I thought that this was something that we all could share in how we feel about our selves, I always seem to feel sad because I don't have anything in my life that will pick me up, it's just me, myself and I, so I guess I should be happy with that, I haven't forgotten that I have friends here, but to me thats not the same as having someone to talk to.

Hello Samson,  

I don't like seeing ppl sad... I know what you mean... I didn't like my self for along time.. I've learned how to changed that about my self...  In real life I do like to keep to my self... But when I want to know something I go and ask..lol I use to be really, really shy.. My husband use to be also until he met me and my mother..LOL I guess I have her to thank for getting me out of my shell...  Well when we moved to Maine. My Husband fond a group about Haunted houses and ghosts, and met new friends. Me, I'm still looking for a group of ppl who like things I like, and what not..
I didn't join his group because I see them and don't think anything of it.. As he's a new beginner about all of this, He needs to find about it on his own... I don't call them ghosts I call them spirits, my friends who help me in every day life... Is there a group near you, where you can join in on~? Like crafts if your into that~?

I want to learn welding meddle, and create my own things for my home... And some how learn how to Design my own flags for companies.... I know what I have in mind. It's getting to point A- to point B... rofl@Me~!!

You sound like a really nice person. I hope you find happiness in your life... Stay true to your self and think positive~!!

Hugs,
`Nicolè´

I was married once to a person who I thought loved me, but what I found wasn't love. We were trying for a baby for about 12 months but nothing come of it so I went to see a doctor and had some tests done and found that I could never father children, my wife at that time couldn't except that and our relationship went down the drain, she must of really hated me for that because I found her sleeping with one of her x boyfriends two weeks after I was told the bad news. So I don't see life as fair, I always wanted to be a Dad to at least one child, I'll never know what thats going to be like.

samson,

this is my take on this all. for along time i didn't like myself either. i wasn't comfortable in my own skin . i couldn't sit still because my mind would race. i had a problem with drugs and alcohol for a long time. i hit a very low point in my life were all hope was gone. i lived under a bridge with my cat. i thought if it was up to me to help myself i was really screwed. i had no friends and i didn't talk to my family.  

my life is not that now. i know that all of that was what i was suppose to go through to make me who i am. and i couldn't recognize this until i was ready.

we all have lessons to learn here. sometimes we can see them, but sometimes we keep repeating them until we finally see it. i have a home, i'm very close to the family i walked out on. i'm married and i'm the best employee that i can be. i don't let people down anymore and if i say i will do something i will. i do not drink or do drugs and i haven't for over four years. and i take very good care of my cat he's taught me a lot about unconditional love. i don't see myself as anything but an ordinary person and that's okay today. i always wanted to be special or magic. but the real magic is being grateful for what you have and seeing that you are blessed. ppl have it far worse than i ever did and there heart still shines so bright. now that's a special person. the point is that i'm comfortable in my own skin now, i don't hate myself anymore and at the end of the day i'm at peace. something that wouldn't be a big deal to most was one of the lesson that i needed to learn.
you can come here and ask a million questions and get a lot of answers. ppl can read you and tell you things that you probably already know about yourself. but your still going to be searching for something. you might find someone whose gifted enough to tell you what that is. but they can't save you from yourself. i don't know what your lessons on earth are. but i know finding out is not easy. otherwise they wouldn't be lessons. you need to go soul-searching and except all the good and bad that you are. i use to do very bad things to ppl.  i have many regrets about my past, but i am no longer ashamed of it. somethings i have forgiven myself for and some i'm still trying ( i hurt my family and children a lot by walking out on them) i could sit and ponder why. but why? that would take more time from the ppl i love. and in the end it really dosn't matter why. it's how much of a better being you have become. samson i do not talk about my past much and i usually don't post it on the web. but if you can take anything from what i'm saying then it's worth it . only you know who you are, and if you don't maybe that's your lesson here, i know one of the first steps for me was to stop lying to myself. i could lie to the whole world, but if i couldn't get real with myself i had no chance at all. take baby steps. maybe your destine for greatness but you will never know unless you give yourself a chance. maybe you are suppose to help ppl, but first you must help yourself. maybe you are suppose to live a simple life and be happy with that like me. (I was suppose to be a rock-star or a world leader, at least in my own mind).

i do think you are special, but it dosn't matter how many other ppl can see if you can't

I didn't mean to write you a book. but i can see you are full of fear, struggling and hanging on for dear life. when all you have to do is have a little faith and let go.

i lived my whole life in fear. i was going to hurt you before you hurt me. weather you were foe of not. i finally see that and i know that it was the fear driving me. i'm not saying that's why you do the things you do. that's for only you to find out. but i do have faith in you. Samson. and i don't even know you. if i can have faith in you from across the world, then i know you can too.

here's a saying that i really like i don't know who wrote it or said, but i didn't (fear knocked, faith answered, and noboby was there).

take care of yourself, samson.

with much respect,
blackcat  

Well, it's sad....but you have to move on....to sit and blame yourself or other don't help you a bit.
You will only go into self pityness and that is the worst.

I can understand you a lot, because I am locked true my own shop in attending family gathering or other social activity. My workingtime is when normal people have free. But I can't go around thinking on this, then I will go crazy. I try to think posetive all the time, even if I sometimes have to give a tear or two!

You have to consentrate on posetive impulse. You have to go out of the house to meet people, none will knock on your door asking to be your friend, only you have the key!
Life is hard, if you let it , but there is only one who really can help you and that is Y O U !