For the most part, my trigger is the rape and abuse I had gone through in past years. I am single and because I choose to be to protect myself. I keep thinking its safer this way, but I yearn to love and be loved. To give affection and recieve it, if i can. Does anyone else feel this way? I think I've turned to crystals and gemstones to be my friends. My protectors. But in the end, the stones won't be able to protect me from the world.

I live in fear, even though I don't want to. I struggle with positive thoughts and affirmations, repeating them to make them true. To WILL the good into my life. But there's only so much I can take. I'm 23, and I have no "life." I don't go out, I don't unteract, and I do this to protect myself. Instead I'm hurting myself. The pain of memories will fade over time. Right now, I'm hurting.

Thanks for reading.

Hi sweetie,

Your doing a lot of the right things, now go get some help, to help you finish this part of your journey.
HUGE HHHUUUGGGSSS, positive energy. lots of love.

Karlene

Unfortunately, nothing really protects us from the world.  
Keep developing your skills and let yourself start being aware of what your guides are telling you.  They will try to give you the info you need to protect yourself.

In my history, I have memories of being abused by a male in my family.  I have been told that can't be true.  For me it is.  I meditated on this for a very very long time.  I realized that there was something my Spirit needed for me to experience, for what ever Karmic reason.  I never really tried to find out what in another life I did so that I needed this experience.  I looked at Karma and talked with my Spirit Self.  For me it helped a great deal that my Higher/Spirit Self had picked this life time for me to work it through and clear my Karma for that.  
I  was shown that in other lifetimes that person has been my son, my partner, a friend.  He was there to help me thru my Karma and I was there for him in the same way.  
For me, when I realized that I had chosen to come into this lifetime and experience this, I felt a huge sense of guilt/ helplessness lift from me.  
Please know.  It doesn't mean that I don't protect myself in situations.  I lam careful around him.  I protect myself emotionally.
Would I choose this for anyone to experience.  NO.  I know I am a stronger person for the experience.  I know I would not be who I am today without it.  I realize that I can heal and turn the pain and fear into compassion and love.
I learned that one of the things I need to do for myself is to walk all the way thru feelings from a situation. Just the feelings, not the situation.  It's when I don't do that, I have them coming back over and over again and I can never free myself from them.
The second I sit down and walk thru the feelings I am having about something, then I am finished.  It is not always easy for me.  I sometimes need help from someone else.  Sometimes the people I'm around are not happy I am walking thru my pain, fear or anger from a situation (like my abuse) They want me to be happy.  I want to stop living with the same feeling all the time.
These 2 steps helped me enormously to free myself from the fear and pain.  I had to take responsibility SPIRITUALLY, just Spiritually for needing to have the experience in this lifetime. I had to be willing to walk thru the horrible feelings to come out the other side so I could move on in my life and not stay in relationship with my violator forever more.
I feel that this is tough stuff to share and yet it can be freeing.  Ask for help when you need it.
Become best friends with your Higher/Spirit Self.  
Know that my heart is going out to you.  You can use this horrible part of your life to empower you for the rest of your life.  You can turn the horrible thing into something you can use to be a more compassionate, loving person.   Be what they didn't want you to be.    Be the powerful person you are meant to be.  Use this to become powerful.  
Please know, I don't say any of this lightly.  I know it is painful and not easy.  Yet, I hope you can find the freedom and the peace you so deeply deserve.
Again, my heart is going out to you.  Thank you for sharing.  May the peace and love of the Gods be with you forever more.

sweetie here is a huge hug...much love and huggies

You're on the right track,in time with help you will heal yourself with the help of others......Im sorry that you're hurting and going thru a difficult time but you will get thru it because you are a very strong person...Never forget that you're strong and that you have the love and support of the angels and spirits/guides,if you look to them they will always help ease your pain...And we are always here to help you also if you ever need someone to listen to you.

Here are some massive *huggles* my love and positive energy going to you.


Tamara :o)