i need patients with my 3 year old, what ive tried hasnt been working... Any suggestions? what works for you ?

Terrible two's and terrifying three's, I don't envy you, they're too young to use rational arguements and wilful enough to make life hell.
The good news is they do get better - for a few years and then AND THEN they hit puberty, that will make the present seen like nothing.
What seems to happen is that the child picks the main carer to cause problems with and one parent to be good with, then you as parents start the old arguement, "Ah but don't know what they're like when you're not here." Then you fall out, feel resentful towards the child and the situation goes downhill from there.
Patience is all, but be patiently stubborn - you are the parent - you make the rules and they obey, that way went they get older they appreciate the relaxation of the rules, if you have a partner try to get across that the two of you are a team and this behaviour needs both of you together.

Best of luck

We live in the same town with our granddaughter.  Her mom has asked us to be part of the village.  What a joy, what a challenge.
Her partner is gone, in the military, a lot.  So she needs support.
I am now Grammie/mama.  LOL
At times I feel like the most impatient person in the world with her, then I sit back and think it over and realize that she was really pushing me.  Always pushing the boundaries that are set for her.  
She tends to more with me and her mom then with my partner.
The is almost 3.  
To be honest with you.  It's paying off.
Stay consistent.  Decide in your head what the goals are for your kiddo.  
Come up with ways to help them achieve the goals.  
The 3 of us talk all the time.  We decide how we want to help our granddaughter achieve the goals that are set.  
What is important, how to we work as a team?
The mom is happy to have the help.
She is also happy to have the support.
Our granddaughter gets consistency.
So. Try to be consistent.  
Keep a sense of humor.
hug yourself a lot, you deserve it.
Know that you are doing the most difficult and most rewarding job out there. Raising a child to have manners, self esteem, etc.
You are the head of the house.  Don't let her be Miss Bossy.
We don't let her make too many decisions.  Mom or Grammie make most of the decisions for her.  She eats what is put in front of her, wears what we pick, etcetcetc.
She can decide which toy she wants to play with, what book to read. Things for a 3 year old to decide.  She is earning her way into making more decisions, a bit at a time.  
She is over all really good.  She knows her boundaries.  
She tests them some day, unmercifully.
Keep the boundaries.  That is important.
She will learn.  
As she gets older, the boundaries will shift and she will be treated age/ability appropriate.
Mom has discovered it is much easier dealing when she knows that she(mom)  is in charge.
For the rest it's.............. No.......granddaughter, that is not your business, that's my business, your's is to figure out what shoe goes on which foot. (example).  
Have fun. It is worth it.

My daughter is going to be three in Dec. SHe definately likes to think she's in charge. She seems to go through periods of testing the limits. Lately has been somewhat less of a struggle. Thank God. I try to be consistent but it is hard living on my own with her. We have routines that I stick to for the most part. I get tired though. Definately is tiring. I try to find that balance of letting her be who she is and setting limits. She gets mad at me and i try hard not to give in...I also just enjoy the good moments...those funny things she says, hugs and kisses that come out of nowhere. That seems to make it all worth it.   Also if I do lose my patience, i cut myself some slack. We see other families and think they are perfect but we are all human.

Thought I'd mention too that I've had success using a sticker chart for good behavior...i used it for bedtime and have stuck with it for consistency and to keep up the praise when she does go to bed "like a big girl". I use the count to three with time outs. If she's not listening I give her the option to, for example, climb in like a big girl or i'm going to put you in (carseat usually). I do give her the option of doing things herself that she is capable of and if she isn't listening, then I tell her I'll have to help her... that works sometimes (she likes to do things on her own).... They really bring out our creativity. It helps too if I make time for myself.