My life hurts.....my situation is a personal hell and to compund it I am never allowed to forget it for even a moment. I believe God has let it come to this.....my free will is not free and my will is slowly being crushed.
I cannot establish any real relationships with people because of this, and thus I suffer immensely. I feel inadequate and useless to the world because of what was done to me to destroy me. I can't bring myself to laugh, smile, relax.....and it shows in my face. I havent dated in over 7 years. Last night it was very overwhleming....this is not depression...I already passed that.....this is much worse...this is what hell feels like....I need a hug and a miracle....and it seems God just stopped listening....this lesson needs to finish....

A BIG BIG GrandpaHUG to you.!

After reading your post it is one thing that CRY out to me....you have to build your self esteem and be able to start loving yourself.

I will also recommend you to start with meditation. This will help you to get a better perspective(because of time to think and to calm down.)

Most of us struggle in our daily life, and if we let this struggle control our life...well then we might collapse.

Try to avoid any negative influence, try to focus on the positive...try to turn around any thoughts from "half empty" to "half full"  from dam* rain to "thx for the water it brings life"....it might sound strange and be a bit hard in the start....but it will slowly change the way you see your life and it become your way of thinking.

If you feel down....visit places like this...interact with us....it gives positive impulses that might help you on the turnaround.....always remember that you are not alone in your struggle....million and millions of other have it much worse....so who are we to complain. (just said to get another focus, I use it myself )

Another big hug and good luck

I believe you are in big need of help. I send you lots of hugs and love and all the emotional backup you can take. But I feel terribly inadequate: it is obvious to me that you are way beyond the "pat in the back" stage.

So, come on, think hard: where could you get professional help real fast? Because I believe I have a (sometimes) mild depression and it has gone on for so many years that I finally decided to seek psyc therapy, after trying all sorts of alternative healing methods.

Come on, try to help yourself to come nearer to the help you badly need. In the meantime, a huge hug from me  

Yea i completely understand you.i myself feels same many.don't lose hope.I feel this year is the end of it.LOts lots of lights,love and hugs.and hope you find a true fulfilling relationship very very soon.

http://www.mysticboard.com/weblog.php?w=466&month=1&year=2008&day=3

In my blog there is some vizualizaltion to help you.i hope you may like them.they are at the bottom. one is The magick helaing bag and the second is Your heart,heaven and source.

I understand exactly what you mean when you say you're BEYOND depression.
I've been through all that and can tell you:

1. You're at you're lowest point now which means it can't get any worse which means right now all you have to do is try to SURVIVE and let some time pass

2. Time does help the healing , esp. after a traumatic event - LIVE ON, SURVIVE and you will feel this effect , do not procrastinate yourself and do not ask yourself 'Why don't I have this or that?' right now - that's torturing yourself. Love and other good things can't come your way if you're not OPENED to it, and your WISHING is simply not enough at this time.


3. Try AS HARD AS YOU CAN not to dwell on that past event or past in general. It has no use if you just repeat it in your mind and then relive all the negative emotions that arise from it without any constructive realization,

3. Do not dwell , but rather analyze the past with help from a close person or a professional

4. Don't be afraid/embarassed to seek professional help. I myself have been avoiding therapy for 10 years, refusing to open up , but now I found a great therapist I trust and like personally and things started to get much, MUCH better.
Ask for recommendation for a therapist, then go to a few of them and see right away which person 'clicks' for you, which one do you feel most comfortable with.

5. I'M SENDING YOU A HUGE, WARM HUG  from Croatia hoping you will try to take these steps.