I know I'm new here, but I just need to vent/cry/whine for a minute. It's going to be long and rambling. feel free to ignore - I just need to get it out.

I don't know if its the fact that we haven't seen the sun in 5 days - or just because I'm in a mood. I am so down over the last few days and everything is bothering me. My DH and I have been at odds for days. I've had it with his questioning my judgment on who can care for our 6 month old or how to handle what little money we have. He refuses to search out dependable childcare or to handle the bills. HIs idea of childcare is to drive 40 minutes out of the way, each way, for his family to watch our son. Yeah - that didn't work in the beginning. They tend to take our son out and never tell us, feed him way more than he needs - and then complain that all he does is spit up. Geee maybe try comforting him with something other than a bottle? Heck FIL even told DH once that SIL is better able to care for my son then me - because she's a nurse. DH wonders why I don't want to be around them. I hate that I work 2 jobs. Job #2 gave me a guilt trip yesterday about leaving. Let's see - I've been in a separate office area from last August till this august when they moved to the new building. Yet I still can't work at my computer station and if i finish what I'm working on - they have to find work most days. I just don't feel that I'm necessary. The only plus to it is that I can take my son with me. This week I've had a very hard time being separated from my son. I just want him with me and can't stand the fact that my DH is carting him all over the place with IL's that think they can do whatever they please. My own mom doesn't do that. She may not agree with all my choices, but she respects my decisions. Today is dragging unbelievably and I'm so upset because DH will be home with DS when he pleases. I've asked and explained and begged for him to understand that I need to nurse DS when I get home. I've not been able to breastfeed him 100% and it kills me. I've tried every supplement I researched.. nothing works.  I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I particularly like my DH. His selfishness has just eaten away at me and his negativity brings me down even more.  I realized yesterday that he never does anything FOR me, just for the heck of it. He works, comes home, watches TV, changes DS and thats about it. I feed, settle DS to sleep, clean, cook, manage the house. DH will ocassionally do laundry - but only his things and never a full load. His reason? He doesn't have time to wait and sort thru everything before he goes to bed. He always tells me he values me and loves me and doesn't want to lose me. But they are empty words. His actions speak louder and his actions say he'd rather have a parent then a partner. Oh and every 7-10 days he gets in a mood and takes t out on me and is an absolute jerk. Some of the thngs he's come out with are rather interesting in that they actually pass his lips before he rethinks it. He always apologizes after - but again, it's just empty words, it means nothing. I just want to crawl under the covers and  

I think most of us can relate with you there, or could at one time or another. Keep your chin up. A lot of what is bothering you could stem from the changes going on inside after giving birth. It helps to vent and know that others can commiserate (sp) so vent away!!! I will keep you in my prayers and with the very best for you and your family.

hi sweete u can vent all u want, we are here for u, katie is right we can all relate, stay positive and i hope everything gets better for u here is one of my huge hugs

Boy ohh boy....let me start with a big Grandpa hug.....even if I think you need much more then that.

You have started to enter the negative circle and that lead only one way.......down.

I think you must start evaluate your situation....think out reasonable thing...then demand a talk with DH and say that shall this relationship work...then you have to do so and so.....the same goes for your family in law.....you have to show reasonable demands and say that you are the one who shall live with your baby....they help you....but they need to help in a way that benefit you all.

The main thing is to get back on the positive track, if you manage this....then you will be able to do your two work and your work at home....if not....you will feel lost and nothing will help in the long run.

Another big hug.....and lots of good luck!

thanks for the support

In general I am a very positive person. When faced with a challenging situation I usually just deal with it and move on. My Dh has just drained me this week and I'm hoping for some sunshine to help me recharge. It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow - and a whopping 94degrees. I'll be recharged with sunlight and drained from the heat, lol. I really need to come to grips with him taking DS all over the are today. I know he's taking him to his great-aunts house which has been in the family since 1918. However DH's aunt is finally selling it and DH wanted pics of DS in the house. He'd have been the only baby not in the house otherwise. I just keep reminding myself that it's important to him. I think I'm being irrational with my bad mood. I hate being like this. As far as everything else with him? I've talked and talked and nothing changes. As long as his needs are met he's happy. Take him out of his comfort zone and he's nasty.

the IL's I do try and cope with. they are the way they are and thats why I like living 40minutes away. I think it just drives them crazy that we don't ask for help with DS. I have been blessed with a very happy - mostly calm baby. He's very rarely too much for me and I give thanks every day for my good luck with  a baby like him. SIL however lived with them when her daughter was born. She uses them all the time for everything. That's just not me... besides I enjoy being with my son. SIL admits that she was done by the time her daughter was 6months old and wanted the peace and quiet.

I should also mention that my primary job is draining me as well. We are not allowed to tell patients that they can't come in. But we can't say that either. Imagine having a full schedule. Then add in ohhh about 20 patients that want to come in when they want... but they don't want to wait as thats no convenient for them. (emergency visits are different - none of these were) the morning was insane and I'm not even at the front desk dealing with it.