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Pravin Kumar
Age: 63 Zodiac: 
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 Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 7:15 am |
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I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart.
Albany Bach Reid
At age thirty-two, I had just about given up on ever getting married. Over the years, I'd had numerous relationships. Some were wonderful--and some were real disasters. About the only thing they had in common was that they all ended.
The entire relationship and dating scene was wearing me down. I was tired of relationships with no potential. I was weary of putting my heart out there and getting it smashed. Getting married was starting to look like it wasn't in the stars for me.
Giving up on marriage was one thing. But I wouldn't, and couldn't, give up on my heart. I wanted to love and be loved. I needed to nourish my heart in a way that even my best-intentioned friends and family members hadn't done for me.
I needed a dog.
Soon, on an afternoon in early May, I found myself peering into a pen on a friend's farm, studying a litter of eight black and white puppies who were playing on and around their mother, a champion Border collie. The puppies were six weeks old and as cute as only puppies can be. I slid through the door and sat down. The puppies, wiggling with excitement and apprehension, quickly jitterbugged over to the safety of their mother's side. All except one.
The littlest one, an almost all-black ball of downy fur with two white front paws and a white breast, came sidling over to me and crawled into my lap. I lifted her up and looked into her puppy-hazy brown eyes. It was instant love.
"Just remember, Puppy, you chose me, okay?" I whispered. That was the beginning of the longest successful relationship I've ever had.
I named my puppy Miso. The next weeks of a glorious early spring were spent basking in the glow of literal puppy love while housebreaking, training and establishing new routines. When I look back, that whole spring and summer was spent incorporating her into my life and me into hers.
Miso's Border collie heritage dictated lots of time outdoors, preferably running. I'd been eager to have company while I ran my almost-daily three to five miles in predawn darkness, and now I had a running buddy. Miso and I were out in all kinds of weather, rarely missing a day.
Weekends and evenings were spent in quiet, loving solitude with Miso. At my writing desk or art table, Miso would lie relaxed at my side and sigh with contentment. Anywhere I went, Miso came too: camping, swimming at a local lake on weekends, long car rides to my parents' home in the summer. If an activity precluded taking a dog along, I wasn't much interested in it anyway. We were a happy couple... inseparable and self-sufficient. My heart was nourished, and I felt content and full. We spent two years this way.
Looking back, it's remarkable that I met my husband-to-be at all. I certainly wasn't looking for Mr. Right anymore, not when I was so happy being a "single mom" to Miso. Bob just kind of popped into my life, or rather, our lives, because Miso was definitely impacted by Bob's appearance on the scene.
At first, Bob accepted Miso as part of the "package." Our dating consisted of lots of outdoor activities where Miso accompanied us easily. But as fall and winter approached, and Miso needed to be indoors more due to cold and wet weather, trouble brewed. Bob wasn't enthusiastic about dog hair or mud on the furniture and insisted that Miso stay outside when we spent time at his house.
Since the amount of time spent there was increasing, it bothered both Miso and me that she was required to stay outdoors. This was an uncomfortable blip on the radar screen of an otherwise growing and loving relationship with Bob.
A crisis point was reached one particularly cold January night. Bob insisted that Miso bunk out on the enclosed porch for the night, a location Miso and I felt was unacceptable considering the temperature. I argued that anything less than Miso's admittance to the basement was cruel and inhumane treatment. He argued that I was being unreasonable, and he felt I should respect his "house rules."
We went back and forth like two lawyers arguing a Supreme Court case. Things got heated. Tempers flared. We reached an impasse and stood, staring steely-eyed at each other.
The next thing I knew I heard my own voice, thick with emotion, declare, "Don't make me choose between you and Miso, because you may be in for an unpleasant surprise!"
Bob looked shocked, and in the face of my determination, wisely backed off.
Miso was admitted to the warm basement for the night. The entire indoor/outdoor Miso arrangement was renegotiated over the next couple days and we reached a satisfactory compromise for all three of us.
That crisis was a turning point. I realized I had issued my ultimatum in all seriousness. Bob realized that I did not solely depend on him for love and affection--I had loyalties beyond him. And Miso found her new place in my life, no longer my one-and-only, but as a beloved member of a family.
For that's what we became. Bob and I married, and soon our threesome became a foursome with the birth of our daughter.
Eleven years later, Miso is over fourteen years old. Partially blind and deaf, she suffers the infirmities of old age now, enduring diabetes and arthritis with dignity and grace. The relationship between Bob and Miso has undergone an amazing transformation.
Now I watch Bob tenderly guide Miso to find me when she has "misplaced me" in our house, and lovingly help her up the front steps on a rainy night. I believe Bob has grown to respect the debt he owes Miso. For Miso held a place ready in my life for Bob. She gave love a foothold.
There was never any need to choose between Bob and Miso--both had already laid claim to my heart.
Sometimes now I look into Miso's eyes, which see only shadows, and speak in her ear, though I know she no longer hears, and tell her once again: "Remember, you chose me."
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