Hi TL - sorry I have not contacted you for a while ... that is not to say you have not been in my thoughts daily - you have been.  I am so very sorry to hear what has happened but I believe it will have happened for a reason, not yet clear what that is, but you will come back ... stronger and more in control at the end of it.

I also echo Libby's advice about being falsely accused - try it and refuse to shoulder the blame, mentally send the blame to where it rightly belongs, but do so without malice.

Brightest Blessings

Sarah

I am sad to hear that Child protection issues continue to dog you.  MY thoughts are with you, a large hug and i echo all thats been said before, you need to be strong for your kids.  You will be shown to be right, its just taking time.

Suzi

Hi angelmama, well this does bring back memories for me......Its hard to tell someone how they should feel or act...but what you really need is to stand up and believe in yourself first...my struggle is still going on after 15 years but believe me its worth everything.....my ex cannot have anymore access but my child still suffers just like as if he was there....I tried councelling for 11 years and have had a few idiots try and understand when they themselves had no children....
The last woman I found was fantastic...there was no BS.... she spoke to my son first and then together....what she got us to do is actually take it in turns infront of one another to say what actually happened in the past and how it made each of us feel....the brilliant idea of when it came my turn to explain what I went through to protect my child/children she wrote it down and the following week it would be typed up like a chapter in a book....so for every visit we did another chapter got added...he then had to bring it home and read it in his own time....I can't explain the difference it made from then on....don't get me wrong we still have our moments of nightmares....verbal abuse from my son etc....but every now and then I remind him to go read the chapters again....so he could understand what I went through to protect him....
It was a chance for my son to really know that I went through hell and back to protect him from that monster.....
we found out later in some of the sessions that he did blame me for most of it...why would his mummy give him over to his father when she knew what was going on...........that's when I explain to my son that I had no choice the judge made me hand him over and there was nothing I could do to stop it......
after 3 months of unsupervised access we were back in court and the judge tried to apologise to me for the order he made priviously....all I could say was "I hope you sleep at night because my child doesnt"
he can never contact us again......
but it took me a long time for that to happen.....
I dont know much about the ins and outs of your situation but if you ever want to send me a private message and talk more indepth please do so.....
I feel for you and if I could give you the biggest HUG I would.....so here goes.
You need to be proud and protect your child with every breath that you have.......I also know that you want to be near him at all times to make sure he is safe...but sometimes its not the answer.....any kid plays up when mums around....but in situations like this maybe just let him be a kid at school and your baby at home....if you know what I mean...
Talk to the school...you should be able to work with them but not actually in school grounds.....talk to them on a regular basis.....when people dont understand a situation fully they can be very cruel......
Another mistake I made was I tried to wrap him in cotton wool but in the end all I did was made him feel bad...he felt like he wasnt worth anything....so I set ground rules from an early age and treated him the same as the other children (I have 4)
All you can do is give him lots of love and attention.....you're the only one who will be there to pick up the pieces when they need to be picked up.
Be strong........write everything down that happens in diary...and I mean every little bit of info goes in that diary as a record....you probably think no one is listening but believe me in the end they will.....have all that information writing down and they wont have a choice but to do something.....you must explain what you child is like when he gets back....what mood swings he has....anything he might mention about the time spent with his father....and anything else that is relevant  to it.....
my son is 15 now and he still has nightmares and his moods change drastically but all I can do is tell him everything will be alright...no one can ever hurt him again....
I dont know if I have made any sense to you but I have so much in my head right now from what your going through that my heart aches...
keep smiling, dont let this person destroy you ....
HUGE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

push through, eventually through all the pain and suffering you'll figure out a way to make this better on your own