Hi,

I'm already in my 7th year in uni. Yep, you've heard it right: 7 long years, and I'm not even in my final year yet. Am taking an arts course, to be specific design and animation related, and it's been one long struggle with having to start on the assignments, let alone submit them.

So after one too many failures, my parents finally took me to see the doctor last year, and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Took time off from uni to go on medication for a few months, and then suddenly quit because of the side effects; they made me gain weight (which reduced my self-esteem and induced more depression), and there were no significant improvements to be seen, not to mention that it was expensive.

Am back at uni now, and this is already the last week of the semester before the final exams start. I just had my final presentation yesterday, and have got two assignment submissions this Friday, in addition to another two this coming Monday, and let's not forget the pending four I haven't submitted previously.

I'm sick of running away from the problems at hand, and I'm sick of giving up without even an effort. It's a vicious cycle really: I run away from doing the assignments coz of fear of inadequacy (what if I'm just not good enough to live up to the lecturer's expectations?), lack of focus and poor time management, and when I escape from the submission dateline I just end up feeling worse and worse. It was something close to a miracle that I actually showed up in class for the final presentation, albeit with one of the worst works around.

I wouldn't have made it through yesterday if it weren't for my family's support. They've been incredibly supportive of me these past few days leading up to the final presentation; they've placed so much faith in me, and I love them so much, that my greatest form of gratitude would be to let them see me receive my scroll up there on graduation day. But at this rate, I'm so scared of failing my core subject, and I know that my dad will force me to quit uni for good if it happens.

I'm crying even as I write this for I've reached an absolute crossroad in life. I fear that it may have been too late to rectify my current situation, and I keep vacillating between thoughts of passing and failing. I can't imagine how disappointed my family's faces would be if I failed this time after all they've done for me. At the same time, if I did pass and continue, I fear that the same vicious cycle will repeat itself over and over again.

I honestly need of a hug. Thanks for hearing me out here.

You need a very big Grandpa hug a verry big one and all the comfort and "love" I can give you.

If you have got the diagnose Bipolar Disorder, then there is only one thing that works....treatment.

I am fully aware that you will "suffer" more from the medicine and that some of the bi effect might be not that favourable, but if you don't take them you will be more and more eaten by the illness until you have no control over yourself and your actions.

You need to take contact with all that can help you....you need to put your life into regularity.....you need to have much  training....relaxation...regular sleep and so on.
You must be open to try out different kind of medicine and try to approach this illness with what you can manage of positivity and fighting spirit.
There is a lot of people who get it...and many people have lived with it in an almost normal life situation.
The hard part is to admit that you need the treatment and work with the helpers and not against them.

I include a link to a forum which can give support and where you can read about it.

http://www.bipolarsupport.org/modules.php?name=Forums

I give you all my best wishes, I even have tears for you.....must you get the power to fight it!

here is a huge hug for u sweetie i know u can do it i have faith in u keep your head up and keep reaching for the stars and u will succeed in everything u do..im sending u some positive energy, stay strong and believe in yourself, just remember we here at mystic board and your family have lots of love for u and believe in you. huggies

I am sending a whole package of my HUGE hugs for you, hun - I truly believe that you CAN and WILL succeed with your dreams and ambitions.  Make sure that the Uni are fully aware of your situation and call on them for help with getting organised.  Would it help you to look at the mass of work that is facing you not as a whole but rather as smaller, easier to manage, tasks?  It works for me and I don't feel so overwhelmed by everything if I break things into small (very small) steps.

My thoughts are with you and am sending positive energy your way to try to help you through ... You are very special and strong ... believe in yourself.

Brightest Blessings

Sarah

Here is a BIG HUGE ((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))) from me!
I agree with Sarah...you are VERY special and strong!
Believe!!!!