EQUALITY OR IS IT?, Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 5109 · Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 8:13 am

Sharing....

Hi all,

Equality or Is it?

I was bidding good bye to my wife as I started my car to leave for
office. The practice of bringing the lunch box to office was recent.
My mother and wife used to either get up early or cook last evening.
As I drove, I thought of today’s morning:-

“She slept late last night. Today she got up early to cook. Breakfast
and other chores. I got up an hour after her. She and my mother were
still struggling with the house work and it was already 9:00 AM. Her
office starts at 9:30 AM.”

Yes, she is a working woman. In fact, her job hours are more strenuous
than mine.
I stopped bringing lunch from the next day. Is that the solution? I
don’t know. Probably Not.

But several thoughts still persisted. I was thinking: -
Are the females in India treated in the same way as males, even in the
small % which is called the educated class?
As a matter of fact, these things which I am thinking now might have
persisted from a long time. It was probably the same with my mother.
But when I was young, I didn’t even think about these things. Was I
naïve or did I just take it for granted? I don’t know.
I became very restless. The traffic was thin but my mind was
completely engrossed. Certain changes that have happened over the past
year in my life after marriage – in my life and more importantly in my
wife’s life: -
From the day, my wife came to my place she is expected to call my
parents - Ma and Baba. Good. It builds family union probably. Am I
comfortable in calling her parents by these names? I don’t think so.
The above point - does it even matter? The Female comes to the male’s
home after marriage. Isn’t it? Why? I don’t know. Probably females are
supposed to. Why are they supposed to? Who cares? Does the question
bother me? Probably Yes.

Once in the evening, I wanted to meet a friend. I told my wife and
parents that I will come back in an hour. I didn’t even bother to
share the details about where I was going. Now I am thinking – Can she
go out of the house just like that? I don’t know. Probably not.
Why not? Does she need protection all the time? Has she ever asked for
this protection? I don’t think so.
If I think that I will have to go and live in someone’s house, I will
rather die but go. I cannot survive like that. I love my freedom. I
can’t give explanation of my life to anyone.

But, isn’t it true for everyone? Doesn’t everybody love his/her
freedom irrespective of gender? Probably yes.
Then why is it so different for females? Are we not brainwashing the
fairer sex from childhood? Are we not preparing them for the
inevitable? I don’t know. Probably yes.

Few years before – I was in Bangalore. I met a colleague’s brother in
law. He was still unmarried and we were talking about marriage in
general. He said – “bhai, apna funda to simple hai. Main yahan akele
rehta hoon. Bahar ka khana kha kha ke pak gaya hoon. Wo aayegi to roti
shoti bana degi. Jeena aasan ho jaayega”.
Did I care much then about this comment? Probably not. Do I today?
Probably yes. Was it the first time that I sensed these beliefs and
many more? No. I have heard things like these many times. And the
reasons have been umpteen too. Starting from the need of a Sushil
Grahani to support the male’s parents and house, the reasons have
lingered to fulfilling the carnal desires of a man. There is just no
end.
Today I look very towards these beliefs and its mindset with surprise.
Have we really grown up? Probably Not.

There is one more practice which disturbs me. During marriages, I have
noticed the distinct difference in the way; the male relatives and the
female relatives behave. There is an inherent expectation from the
female relatives to behave in a particular manner. The male side is
supposedly the boss.

Are they really? Is it a sin to get a daughter married? I don’t know.
This is the way it happens. Why? I don’t know. Do I like it? I don’t
think so.
So, who is responsible for these anomalies (if we consider them
anomalies)? Is it the Male or Female or parents or society? Who is it?
I don’t know. Probably we all are. Every single individual.

Do I have options? Can I do something? Probably Yes.

What can I do?
I can question the obvious. No more accepting the obvious.

· I can make changes with my own expectations

· I can fight for her. Can I? Does she need my support all the
time? Is she weak? No. Then?

o I can stand by her and let her travel her own journey with confidence.

· I can write these thoughts on paper.

Posts: 5686 · Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 2:22 pm

Its nice to know that a male would have these thoughts. Females often assume males thoughts and particularly on the matter of control of the female.

Posts: 5109 · Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 12:04 pm

Dear Madam,

The above post was made in another forum by a Girl of 29/30 and I replied to her as under:

Shikhaji,

What you written is indeed moving and sometimes I too feel guilty but what does this happen. Women need to think over it. When a male child is born to Mother then she is most happy and gives so much importance to her male child than to the female child. Why? This starts the whole process and well nowadays there are couples where both man and woman do their share of work for the house but often it is as you have written.

Pravin Kumar

Her reply:

Dear Pravinji,

Thank you for ur kind words.

I so wish if I could pen down my thoughts as beautifully as the articles that I read and share but unfortunately, it will take some more time:-)

I read it, and being a female, it obviously resonated with me well and I shared.

With due respect to your thoughts, I would like to mention that for a mother, her child, be it a male or female, is equally precious. This concept of giving more importance to male child never comes from a mother BUT from her in-laws side. And exceptions are always there. This is not to offend anybody but just acknowledging the obvious

I sooo much want to write more here but am sure that would spark the debate

But would definitely like to say that by all means, Females are presented with much more responsibilities, expectations and challenges in life as compared to Men.

So guys in short, you have no option but to acknowledge the obvious.. hahaha..

Thiiiikkkkkkaaaaeee e.....

God Bless
Shikha

Shikhaji,

I do not deny what you have written is right. I agree it is right but the cause of all this is the Women themselves. I speak through experience and now I give some points here:

I was only 12 when I was listening to a Spiritual Satsang in Arya Samaj with my Grandfather. The speaker was the Late Prakash Vir Shastri , Congress MLA and a very respected spiritual person. The speech was very inspiring and the words he spoke which I cannot forget are thus: "AURAT HI AURAT KI DUSHMAN HAI" . He gave many examples but these are the few: When a daughter in law comes in the house there are so many questions: What has she brought with her, the quality of ornaments, clothes, gifts etc. etc. and the list is long. Criticism starts and friction is generated and for a sensitive girl it is very difficult but if she is a professional it would become intolerant.

Secondly I remember when I was young, my own sister, who is genius in whatever she did: Studies, Dramatics, Dancing etc. etc. She asked this to my mother: Why is it that more importance is given to Boys. Replied my mother whom we all respect and admire the most: Bete Beton ke saath Vansh Aage badta hai. I hope you get my point. The moment Mothers start giving more importance to girls the ego of the boy will subside.

I have travelled all the country. In Mizoram, Nagaland, Meghalay (and probably in Arunahcal but cannot be sure) and in Bhutan the children are named after their mothers and not fathers. Why I asked a Businesswoman who had 5 daughters and not a single son. She said here the boy marries and goes to the girl's house after marriage and has to care for his inlaws. Are you laughing? This is true. There she said Girls are above boys. In the discussion I just asked her: Have you seen Bombay? She replied (Her husband had just dropped in. He was working in Customs). My husband had gone to Bombay but he did not take me there. That is what I said the superiority of the male. Why has he to take you to Bombay. Why not you take him to Bombay or on world trip or whatever it is.

In the other States I mentioned above it is the women who do business and men do nothing but play and drink and smoke etc. etc. Again children are given name after their mothers. One of my very Senior Business Associate (Punjabi) staying in Kohima had this to tell me about the above: He said Nagaland, Meghalaya and Mizoram have Free Sex i.e. Sex between Man and Woman are very common and accepted as in Western Countries. If a child is born to a lady then how can she say who is the father. So the name of the child is alongwith his/her mother's name.

Off course there are exceptions everywhere but in majority cases the above stands true. In today's life professional girls have put a condition that they won't live with in laws. I was searching for a girl for my son and this is what he told me. Girls do not want to live with their in laws at all but they want their parents to visit them. So what you have written is soon changing and where does it lead us. Our Indian Culture is getting destroyed gradually. Either what was happening long time back is good or the present method is good. Which has happier ending? We are only aping the West. In west when some old person dies. The concerned authorities are informed. They come , take the body and the matter ends. This is what it will lead to gradually in our country too. Previously there was so much of love for one's sisters. Brothers would make it a point to go his sister's house (after her marriage) to get a Rakhi from her and promised to protect her. There are so many other ways showing love for one's Parents, brothers and sisters. All that is getting diluted now.

It is like Coin. You have two sides to it. Which one is better is for us to decide and follow. Where it leads us will give us the answer to the above question when we experience it in our life.

Pravin Kumar

Posts: 85 · Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2010 11:50 pm

This is a very interesting viewpoint. I was born and raised in usa in places where contact with other cultures have been scarce. We have equality between the sexes, more or less. Women are still primarily responsible for childcare and housework as well as having professional careers. Women are educated and free to choose their profession, wether or not to have children, to marry or not. Yes, there can be a lack of familial support at times, but neither are they bound by tradition or social limitations.

Posts: 5686 · Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:11 pm

It would appear that the perfect model has not yet been found (certainly to everyone's satisfaction). While patterns work to some extent, it is also true that repeatable patterns of abuse and control are also not good either.

I follow a religion that has a particular principle: Personal Responsibility.

This is applied to both genders. Perhaps it is time to seek out dialogue and allow all to express what they want from their marriages and life.

No one should be denied care and love. But you can not legislate love any more than care to the elderly or each other. Because children choose to lead their own lives, does not mean they have abandoned their parent. And the parents have responsibility for their own lives.