Is it really freeing not to care?  I find relationships teach us many things about others and how that fits with ourselves, or not.  

I also find that we can make mistakes and gain forgiveness.  Or we can make mistakes and kill what might have been a wonderful relationship.  It all depends upon the two together as a dynamic.  Some just work and some just don't in all the visitations of life.

There is always a balance in life between 'what others say' and what we know is right for ourselves.  We cannot always ignore others' input, but we also do not have to live by someone else's rules.  Balance in all things is a key.

[quote="spiritalk"]
Is it really freeing not to care?  I find relationships teach us many things about others and how that fits with ourselves, or not.  

I also find that we can make mistakes and gain forgiveness.  Or we can make mistakes and kill what might have been a wonderful relationship.  It all depends upon the two together as a dynamic.  Some just work and some just don't in all the visitations of life.

There is always a balance in life between 'what others say' and what we know is right for ourselves.  We cannot always ignore others' input, but we also do not have to live by someone else's rules.  Balance in all things is a key.
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Maybe I haven't explained myself well, I didn't mean I'm never going to take in account the opinion or the people and I always gonna do whatever I want, I know there are rules in this world and I don't want to be an egoist either, it's just that now I won't hesitate between staying at home ot going out alone at night in the weekend if I feel I can have fun, I have done it in the last months and even if sometimes I would have prefered to have my friends by my side there have been others taht I know I have met great people just because I was on my own, being truly myself and not condicioned at all by my friends.

Of course some relationships are great and you just feel great to have them or have had them.

God hears you, I would have "killed" for keeping my friendship with my ex, I was so happy (having account the circumnstances) when we remain friends after the break-up I thought it was great and I felt very grateful for keeping her as my friend, I never have had that level of affinity and trust with someone. So when she changed her mind all of a sudden, it was such a blast, I mean it's very hard to lose your loved one but to lose a friend like her in the same month was even worse , I know that I'll never reach that level of affinity or trust with my actual friends, maybe I reach with new ones that I would met in the future, you never know but I just wish that once some time has passed we can recover our friendship, probably at low level but she's such a great person in very aspect (no matter how much harm she had done to me) that I would feel very happy to consider her a friend again, the problem is I'm not sure is a problem of forgiveness or something different, deeper than that, I just can't explain it well but it's just like before she needed me or was very comfortable with me (I know she was) and now I'm not interesting at all and any contact with me would be just a waste of time and money. Anyway, I guess time will tell.

Anyway, talking in general I guess you are right about balance you can't just live always on your own, in your own world forever, I know I don't want to, just sometimes I will do some things (go to a concert, go out, co to the cinema) that a lot of people could come to enjoy if they just try to do them alone at least once, anyway everybody is different and I respect all opinions, have no doubt about that.

Best wishes and love!

staying friends with your ex is not always a good idea

being friends with an ex-lover is neither easy nor simple, it requires a lot of mental maturity. you can't be friends with an ex if you still have feelings for them.  i used to be the kind of guy who would always try to stay friends with the ex however i realised that that is not always the best choice, it is always better to just let the things run their course.

I believe some people come into your life for a reason, for instance to teach you a leason that you need to learn in order to evolve and become a better/greater being, once they've done that, they leave because they of course have their own paths to follow and their paths can be very different to your own path. So, in cases like the one you've described i think the best thing to do is to just let things flow, in other words don't fight the tide.  

Well, of course I know it's not the best of the ideas being friends now (apart from the little detail that is impossible) what I said is that I would like to recover her as a friend in the future, the future could mean in some months or in years, I don't know when but I'm sure it could be possible only if both would have move on by then, she clearly had done it and I am the one who is still having trouble with it, I accept it but damn! She has had much better conditions to move on than me, I know little by little a I will recover and eventually don't care about her, or just care very little, ironically that would be the moment in which maybe we could be friends (not close of course) again. But about the feelings I can feel for her right now, make no mistake, is not the type of love that you think it is more like caring and thinking we really could be friends in the future, I know that we won't be a couple again ever, I have assumed that some time ago and I have no problem with that.

About teaching me a question for being a better person, well don't get me wrong but if I would have to answer you now the "lessons" I think this relationship have taught me, the last thing I would believe is that they are gonna make me a better person.

Let's start: I have learned that I can't trust ever anyone, it doesn't matter if its male (friends) or female(girlfriend), I have learned that my girlfriend should never be my best friend because if I lose her I don't lost one person I lost two at the same time, I have learned that I should have given her a damn Oscar because it had a lot of merit make me believe some things were one way when they were exactly the opposite (even if she did this for not hurting me), of course that lesson has also taught me that you can never relax yourself and be truly happy in a relationship because it could change drastically in 2 days without any explanation given and the person you think you knew can change into someone who only shares with her the name and physic, I have learned that when you put in a balance 2 years of mostly good things against some bad things and other stuff the value of the good things is obviously zero which means that even if you were a good friend (maybe one of the best) she had during those years you can be just someone who has make her feel comfortable in a cuestion of days without any explanation given, I have learned to hate people who I don't even know just for the little fact they can destroy (or help a lot to destroy) couples and friends just for fun, (obviously without feeling any remorse of it, why should they?), and I think this is all that I have learned, I am pretty sure I could find more interesting things I have learned but I think you can have an idea by now.

What I trying to say is that I don't think you have to suffer "Hell" to enjoy the "Heaven" but suffering "Hell" can make you believe you will never enjoy "Heaven". I know with time I'll get over this and become a fool that fall in love with someone without thinking in all the things I have put before but I really find it hard to believe I'll forget them all.

I'm sorry if was mean but I really think without knowing the details of the "double" break-up (let alone the entire relationship) it's a little daring to think I'm gonna be a better person or that she has just taught me a good lesson.

why are you so defensive? i understand that you might be emotionally unstable right now, but you shouldn't post your personal stuff on an open forum if you're not ready to listen/read other people's opinions and advices, i was only trying to help.