Well, I figured since I am a newbie to the forum I would start out by posting whoa of mine as of late to get some feedback on what others within the forum think of this issue.

When two people become involved in a relationship, they are two unique individuals, joined as one. If you love one another,  you choose to accept each other as you are (but here's the tricky part)--as you are at the ENTRY point of the relationship.

I firmly believe--with 100% conviction-- that changing the person you are and have always been due to the imposed insecurities of another is nothing more than emotional upheaval .  Lets' just  go ahead and put it out there.  No one should be held emotionally accountable for another person's happiness.  Nor should anyone feel forced to succumb to ego stroking because another allows self-imposed insecurities to beat the life out of them.  Insecurities and jealousy result in no more than a vicious, time-consuming, negative cycle of events that suck the life out of any relationship it is unfortunate enough to touch.  Causing a relationship of co-dependence instead of a relationship of independence--which is the relationship that has a sound foundation a future can be based upon.


Now I am a person who says what they mean and mean what they say. I am never dishonest. I make a consistent effort to reveal to my significant other the innermost workings of my mind.   Even if it may be something that he/she may not want to know..Being that I do this consistently, in all honesty, I expect no less than what I am providing to my mate or putting into the atmosphere spiritually.

A relationship doesn't mean you ending who you are as a person.  It is suppose to aid you to grow and to help you to slowly develop into a more mature, wiser person. It doesn't completely define--it compliments you.  But most importantly, IT DOESN' T cause you to change into something that you are not in order to provide happiness to another.  A mate's lack of confidence does.

For those of you who do believe that relationships signify the end of all things, look deep within yourself.  Attempt to figure out what it is that causes your soul to be so dependent on another person's presence or approval.  My father always told me that ANY action taken without first taking a moment for silent reflection causes a person to impose unrealistic views on someone that they claim to love and care for.

I--for one-- do not feel I should have to give up every male friend that I have acquired over the years merely because I have an insecure mate.  I would never ask someone to do this. Because I have a full understanding that a healthy relationship is one that allows two people to be individuals, yet uniquely come together as one from time to time.   With that being said--the man I devote my life to always knows he is my top priority. He knows that no one other than family will ever come before him.  He is even aware that there are certain family members that will have to wait along the sidelines at times when I am catering to him.

Now, I am nothing near what you would call the typical "Hollywood", pin-thin sterotype.  Never have been.  That is what sets me aside from the rest.  I am that intellectual, individual, beautiful, thick, golden-eyed, Cuban/Black around the way girl.  But I can guarantee that I love me.  I can garantee that if I'm your girl--I will make it my mission--every night you lay your head to rest and every morning that you lift your head to rise--you will have a smile upon your face from the happiness that I will provide to you as your lady.  I know the king that you are--you don't have to say a word--as long as you are willing to understand that I too aim to be your queen.

What are your views on this?

Hi Shrtyfrm,
I think this is supposed to be in "general Disscusion", if it is they will move it.
I agree with you 100%. I have been married 4 times in 22 years. I never went in a relationship thinking anything would change. I was young and dumb at first. Then you learn, things do change. You do grow older and wiser, but you don't change who you are, I should say I didn't change who I was. They did. I don't want to catorgorize all men in the same way, so I don't. But my men did. It was ok for friends in the begining, but not toward the end. They were insecure. But it is my 4 kids who come before EVERYONE. They had, and some of my friends now, have a problem with that. My kids came 1st the day I concieved my first one. They are 18, 17, 15, &14. I only have 4 1/2 years with them until they are all graduated and legal. It's not a long time.The last 18 years flew by in 6 years. They don't understand.
You didn't mention kids, but I'm sure whatever your "project" is, is just as important.
The one thing that I ALWAYS am, is true to myself. No one can ever make me feel less of a person as long as I love my self 1st and believe in what I'm doing.
I'm sending you big hugs and prayers if this really was a hug question and I missed it. Good luck to you always. Kar

yeah me too ...i agree with you one hundred percent ...you are on the same situation with my friend...an insecure partner who wants to change her and not accept her imperfections...the guys was the one who chose to be with her incessantly always at her foot like a dog and when something happened to his career which was his own doing he pointed the fingers on her...that its her fault...wow haha what a prick...so everybody thinks that its her fault and everybody blames it on her...coz the guy has a good boy image and well liked by all

its a good thing my friend has a positive attitude in life that she just lay it on God's hand...and she believes that if a person really loves you...he wouldnt change you but be a guide to be a better person...patient enough to wait and allow her to change for him and not to force his will on her...

sweetie here is a huge hug... much love and huggies

Everyone around this forum emmits such good positive energy I am drawn here like a moth is to a flame.  Thanks for all of your wonderful posts.  I havea tendency to be a bit long winded with my post, so I really appreciate someone took the time to read it.  HUGZ