I never ever post anything about my life or my misfortunes b/c i hate feeling sorry for myself and having ppl feel sorry for me. But lately i dont know what else to do. i feel like im lost and have no direction and my world is slowly falling down on me. I am 27 yrs old and i have 3 children whom i raise by myself. I am married, but my husband left me in november b/c he was tired of all the arguing we did, which resulted to him never being home b/c he'd rather be at the bars or w/ his friends. I have a 7 yr old boy who has ADHD and is extremely angry w/ the world, just lashes out w/ mean behavior causing me to be mean and yell at him and say horrible things i dont mean. I have a 2 yr old boy who throws the worst temper tantrums and is very clingy to me and never gives me a moments peace. and last, i have a 2 month old daughter who never stops crying and when she finally sleeps, it seems restless and uncomfortable, keeping me from getting sleep b/c i just know she will be waking up at any minute. My husband left me when i was 2 months pregnant w/ our daughter and sees the children everyother weekend. Money is tight, im not working right now and havnt been for 2 1/2 yrs b/c of the kids. at first he was making good money. i get his whole paycheck and pay all HIS bills w/ it and take whats left for me and the kids. when he left, he left all his bills and i take the time to pay them for him even though i do not have to, my name is on nothing except my own little things. the house is his but i live in it and continue to pay HIS mortgage for him on time every month. the last few paychecks hes been getting have been $1000 short of what he usually makes causing problems getting bills paid and groceries in the house.. its been 2 months since ive been grocery shopping b/c the money just hasnt been there. but this isnt about the money, its about me feeling like i dont want any part w/ my kids, like im going thru some type of depression and yes, i have heard of post partum depression and i have an appt to see a dr on wednesday, but i just dont feel like this is worth it anymore.

on a brighter note, they are two guys who are interested in me, and im interested in both.. they do not know about each other and its not serious w/ either one yet anyway, but now i dont know what to do or who to choose or whos right for me or which one is better. im a pisces and one is a virgo and the other a libra. dont know if that matters, but i thought id put that out there. i do not see either one of them, its just over the phone and text messages for now.  im stuck b/c i dont even know if i wanna even be bothered w/ this at all and i cant tell if its b/c im depressed or what. i literally feel pain in my head. a bad headache that wont go away. i had everything i ever wanted in my life just a year ago and it was taking away from me just as fast as i was blessed w/ it. now im a different person, more angry and violent. i dont know what to do anymore and im about to just give up  b/c it would be so much easier. there are alot more things bothering me regarding these issues, but i cant even sit here and do it anymore, just writing all of this makes me sick. but thanks for listening anyway.. i dont even know why i posted this!

Yes you really need a big Grandpa hug.....your story is hard and I can understand that you many a time can be frustrated.
But if you look at it this way, then it seems it was good your husband left. This I say because he didn't do anything positive in your relation, and the fact that he ran out with his "friends" instead of helping you lead to frustration for both parts....this might then be picked up by the kids...which again can lead to frustration by them.
The arrangement you have now is not ideal, but at least they don't see the quarrel.

It's very important that you search for all positive energies you can find. As I have stated to many before....negativity burn your energy and makes you last shorter.
It also prevent you from meeting people with positive attitude because they avoid negativity...because they can feel the consume of their energy.

For those 2 you are talking to by phone and messages. Be careful to build to high expectation....if it fail and you have build air castles then it will bring you down in the cellar. Take everything positive you can get from the relation....but be aware that it might just be a flirt or that they have no thoughts about commitment.

I really hope life will smile to you soon....but in the meantime all I can give is another Grandpa Huuuugggg!

I am sending you a HUGE hug - I hope it will combine with the hugs from Rhuto and Evie, and their brilliant advice.

You ARE strong - believe in yourself but also seek and accept what help is available ... you are not alone and you don't have to cope alone.  By accepting help and support, you are not failing ... just the opposite.  It takes strength to admit that things are getting tough and to seek support.  You have made a brilliant start here - keep it up ... that's what we are here for.

Another set of HUGE hugs for you and your family.

Brightest Blessings

Sarah

My hat goes off to you.  I am a single parent also and at times when I am stressed I sometimes feel all alone.  Know that giving up is not an option.  Also know that for what ever reason we create what is going on in our life.  So consider this point a time for growth and know that you are up to the challange.  When you get through it you will be proud of the progress that you have made as a person.  That's great that you are going to seek a doctor's help also ask him to refer you to a social worker whom might might be able to offer support or other suggestions to lessen the stress.  No matter how chaotic it may seem picture the life that you want to the finest detail.  Don't worry about how you are going to get there just picture what you would like your end result to be.  Do this first thing in the morning before getting out of bed..Through out the day when time permits and at night before falling asleep.  Picture every-detail.  Good Luck
Todd