We have a huge tendency to give our Self-power away, to our past, our parents, to boyfriends/girlfriends, friends, teachers, bosses, the government, etc etc etc.

What we aren't always consciously taught is how to empower ourselves in our relationships.

Can you please share the situation and the way you empower yourself, instead of giving your power away?  I would appreciate it and I bet there are others here who would like to know also.
Thank you in advance.

Hi, Tourbi,

I actually don't think I have much of an answer for this, but I figured I'd dive in, start writing, and see if anything useful comes up (don't hold your breath!).

My first thought on reading your post was about something I happened to be thinking about yesterday--that, as I get older, it's just much easier for me to feel confident in myself, and not to let others' ways of seeing me make me feel that I need to change for their sake (unless I see that they have a valid point to make about me, and can allow myself to be thoughtful about how I might incorporate that into my life).

OK--this will sound a little odd to some of you (but not everyone--that's why I love MB so much!  ), but as I was writing this my "guide", David, was trying to get my attention.  This is what he said,

"You don't have to be better than anyone else; you just have to live outside the fear of being judged." That, I believe, is pretty much verbatim (it's hard to read sometimes!), and it makes a lot of sense to me.  (Good to have someone around to come up with good ideas when I'm not likely to have one of my own!)  His main "work" with me, so far, involves trying to teach me to love myself, not to second-guess myself, and not let being hurt or upset cause me to lose control of my temper--being able to let the "little" things go, even if they SEEM huge at the time.  It's saved me from doing some serious damage to otherwise reparable (is that a word?--asks the writer) relationships that are just going through difficult times.

For me, then, I guess, empowering myself has to do with the ongoing, no-doubt lifelong process of learning to be comfortable enough in my own skin so that I can be loving and open without being this "raw nerve" who can't stand perceived judgement at all.  Trying to consistently do things like exercising (David's big on my getting out of the house and taking walks outside when my own impulse would be to sit in front of the computer all day), taking good care of my son, trying to be creative, eating well, and not drinking too much (another big one for D.!), is what allows me to get closer to that goal on a daily basis.  When I can wake up in the morning and remember that I did something good like that the day before, I find it easier to go out into the world without feeling that I'm at anyone's mercy.

Oh--and these days I feel loved--unconditionally.  That can't hurt!

As always, I wrote a lot more than I thought I would--I hope some of it made sense!

Doe

Makes good sense to me and some good advice that is pro active.
Yes, this is not about being better than anyone else.  Being self empowered it being the best me I can be and giving you room to be the best you you can be.
I like that you showed actions to take to help empower the rest of ourselves.
Thank you.

Doe, i enjoyed what you said.
I am inspired by what David said to you.
There are three things i find i am empowered by.
1) Controlling my temper. (to win the war, there will always be battles lost)
2) NOT judging others. (there is something about accepting another that allows me to accept myself deeper)
3) Sharing love with those around me (even if I do not know them)ex. If i am having a bad day, somtimes telling someone in a store they have a nice smile, smell good, or helping them find the item they are looking for, brightens my day because i get up out of myself long enough to see the world IS still a friendly place.  Nothing beats sharing love with my family, though.
In my opinion, the power of love is the most empowering.

Purple Spirit,

(Yeah--David has a way of just tossing that stuff off when I myself am at a total loss!  VERY annoying...  )

As to your points:

1.  Ditto (BIG ditto--that's a hard one for me, but you're right about the battle/war analogy!)

2.  Ditto--that's SO important, and, again, not so easy to accomplish!

3.  YES!!!  I do the same thing lately, and it makes me feel so good, especially when I can see that I really brightened someone's day, out of the blue!  (And I DO actually tell people the truth when I say something nice about them, which in turn kind of gets me in the habit of actively LOOKING for good things in others.)

And I'm in total agreement about what love can do, when we find ways to express it.

Doe