it.  No matter what anyone tries to tell you, you need to work through things in own your own time and in your own way.  The love and laughter will come back when you're ready.

But I'm glad you "found" us.  There are some wonderful people here, and you should feel free to write any time you want or need to.

Please take care (and here's a hug),

Doe

Thank you for sending hugs so soon!  I knew I'd like this place.

My son 16, died 4 years ago in a car crash.  He lost control of the car and it a tree at the end of our street.  I have three other children, they were 15, 14 and 6, when he died.  I tried to help each one of them and my husband.  I thought my husbands lack of responsiveness to counsel for the family was due to his grief.  I just found out it was because he was hiding one of his affairs.  He had been caught in bed with a friend by her husband they week before my son died.  I had no idea about this until I was told after I found out about another affair which ended our marriage.  

My heartbreak is wrenching.  But I realize that he was and is not the man I thought I married.  I'm trying to get on with my life.  I pray, I know that there is a divine power out there I can call on.  I think that's what has gotten me this far.  But it all hurts when I least expect it.  Today is one of those days.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but I feel locked at times.  I know I have such love inside of me.  It confounds me that it was casually dismissed.

Thank you for writing back to me.
I will send you love and light too

The pain sounds as if it would be unbearable--now as well as then.  Four years is not a long time to grieve a child's loss; you don't sound as if you're "wallowing" or not letting it go (I don't know if anyone has said that to you; I just mention it because I know that some people can make you feel as if you need to "get over" grief sooner than you're ready to--more for their comfort than yours, I think).  You sound hopeful and open to getting on with your life in spite of your sadness.

It's also kind of terrifying when someone you thought you "knew" and trusted pulls the rug out from under you like that.  Especially after a long marriage (I'm assuming that you were married for a long time because of the ages of your children), I get the impression that you feel as if you need to start your life over almost from scratch.  That's scary (especially when you're taking care of children as well as yourself), but it can be done.

But I'm glad that praying has gotten you this far (it always helps me, even if I'm not sure exactly who it is I'm praying to--what form he/she/they/it takes!), and I'm glad that you're comfortable "reaching out" (I always hate that term...sounds kind of sappy, but you know what I mean!), because that will help you too, I'm sure.  

Again, write any time, as much as you need to.

Doe

I will send you a lots of Big Grandpa hug and all those positive energies you can manage to receive.

I have few words to add, since my language skill are not high enough, but I think Doe has said much of it.

But the most important thing is that you manage to find something positive, even in this darkness, because negativity consume your "power", and everything become so much harder to carry, and you need positivity  for building a new life and new connections.

You are still young, don't go in the trap to sit alone at home, make yourself the goal to show your husband what he lost!

I wish you and your family all luck and happiness for the future